


Minefields.

by keala



Category: The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Adorable Baby Yoda (The Mandalorian TV), Also some of this is filthy, Angst, Anxiety, Blood and Injury, Consensual Sex, Death, Emotional Hurt, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Jealous Din, Kinda Slight PTSD, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Miscarriage, Mutual Pining, Oh yeah and maybe sex with people that aren't Din, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pain, Please Don't Kill Me, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Din Djarin, Rough Sex, Smut, Soft Din Djarin, Sorry Not Sorry, The Mandalorian (TV) Spoilers, Touch-Starved Din Djarin, Triggers, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:02:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 72,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27620414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keala/pseuds/keala
Summary: It always went like this. Whenever he got injured you'd take it upon yourself to patch him up. Maybe it was simply because you cared. Maybe it was selfishly because it was the only physical contact he'd give you. Hell, maybe it was simply so you could catch another brief glimpse of surprisingly tanned skin beneath the many layers of leather and armor he wore.Yeah. That was probably it.
Relationships: Din Djarin/Original Female Character(s), Din Djarin/Reader, Din Djarin/You, Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Comments: 374
Kudos: 778





	1. To Be Close To You.

**To Be Close To You.**

* * *

"I told you I didn't need help. I can-ugh!" You pressed down harder on the damp cloth, ignoring the sounds of him protesting.

  
"Quit being such a baby. You know, for a terrifying Mandalorian, you are impossible to treat. How am I supposed to use the bacta if you're squirming around more than the kid at dinnertime?"

  
You laughed at your own joke. It always went like this. Whenever he got injured you'd take it upon yourself to patch him up. Maybe it was simply because you cared. Maybe it was selfishly because it was the only physical contact he'd give you. Hell, maybe it was simply so you could catch another brief glimpse of surprisingly tanned skin beneath the many layers of leather and armor he wore. 

  
Yeah. That was probably it. 

  
It was a pleasant reminder that the man you had formed a foolish crush on over time actually existed beneath it all. That he wasn't a figment of your imagination. That he wasn't actually the cold droid he sometimes appeared to be. He had olive skin. He had crimson blood. He had a beating heart. 

  
Beneath it all, he was a living, breathing, human.

  
Nimble fingers held a firm but gentle grip on his waist and you silently worked on stopping the blood long enough to allow you to use the spray. Finally you found an opening and the slightly gelatinous liquid was applied. However, much to your horror you found his usually warm body to be extremely cold to the touch. 

  
"Mando? Hey why are you so-shit!" 

  
The sounds of metal clanking against the ship rang through the corridor. As if the situation wasn't already less than ideal, now you had an already heavy man clad in even heavier armor sprawled out on top of you. 

  
Your eyes fluttered open and you groaned, "Fuck that hurts. H-hey, Mando, think you could get off me? You're kinda really heavy and I think you might've broken my rib."

  
Silence.

  
"Mando?"

  
More silence. 

  
You grabbed his shoulders and shook him. To no avail, you shook him some more. No response. Hell, you couldn't even hear the quiet sounds of him breathing.

  
"Shit! Mando?! Hey! Stay with me okay!" 

  
You put your hands on his torso again, instinctively shivering at the touch. For someone clad in so many layers he was impossibly cold. Not good. 

  
"Hypothermia, really?! Maker, can a girl catch a break? Yesterday the kid had allergies and I had to sit next to him and wipe his damn boogers for what felt like an eternity! Now you're fucking hypothermic? I didn't sign up for this!"

  
Despite your complaints, internally you were terrified. What were you supposed to do? You were basically a glorified babysitter, not a medic. Besides the occasional application of bacta and a bandage or two, you hadn't the slightest medical knowledge. Still, if he was freezing it seemed only logical to warm him up. 

  
Right?

  
Sure. Seemed to make sense. Deeming that your only solution, you shimmied from underneath him, catching your shirt on a sharp edge of beskar. 

  
"Dammit, I just changed! Oh, you so owe me a new shirt after this…"

  
Rolling your eyes, you proceeded in hauling one of his arms over your shoulder and carefully dragged his limp body towards his bed. You ran around the ship and grabbed anything that could be used to warm him up. 

  
Blankets? Yep. A random cape you found? Yep. All of your sweaters? Yep. 

  
The child? Fuck it. Why the hell not. 

  
The baby had been awake anyhow, cooing quietly and blinking a couple times when you gently grabbed him from his bassinet. 

  
"Hi baby. I know, usually I let you relax a bit longer but I kinda sorta need you to help your daddy out, okay? He's freezing so maybe we could warm him up? Or if you wanna break out that magic you do with your little fingers then that'd be great too! I'm really not picky, I just need you to help me."

  
You took his happy rambling as an affirmative and crawled with him into the cramped space with the passed out Mandalorian. You had originally opted to lay with the child in between the both of you, limiting the physical contact that you knew your companion wasn't fond of, but when ten minutes went by and he still felt like ice to the touch you decided to switch tactics.

  
"Okay please don't kill me when you wake up. It's dark in here and I'm leaving your helmet on I swear, but I'm gonna need you to get out of this freezing trash can you wear, okay?"

  
You weren't sure why you kept talking to the incapacitated bounty hunter but you kept on rambling about anything and everything while you stripped him of the beskar.

  
"You know when I first met you I thought you were a droid under all this. Thought maybe that was why you didn't like them because they could easily expose your secret. Guess you'd be the warmest droid I've ever met though, huh? Well, except right now I guess. You're fucking freezing. Oh! Sorry, I just cussed in front of your kid. Maker, I have no idea why you keep me around. I'm the worst babysitter ever. I mean I always forget to put him down for a nap and I swear he only likes me because I sneak him food sometimes when you're not looki-"

  
"Y-you think I d-don't notice?"

  
Worried eyes shot up in surprise and you almost fell out of the bunk, instead hitting your head on it's entryway. "Ow!"

  
Cradling your newly sore head, you hissed in pain until you heard the sweet rumble of laughter. A chuckle, really. A quiet one at that, but a chuckle no less.

  
"Did you...just…laugh?"

  
"No."

  
A snort. This time from you. "You did too! Oh, Maker, he laughs! This frozen trash can laughs at injured women!" 

  
"S-stop calling me th-that." 

  
A tremor shook his entire body as you peeled off more of the beskar. Finally, you had removed all but the helmet and you found yourself pleasantly surprised to find a firm, albeit cold, body beneath your touch. He shivered again, though this time you didn't think it was because of the cold. It was, however, enough to shake you from your shock. 

  
"S-sorry, I had to take you out of-"

  
"My frozen trash can?"

  
You could hear the slight irritation in his voice, however quiet he was. Your cheeks flushed slightly and you were about to apologize until he started violently shaking. 

  
"Mando! Crap I'm sorry I tried to grab everything I could find to keep you warm but you're so damn cold right now I just-"

  
"Only right now?"

  
It was a quiet question, but you heard it all the same. Despite being nearly hypothermic, he was asking you a question he'd never really cared to know the answer to before. Before you could answer, the baby started fussing again and crying loudly. 

  
"Of course you throw a tantrum right when I'm trying to help your dad. Of course. Come on you little brat. Out you go." 

  
You grabbed the toddler and crawled out to put him back in his bed. Then, you hurried back as quickly as possible and haphazardly tossed all the cold beskar from the bunk. 

  
"H-hey, be c-careful!" 

  
"Yeah, yeah, I know you care about your armor but I've got more important matters at hand. You're a damn Mando popsicle! Also, isn't that stuff basically indestructible? I think it can handle being tossed around a bit. Maker knows you can when you're in it." 

  
You wrapped the blankets and other fabrics tighter around his body. 

  
"S-so c-cold. Why is it s-so damn c-cold?" His stuttering got worse and you grimaced.

  
"Dammit. You're not getting any warmer! I've grabbed literally everything I can find. Don't suppose you own any droids that have heating capabilities, do you?"

  
"N-no droids. H-hate them."

  
You sighed heavily. This was so not how you pictured snuggling up against him for the first time. Not that you had imagined it or anything. No. Not at all. Never.

  
"Hey, Mando, I'm gonna try something to warm you up but you gotta promise me that you won't freak out, okay?"

  
"D-don't c-care. Wanna b-be warm." 

  
You nodded in understanding and then unwrapped him from the blankets. What sounded like a modulated whimper escaped from the helmet and you wanted to cry. He was so damn cold and you just wanted him to feel better. Then again, that was the reason you were about to do what you were about to do. 

  
You kicked off your boots and crawled under the mountain of blankets with him. You gently wrapped your arms around his torso, carefully avoiding the previously injured area, and you rested your head in between his shoulder and his helmet. You let your warm breath fan the thin patch of exposed skin between his tunic and the last piece of beskar, feeling him tremble slightly under your touch. 

  
"Are you...are you warmer?" Your voice betrayed you and you shyly whispered against the flesh of his neck.

  
He mumbled an affirmative response and you sighed in relief. He felt like he wasn't quite as cold anymore. You reminded yourself to ask him how long he had been on the frozen tundra of this planet searching for the newest bounty. After all, the only thing he had told you was to keep yourself and the kid inside the Razor Crest until he came back. That had been what…three days ago? 

  
Three days. 

  
Is that how long he had been out there? The planet you were currently on was a frigid, desolate place. The only warmth inhabiting it was a small town, populated by maybe fifty people. Three day, unless he'd been hold up in said town, was too long. Three days in that frozen tundra was too much for anyone. That was way too long even for a man covered in-

  
Oh right. He had asked you a question earlier. An important question.

  
"Just right now...why'd you ask me that?"

  
His body jumped slightly at your inquisition and he tensed a bit in response. "No reason."

  
Oh no. He was not getting off that easy. The man barely ever spoke to you besides to give you instructions and you were not going to let this go. 

  
"Do you actually care what I think, Mando? I mean honestly. You've made it pretty clear that I'm not quite a stranger but also not quite a friend either. It's not like you really make an effort to get to know me…"

  
"Y-you used to ask more questions."

  
You blinked at him. Was this guy serious? "You never answered any of them. They were simple questions too! What's your favorite color? Favorite food? Favorite planet? I tried, Mando. You didn't respond. I gave up. You don't want me to know you, it's fine. This is the way and all that. I accepted it. But don't get all upset about it when _you're_ the one that made me stop trying." 

  
You gave up on hiding the hurt in your voice. He wouldn't care anyway. He never did. It sucked. What sucked even more was that throughout all that wasted effort and the realization that he didn't want a friend, you realized that you cared a little too much. More than cared. You desperately wanted to know him. To know what he liked. You had spent just enough time with the stoic man to form a little crush on him and it was the worst. The worst because it would never be received or reciprocated.

  
"I'm sorry."

  
If your eyes hadn't been as wide as saucers before then damn were they now. "You're sorry? Mando, I told you, it's fine. I ju-"

  
"No it's not."

  
Maker, he was the most stubborn man in all the galaxy. You sighed again, "Mando, look, it is what it is. You can keep your secrets. If you don't want to share then you're entitled to keep everything to yourself. I just don't understand why you won't even let me know your favorite meal. I mean is it really that personal?"

  
Silence. 

  
You were ready to give up and retreat from your current closeness until he shifted his body to face toward you. Your face mere centimeters from his visor, you felt a blush rising on your cheeks. You began to clear your throat when all of the sudden-

  
"Don't have one. A favorite meal, I mean. I don't-" He shifted uncomfortably, "I don't savor meals. Don't have the time to."

  
You felt like an idiot. Of course he didn't have a favorite meal. He was always eating them in the span of a few minutes. Eating wasn't a pleasure for him, it was a necessity. 

  
"I only go to different planets because I'm hunting. Don't have a favorite of those either. None of them stand out when you spend all your time tracking idiots down."

  
Maybe it wasn't that he didn't want to answer your questions. Maybe it had been that he was embarrassed that he didn't have answers for them. No. He couldn't possibly be embarrassed by that. Could he?

  
Your fingers played with a stray thread on his neckline and you realized there was a slight patch of hair peeking from beneath the hem. You bit your lip. You had never been this close to him. Never been able to touch him unless you were patching him up against his will. Then again, was it really against his will if he still allowed it? After all, he could force you to stop if he really wanted to.

  
"I don't think you're cold. If that's what you asked me. I just think you're…"

  
"A trash can?"

  
You could hear the humor in his voice and you huffed out a laugh. "Shut up, I said it in the moment!"

  
"I know. Thought I was a bit better than trash, though."

  
You rolled your eyes at that one. "You're not trash. Just an idiot. How long were you outside in the freezing cold, anyway? I mean I've had to keep you warm for-"

  
"Thank you."

  
"For what?"

  
"Everything. Taking care of the kid. Helping me. Cooking. Cleaning. Just...everything. Thank you."

  
Bare knuckles brushed against your cheekbones and you let out a silent gasp. You had forgotten that you took off his gloves too, deeming them in the way of warming up his hands. It had been a good decision too, otherwise you'd have cool leather against your face. Your eyes fluttered close and you leaned into the touch, relishing in the soft moment.

  
"Din."

  
You slowly opened your eyes, "Hm? What?"

  
"Din. The answer to the question you've always been too shy to ask."

  
Oh. _That_ question. 

  
Your eyes widened again and you could feel the slight creeping of tears along your waterline. Your heart hammered in your chest and, after what felt like an eternity, you pressed your palm flat against to feel the matching frantic thumping of his chest. 

  
A smile stretched out on your plump lips and you buried your face in his neck once more, whispering, "Din. I like that a lot. It suits you."

  
He moved slightly and you lifted your head in confusion, only to stiffen in surprise when you felt an arm wrap around your torso. Calloused fingers brushed against your bare waist and you shivered. 

  
Stars, how long had it been since you had been this close to another being besides the child? Felt like a lifetime. You supposed the last time was...no. That couldn't be right. Could it?

  
The last time you had been with someone had been a few days before meeting Mando. 

  
Before meeting... _Din._

  
A small smile graced your lips and you felt him hum from beside you and you embraced. "What are you smiling about?"

  
You looked up to find his visor facing down at you. Shaking your head you went to pull away again until he tightened his grip slightly around your waist. You let out a gasp, heat travelling through your body. Maker, was it hot in this bed or was it just you? 

  
"I...was just thinking about when we met." 

  
That seemed to surprise him, and rightfully so. After all, it hadn't been the most pleasant meeting. 

  
"You mean when I smashed a man's face into the bar next to you and held a blaster to the back of your head? Why the hell would you be smiling about that? I could've killed you."

  
You could hear the guilt in his voice and you shook your head, "You startled me but I never told you…"

  
Biting your lip again, a nervous tick it seemed, you trailed off and curled back into him. Your goal was to drop the subject but, of course, he wouldn't let you off that easily. 

  
"Never told me what?"

  
You swallowed and followed it with a heavy sigh, "The guy was a creep. Honestly, I went to that bar to….meet people." You left the implication in the air, no need for the words. "I hadn't met anyone worth meeting all night. That guy's plan was clearly to give me too much spotchka and drag me to his place. You kinda saved me. Plus, you smashing his stupid face against the bar was kinda…"

  
He didn't wait long this time. Too intrigued. "Kinda...what?"

  
Your fingers splayed out on his chest and you dragged a finger slowly beneath the neckline of his clothes and brushed against the scattered hair. "Kinda...hot. I guess."

  
He stilled and you immediately regretted the words. You always did this. You realized that it wasn't his fault that he didn't share, it was yours. You pushed too far and then, when he got uncomfortable, he retreated even further into the shell. You were such an idiot. Thinking that he'd feel any sort of attachment to you. Sure, you'd saved his life but what did that really matter? He didn't need you. He just brought you along out of pity. 

  
Tears threatened to spill at the thoughts and you quickly pulled away. You cleared your throat and moved to get up from the warmth. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I don't know what came over me. Um, you should be clear from hypothermia now and I'll go make you some food so you can get your energy up. We do-"

  
"Y/N."

  
"-n't want you passing out before you can navigate to the next planet. Maker knows I can't fly for shit. Oh a-"

  
"Y/N."

  
"-nd don't worry about anything. I-Um, you can just drop me off at the next planet. I'm sure you're probably tired of me freeloading and you probably want your peace and qui-"

  
"Y/N!"

  
The urgency in his voice startled you. You stared at him in open mouth shock, entire face flush with embarrassment. "Y-Yeah?"

  
"Why would I drop you off? Do you not want to be here?"

  
You blinked. Once. Twice. Why would he think that you wanted to leave? 

  
Oh. Right. Maybe because you'd just stupidly offered to leave? You were such an idiot. If the slight sadness in his voice told you anything, it was a confirmation of what you already knew. You were undoubtedly the dumbest person in the galaxy.

  
You felt his grip on you loosen and you panicked, "N-no! No! I don't want to leave! I just-I figured that maybe you were sick of not being alone. You know, I mean you were alone before me right?" 

  
Wait. Was he? Had there been…

  
As if he could see the ugly green monster in your head, he laughed in exasperation. "Yes. Aside from the child, I was...alone."

  
Okay, maybe reminding him of how alone he'd been wasn't your finest moment. 

  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

  
"Stop. Stop apologizing. You're not wrong. I was alone. Now I'm not."

  
As if it were a confirmation that he did, in fact, somewhat enjoy your presence, you smiled brightly. "So, I can stay? Do you like having me here?"

  
The helmet shook, "I never said I was dropping you off. You started with that."

  
"You didn't answer my second question."

  
Silence. 

  
Ugh. You were so bad at this. So bad at communicating with him. It was as if you simply didn't know how to turn off your brain. It was constantly overthinking and you couldn't stop. 

  
"Yes."

  
Wait. "What?"

  
"Yes. I like having you here."

  
Were you getting on his nerves? Probably. Did you care? Nope. 

  
You brushed your hands over his chest once more and curled up even closer than before. Grinning from ear to ear, face flushed in joy, you beamed up at him. His hand instinctively gripped your waist tighter, pulling you flush against him. Hips pressed together, you hummed in appreciation. There was something sublimely intimate about your current position and you couldn't remember a time in your past where it had felt this perfect to be pressed against someone. 

  
"Did you...hear me? I said I li-"

  
"Yes, Din. I heard you. Maker knows I heard you."

  
Shifting so you were partially on top of him, he placed the other hand on your lower back. You swore you could've heard a quiet groan as you both shifted, and you ran your hand slowly down his torso. Fingers twitched in anticipation as you ran them across the smooth plane of his stomach. 

  
"Y/N."

  
It came out as a quiet plea, almost so silent you'd have missed it. You had long grown accustomed to his low cadence though, so you heard it just the same. 

  
"Hm?"

  
"Stop." It came out as a tortured whine, uncharacteristic of the man you had come to know. "Please, Y/N, stop."

  
His hand gently grabbed your wrist, tugging it away from his body, and he shook his head. You bit your lip and lowered your gaze, a poor attempt at hiding your disappointment. How could you have been so blind. He said he liked having you around, not that he was interested in you. Not that he wanted you to touch him. 

  
"Oh. Right. Sorry, Mando. I-"

  
"Din."

  
You shook your head gently. It wasn't that you didn't want to use his real name. Of course you wanted to use it. Every fiber of your being wanted to know everything about this man. Wanted to be everything to this man. 

  
But like they say, just because you want something, doesn't mean you can have it.

  
"Mando...I'm sorry."

  
Dropping your head low in shame, you pulled your wrist away and pushed off him slowly. You opened your mouth to say more when the sudden wailing of a certain green child grabbed your attention.

  
Sometimes his timing was terrible. In times like this, it was the only thing saving you from yourself. The only thing saving you from destroying everything you'd found.


	2. Now This Might Be A Mistake.

**Now This Might Be A Mistake.**

* * *

It had been three hunts since that day. Three hunts. You really didn't know what that translated into in terms of time but you knew it was too long. Too long to go without speaking to him. 

It felt like you had taken two steps forwards and three steps back. He barely acknowledged you now. Didn't say anything at all. He had always been a man of few words but this was torture. 

And torture hurt.

Thankfully the child had provided ample distraction since the incident. It was as if he had sensed the change between you and his guardian. It almost seemed as if he was trying to bring the both of you together, if that were possible. If you were with the toddler, he would gurgle happily until Mando passed by. Then, it was as if you had stolen his food from him. He wailed and wailed, nonstop. Over and over until the bounty hunter had to cave and approach the two of you. Then, like the little brat he was, the kid would stop and make grabby hands at both of you. 

It'd be cute, too, if it weren't so damn annoying. 

After numerous moments like this, you had given up. Now, as soon as the Mandalorian appeared, you left. The child would cry, it never failed, but you were done with the awkward silence. Now, instead of constantly wanting to be around him, you felt shame and wanted to do nothing but run. 

So that's exactly what you did.

After the third hunt, you three had settled on a nice, average planet. Partially covered in swamps and the rest in small towns. Nothing too exciting. The last bounty the Mandalorian had acquired was currently sitting in a block of carbonite; some run of the mill thief that had stolen from the wrong people. As easy as this one had been, it was still the third in a fairly small time frame, which meant the bounty hunter undoubtedly needed to rest. Surprisingly, he caved into that need. It was so unlike him to sleep like this. He was always firm in his desire to move on quickly from planet to planet. Either way, you weren't going to complain. 

His rest period was your perfect opportunity. 

You needed to do it, of that you were sure. You couldn't keep going on this way. You couldn't keep feeling these feelings for him, only to be dismissed or pushed away. You had made numerous attempts to get to know him. Sure, he gave you his name but that was just it. He gave you something he held so close to him but still couldn't, no, _wouldn't_ let you in. That hurt more than anything had before.

That's what led you to pack what little possessions you had into the bag that you had originally brought aboard. Once you made sure you had everything, you peeked into the cockpit. The Mandalorian was still, and soft snores could be heard from his helmet. The child, on the other hand, peered up at you from within his floating pram. 

This was the hardest part.

You forced yourself to hold in a sob as you pressed your lips to his wrinkly forehead. Fingertips grazed the outline of one of his ears and he made one of the saddest sounds you'd heard. He knew. Of that you were certain. He knew you were leaving and it broke your heart. 

"For what it's worth, baby, he really does care about you. You're in the safest hands in the galaxy. I just-"

You squeezed your eyes shut, salty droplets escaping from the corners, and you let out a quiet sigh.

"I just can't be here. I can't torture myself like this. I can't keep giving myself this stupid false hope. I'm so sorry. I wish I was stronger. I wish I wasn't weak like this. I wish-I wish I could stay with the two of you for the rest of my life. I really do. This has been the closest thing to a family that I've ever known. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I hope you know that."

With one last peck on his little nose, you dropped the silver clip that had been given to you by your mother. It was the only thing you had left of her but somehow it felt right to give it to the baby you had come to love as your own. The crystals within gleamed in the light and you turned to take one last look at the man you'd come to adore. 

He looked peaceful. Strong, as always. You wanted nothing more than to crawl into his embrace and stay there for the rest of time, but you knew you couldn't. It was safe for your being, sure, but your heart? No. You couldn't handle the sting of rejection anymore. Couldn't handle pining after him only to disappoint yourself. In the reflection of the beskar you could clearly see your own tortured face. 

Maker, were your eyes really that puffy? 

You let out a silent laugh and turned on your heels, making sure to be quiet as you left the Razor Crest.

* * *

You managed to make it into town within the day, and even found a new ship to hop on. The pilot's name was Forn and he was a Sullustan. A friendly fellow, he never quite shut up. It was fine though. You could really use the distraction. He also loved to drink and, against your better judgement, you indulged him. 

"Ha! I win yet again! Drink up, little fem!" He lifted his glass, sloshing the liquid around as he smiled. 

You rolled your eyes and snorted, "Yeah yeah. My turn to take a shot. Again. You know if you're gonna swindle a lady you could at least take her to dinner first!"

"You wish!"

This time both of you laughed and spilled your drinks on the floor of the ship. It was next to impossible to get the man drunk, a fact which you had learned the hard way, but you were already far passed tipsy. You knew you'd regret it in the morning, but tonight was about forgetting and you were damned if you were going to keep thinking about Mando.

Too bad Forn wouldn't let you forget.

"So, Y/N, I never did ask ya what yer runnin' from. He got a name?"

You choked on the bitter drink as it slid down your throat. "What?"

He hadn't asked you much before, choosing instead to welcome you with open arms. You supposed, now that takeoff was in the morning, that he'd decided he wanted to have the answers. It was only fair. Though it was quite possibly the worst time to ask, considering you were slightly tipsy. Maybe that had been the plan to get the truth out of you. 

Boy, did you deliver.

"Stupid Mandalorian. You ever met one of those? Impossible. They're impossible to work with. Not that I really worked with him, I mean I was just a babysitter. He had this adorable baby. Maker, that little boy made me weak! Anyway, his dad was…"

You trailed off. How could you even describe him? 

"Sounds like ya liked him." 

You whipped your head to stare down the offending Sullustan, but were surprised to find only understanding and comfort in his gaze. "I-"

He didn't let you get a word out, "Look, fem, I know a heartbroken woman when I see one."

"He _didn't_ break my fucking heart. He just-"

"He did. When ya came to me I saw it in yer eyes. All puffy and tortured. Ya looked like you had just lost everythin' ya ever loved. Believe me, I'd know." He heaved a sigh and continued, "Lost my wife to the Eternal Sleep a while back. We hadn't been married long but she was the greatest thing I never knew I needed. Sometimes, ya lose things in yer life and ya'd give anythin' to get 'em back. Ya looked like that, only worse. Know why?"

You shrugged silently. You knew exactly where this was going. "Why?"

"Cuz ya gave yers up willingly." Ouch. That one hurt. "Ya care about them, yeah?"

Tears threatened to trickle down your face and you let out a soft whimper. Your voice was going to betray you this time, of that you were certain. Instead, you opted for a mumbled affirmative to the question.

"Look, kid, I ain't sayin' this to be weird but ya remind me of my wife. She was a firecracker too. She could get by on her own, yeah, but eventually I got her to realize she didn't have to." Maker, was he fully sober? "I showed her it could be so much better together. That we didn't have to be alone all the time. That this life is greedy so sometimes ya have to be greedy right back."

He stopped and the both of you stayed in the silence for what felt like an eternity, your gaze dropped low into the still of your drink. Maybe he was right. Then again, maybe he wasn't. He didn't know Din. 

Din.

Your heart clenched at the thought of his real name. Why had he even thought to give you that? Was it even his real name or was he lying just to indulge you? No. He wasn't lying. The moment had been so soft, so wholesome. Despite what little you really knew about the armor-clad man, you knew that he hadn't been lying then. He wanted you to know his name. He wanted you to use his name. 

Why?

You felt a gloved hand brush against your cheek and you looked up to find your current companion staring at you with a soft gaze. "Yer cryin', fem."

That broke you from your train of thought and you forced a smile, wiping under your eyes with your own trembling fingers. "Am I? Sorry I just got lost in thought. Anyways, where were we before you started your wise old man speech?"

"I'll tell ya where we were. We were gettin' ya back to wherever ya call home."

An image of the Razor Crest instantly invaded the mush of your brain and you winced. "I don't have a-"

"Shut up, would ya? Look, I like havin' ya around, fem. Ya seem like a good kid and, 'sides some random barkeeps, I don't meet many good people."

"Okay so then let me stay. Don't drop me off. I'll just stay here, with you, and I'll clean up and cook and I ca-"

"Stop!" His hand slammed against the table and a mess of bottles clattered to the floor. "I ain't gonna say it again. I'm takin' ya home. Home to that ship I'm sure he flies in, cuz I ain't never seen a Mandalorian stay in one spot for people to see. Home to that adorable kid ya miss. Home. Home to that hunk of steel ya love, and I don't mean the ship this time."

With one last jab at you, he stood up and grabbed his coat. Then your coat, tossing it at your head. Then your pack. The few items you had brought with you were roughly shoved into your shaking hands and you winced. Not in physical pain.

No, this was far worse.

Forn didn't let you get one word in as he started his trek. He had settled his own ship in the safety of a hanger, foregoing the need to fly under the radar like your former companion, and now you stomped through the dirt towards-

Wait. 

How did he know which direction to go? How did he know exactly where to walk in order to take you back to the Razor Crest? Din had made sure to settle near the swampy area of the planet, out of plain slight and hidden between the trees. He'd even told you that nobody ever paid attention to the swamps of this planet because, as soon as the suns set, they had a bad reputation for taking people and never giving them back. You remembered because it had actually been the only thing he'd said to you since the incident. Now that you thought about it, you were an asshole. You left the baby in one of the most dangerous places you'd been. If he left the ship without the Mandalorian at night-

Maker, you hated yourself.

Feet planted firmly in the dirt, you sighed heavily and stared at the back of Forn. "How did you know where I came from?"

Your voice must have startled him and he whipped around in surprise, "Huh?"

You were on high alert now, no longer able to be friendly with the man. "How? How do you know what direction I should be going? I never told you."

He still looked confused. "Fem, look I o-"

"Shut up. How the fuck do you know where my ship is?"

"Oh it's _your_ ship now? Thought ya were runnin' from i-"

Last straw. Now you were just pissed. He didn't want to give you a straight answer and that just wasn't going to do. You pulled out a large knife from your boot and stalked towards him. You watched as his confusion morphed into...fear?

Wait. Why the hell was he scared? 

Sure you had a knife in his face but you were hardly threatening. You knew this was a bad idea. If he got the upper hand you were done for. You had no formal training, only basic hand to hand knowledge and the knife that Din had given you. Still, the fear in his eyes confused you. That is, until you focused hard enough to hear it. 

Soft, measured breathing but it sounded like it was...muffled?

Shit.

"Answer her question, or I'll use that knife myself." Maker, if you weren't so shocked you'd almost be turned on by the sound of that sentence. 

Forn cleared his throat awkwardly and stumbled out his response, "U-Um, she's got mud on her boots. Almost made her take 'em off when she got on the ship but, well, I took pity on her so I let her keep 'em on. Only place on this planet with mud like that is-"

"The swamp." 

The older man, you assumed, nodded frantically before turning his attention back to you. "Look, fem, I'm real sorry I didn't just answer yer question. It's just, ya caught me off guard. I guess I shouldn't be that surprised though, what with ya travelling with a Mandalorian all this time. Seems reasonable that ya would be a little more-"

You shook your head and sighed, "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed anything. It's just, I'm so damn paranoid and I had a million things running through my mind and the only thing I could think about was the kid and-"

You stopped yourself before slowly turning towards the Mandalorian. His shoulders were tense, fingers of one hand resting firmly on the blaster on his hip. What you noticed more, though, was how tired he looked. Sure, you couldn't see his face, but his body was rigid with exhaustion. You slowly took a step towards him and grimaced when he took a small step back. You deserved that. 

Sighing, you turned back towards the Sullustan and gave an embarrassed smile before gesturing towards the towering wall of beskar, "I'm sure you can tell but, um, this is Mando. Mando, this," You waved your hands toward the shorter man, "is Forn. He was trying to help me find my way back…"

" _Home_. I was tryna help the little lady find her way home." You could hear him taking short strides towards you. "She's had some drinks, though, so honestly I'd suggest ya keep a firm hand on her. Else she might go tumblin' into those wastelands ya parked yer ship next to."

You glared at him, "I'm not drunk."

"Didn't say ya were drunk. Said ya had some drinks."

"That's the same damn thing, Forn. Drinks, drunk. Either way, I can walk myself." 

You were about to argue some more when you heard a modulated sigh. That one was annoyance, probably mixed with that exhaustion you had already picked up on. "Are you two done?"

You clicked your tongue and went to retort, when Forn beat you to it with a hearty laugh, "Ha! I can see why he drives ya nuts. Not much of a conversation guy is he? Are they all like that? Ain't met a Mandalorian before. Kinda never wanted to. Ya guys seem scary. I guess ya can't be that scary, though, if ya got this pretty lady with ya!"

"Stop it, Forn."

"She's not with me."

You could hear the wind howling in the silence. Nobody said anything after that. Even Forn looked completely uncomfortable, and you had previously thought him to be able to diffuse any situation thrown his way. This one, though. This one was impossible to respond to.

_She's not with me._

That's what he had said, right? If your heart didn't hurt before, it sure did now. Shattered into a million pieces. You averted your gaze from Forn's saddened expression and you clenched your jaw. It didn't make a bit of difference. You couldn't stop the tears. They poured down your face and it took everything inside of you not to run away from both men. Maybe you could start again. 

"Look, Manda-"

Forn went ignored and you could feel the eyes on you from beneath the visor, "Are you going with him or should I drop you o-"

"Stop. Please. Just...stop. I-I do-"

You didn't have time to be embarrassed about how your voice broke in between words. Didn't care in the slightest. You just wanted the aching pain in your chest to stop. You wanted to crawl into a sarlacc pit and die. Wanted to be eaten by whatever creatures the locals claimed lived in those swamps. No. Not the swamps. Then you'd have to travel with him. Maybe you could get Forn to fly really high and then toss you out of the side of the ship. Yeah. That was an idea.

You were pulled away from your racing mind once more and Forn made a grunt of disapproval, "Now I see why ya wanted to run. He doesn't give ya much reason to stay, does he?"

Your eyes snapped open and you stared at the Sullustan in shock. Did he just…insult Mando?

"Look, buddy. I don't claim to be the smartest guy 'round but the way I see it, ya don't deserve her. She left, sure, but she was on her way back when ya showed up. At least she had the guts to realize that she missed ya. Now yer standin' here hurtin' her more than I think ya even did before. That ain't gonna fly with me. She's a sweet girl. Can't play sabacc fer shit but she made more an impact on this old fossil than anyone has in a while. She talked about ya, ya know? I could tell she missed ya and the kid. Talked to her about her home and ya could see it on her face. When she thinks about home she thinks abou-"

"Stop it, Forn! Please. Stop. He doesn't care. It doesn't matter." Your voice got quiet, down to a whisper. "I don't matter...to him." 

If you had thought the silence was deafening before, it was worse this time. Neither man moved or said anything. You stood there, tears dripping all the way down your neck. What did you expect? He had all but shut you out after the incident before. Why did you think he'd miss you? You really were an idiot. Thinking that you could ever stop setting yourself up for disappointment. Thinking that you were on his mind even a fraction of how often he was on yours. 

You hissed in pain, physical this time, and looked down to see blood dripping from your fingertips. Right. The knife. You had forgotten about that, clearly, and now the blade was slicing into the tips of your fingers. You hadn't been paying attention and your grip faltered so the sharp edge of the blade was in your clutches, instead of the handle. You moved to wipe the blade off and put it back in its place when you realized; this was his blade. Not yours. You didn't want it. You hastily wiped it off and tossed it in the dirt beside him. 

"That's yours. It's actually why I was coming back. Forgot to leave it." A terrible lie, really. "Forn doesn't know what he's talking about. I never said I was going back. I don't need you to take me anywhere. Don't want you to. I'll be fine on my own."

You couldn't look at him. Honestly, you didn't want to. You knew he heard the tears in your voice but you wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing them. Instead, you turned your gaze up to look at Forn. Damn. You shouldn't have done that either. The pity on his face disgusted you. You didn't need that either. 

"And you. Thank you for everything. Thanks for offering to take me to another planet, too. I really appreciate it." His gaze softened and you kept going before he could open his mouth. "I'm sorry I accused you of anything. You didn't deserve that. You've been nothing but kind to me and I'm an idiot. Anyways, I should be on my way now. You've got a job to do and I won't be the one to get in your way."

"Smugglin' ain't goin' anywhere, fem. I can sti-"

"No." It was a blunt response but you didn't care. You just needed to get away from all of this. "I'll be fine on my own. I was on my own...before."

Before you'd met the Mandalorian. Before you'd met the small child. Before you'd known the comfort of the safest place in the galaxy. Before you'd know what it was like to have a family. Before.

Pushing aside the heart wrenching thoughts, you gave him an uneasy smile and a nod. "I'll be okay, really. Thank you."

And with that, you turned to the left and walked as fast as you could into the night. Away from the Mandalorian. Away from the child. Away from the Razor Crest. Away from everything.


	3. We're Broken In So Many Ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one hurts, so strap in for a bumpy ride folks...

**We're Broken In So Many Ways.**

* * *

  
Thank Maker you still had some credits in your bag. Otherwise, you'd probably be dead in an alley somewhere. Instead, you were laying lifelessly on the galaxy's most uncomfortable bed. The innkeeper hadn't said much, thankfully, and accepted the room fee without a single question. Good. You didn't want to answer anyway. You wanted to scrub your face clean of any dirt and tears, then hop into the bed and pass out.

  
If only you could be so lucky. Instead, his ruthless words were on repeat in your head.

  
_She's not with me._

  
_She's not with me._

  
_She's not with me._

  
It hurt. It hurt so fucking bad. Worse than your fingers, now clean and wrapped in the bandages that lived in the bottom of your bag. Worse than that one time you'd gotten your head smashed against the bar you used to work at. Worse than when you had to chase the child to get something out of his mouth and you'd tripped on a boulder. 

  
He had been the one to patch you that time. You remembered the surprisingly gentle touch of his gloved hands and just how close he had to get to get the bandage precisely on your forehead. For a man whose life was to hunt people, you'd been shocked to find him so careful with you. Your breath had fogged up the visor and inappropriate thoughts had fogged up your mind. Maybe that was the day. Maybe that was the precise moment you'd decided you wanted more from him.

  
Dammit. Why couldn't you stop thinking about him? 

  
Groaning in frustration, you rolled over to stuff your face into a pillow. That's when you realized it. This bed was probably so comfortable. The inn hadn't been the cheapest, after all, it had just been the most convenient. This bed was soft, warm, and it probably smelled fantastic to anyone else. 

  
It was uncomfortable because it wasn't the bed you wanted.

  
You wanted to be cramped in that little bed again, pressed flush against a solid, warm body. Wanted to run your fingers against the stitching of his shirt. Wanted to dip your fingers beneath the neckline to run the tips across scattered hair. Wanted to press your lips against the smooth skin that was exposed between his helmet and clothes. Wanted to feel his rough hands against your bare waist, and anywhere else he'd put them. Fuck. You wanted to be with him. In any way he'd have you. Hell, you'd gladly go back to the silence of the ship before the moment you'd crawled into his bunk. Go back to awkward one word exchanges and silent nods. Go back to just being the babysitter. You'd even go back just to clean the damn toilets every day. You'd go back to that ship in any capacity. In a heartbeat.

  
But you couldn't. 

  
A whimper escaped your lips and you let the tears flow freely this time. No one was here to see them anyway. No one cared. You were alone. Again. 

  
_She's not with me._

  
You let out a tortured sob this time and cried loudly into the pillow. You cried until your head throbbed and your eyes were swollen shut. You cried until you fell into the most torturous sleep you had ever encountered.

  
Every dream included him. 

* * *

  
You woke up feeling like shit. Actually, worse than shit. 

  
Groaning in frustration and pain, you slowly sat up. Your head hurt so fucking bad. Alcohol and crying did not mix well, of that you were certain. You were miserable in too many different ways. You chest hurt. Your head hurt. Everything hurt. You sighed and pulled your pants off, tossing them haphazardly on the floor. Maybe a shower would at least help you not _look_ so damn broken. 

  
One lengthy trip to the refresher later and you came out smelling like herbs. The inn provided some fancy soaps and, thankfully, the scents had calmed your mind a tiny bit. That was probably their intended purpose. This inn seemed like a good place to escape your problems and ease your conscious. Too bad your thoughts still raced. At least your headache was slowly dissipating.

  
That is, until a pounding began.

  
It was probably the innkeeper there to tell you that you were overstaying your welcome. After all, you had only paid for one night. Pressing a towel into your damp hair, you pulled a cropped shirt and shorts out of your bag and threw them on. You gave out an annoyed huff and marched over to the shaking door.

  
"I'm coming, I'm coming! I know I need to leave! Give me a damn second, it's barely sunrise!"

  
Scowl on your face, you unlatched the lock and whipped the door open. You were about to yell at the person again until you found yourself face to chest with a wall of familiar beskar.

  
Maker was really punishing you, weren't they?

  
You stared at his chest in disbelief. Why was he here? You'd thought for certain that he would've left by now. After all he didn't have too long until he needed to hand off the bounties to Karga. He really didn't have time to be wasting on this planet anymore. So, the question remained.

  
_Why was he here?_

  
So you asked just that. "What are you doing here?"

  
It came out as a whisper, softer than you intended, but he heard it all the same. You could tell because he sighed beneath the mask. This sigh expressed heaviness and... disappointment?

  
"You shouldn't open doors unless you know who's on the other side."

  
Really? That was what he was going to open with? 

  
"You really are a fucking dad, aren't you?"

  
You glanced up in annoyance and he tilted his head. You must have caught him off guard with that. You didn't care in the slightest. He needed to leave. Now.

  
"What are you doing here, Mando? You should be long gone by now. Karga expects those bounties soon, doesn't he? Go do your job."

  
Venom. It laced every word. Dripped heavily off each one. 

  
Another sigh, "I'd like to talk."

  
You blinked a couple more times. What the hell was he going on about? Talk? He never talked. What the hell did he even want to talk about? 

  
"Look, I don't know what you want to talk about and I don't care. You need to leave. I'm staying here. This," You waved your hands between you, "partnership, or whatever you wanna call it, is done. You don't need me. That's been clear since the beginning. So run off back to the shi-"

  
"I know I don't need you."

  
Your shoulders slumped slightly and you let out a groan, "For the love of-I know! I know you don't fucking need me! So go away! Stop reminding me that I'm fucking disposable and fucking do it already. Dispose of me. Toss me in the trash. I don't care anymore. I'm done with this bullshi-"

  
"The only trash I associate you with is a frozen trash can."

  
_Frozen...trash...can?_

  
Oh, right. That's what you had called him when he was shivering that night. When he had been pressed against you and you had to surround him with your warmth. When you'd finally felt what it was like to be close to him. 

  
"Did you just...make a joke?"

  
He shrugged. He was uncomfortable. You could tell by the way his shoulders were tense and his fists clenched at each side. Did _he_ even know why he was here?

  
"Can I come in? I'd rather not have my back facing an unfamiliar hallway."

  
You rolled your eyes, "Why because someone could get the upper hand on you? Please. You're the strongest man I know."

  
Ugh, you had to stop doing that. Rambling. It really was a curse. Now, here you were accidentally slipping out a compliment to the man that had broken you on multiple occasions. 

  
"I'm not that strong."

  
He took a step in and closed the door, latching both locks. Shit. You were trapped. Trapped in a plush hotel room, alone with the very man that made inappropriate thoughts race through your head. Alone with the man you were so damn weak for.

  
 _Wait_. "Where's the kid?"

  
"At the ship."

  
You furiously pushed your palm against his chest, "What the hell is wrong with you? At the ship? He's a baby, Din! You can't just leave him on the fucking ship! What if he waddles out or gets stuck in the swamp? What if he-"

  
"Din?"

  
You bit your tongue. Oh. Right. You had just used his name. His actual name. The one you'd sworn you wouldn't use. 

  
You shook your head, " _Mando_. Sorry. It slipped out. Whatever, either way you can ju-"

  
He cut you off for the second time, "Say it again."

  
You were so confused. Eyebrows knit together, you made a face at him, "What?"

  
"My real name. Say it again."

  
It took you a minute. "Din?"

  
You heard a soft groan from beneath the helmet and suddenly your face was pressed in the sweet warmth of his neck. Your body went rigid as he held you, eyes wide in disbelief. What was he doing holding you like that? Like you'd disappear at any moment? His fingers grasped at your waist, as if he were scared you weren't real. 

  
"W-what are you doing? You're crushing me."

  
"I'm sorry."

  
Your breath hitched. Did he just...apologize? To _you_? 

  
"What are you-"

  
"Everything. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I never answered your questions. I'm sorry I leave you with the kid all the time. I'm sorry I never respond when you speak. I'm sorry I pushed you away from me that night. I'm sorry I'm always fucking pushing you away. I'm sorry I never do anything to make you want to stay with us. I'm sorry, Y/N."

  
You didn't know what to say. What did he expect you to say? _Okay?_ That it was all better because he was here, holding you again, apologizing for being the way he's always been? No. That wasn't what you wanted.

  
"I don't want apologies, Din. Keep them."

  
He flinched and you felt bad. What were you supposed to do, though? Accept them and go back to the way things had been? Oh, right. You had thought last night that you would be content with that, hadn't you? So then why, in the comfort of his arms, was that suddenly not what you wanted? 

  
Because...you wanted _more_? 

  
"What do you want then? I'll give it to you." He sounded tortured, a far cry from the man you had come to know. "A bed? I'll get you one. Better food? I'll find it. Credits? I'll pay you to watch the chi-"

  
A loud smack reverberated in the room; the sound of your palm striking his helmet and his head swung to the side. You couldn't believe it. He profusely apologizes and then offers you money to stay? The audacity of this man knew no bounds. 

  
"Fuck you, Mando. Get out. Get out of my fucking room. Get out of my fucking life. Get. Out."

  
His head swung back to face you and you could see it. Tears springing forwards for what felt like the millionth time, reflected on the shiny steel. Your dam was about to burst again. You weren't done, though. Your hand smacked him again, this time pressed against his shoulders, pushing his hands off your waist. Then his stomach, to push him away from you and closer to the door. Finally, his chest. Right over where his heart should be. You smacked him the hardest there. It didn't hurt him. In fact, it only hurt you. As per usual, you were always hurting yourself when it came to him. 

  
"I don't want your fucking money. I don't care what we eat. I don't care that you leave me with the child all the time. I don't want a bed. I just want-" You stifled a cry, shaking your head again. "Forget it. It doesn't matter what I want. It never has. Who gives a shit what I want? I can't have it...so why bother?"

  
You turned on your heels and started cramming your belongings back into your bag. Your chest seized with pain but you brushed it off, picking your hair tie up off the floor and pulling your damp strands into a messy bun. You bent down to grab your pants, from before the shower, and felt a hand press softly against your lower back. Warmth spread across the area and you stiffened in response. 

  
_Where were his gloves?_

  
"Who said...you can't have what you want?"

  
It was a quiet question but you heard it as if it were right next to your ear. Straightening up, you felt his thumb rub lazy circles against the flesh of your lower back. It was soothing, comforting in a way. It was different to the way he had touched you that night. This was softer, almost pleading. As if he was begging you not to leave.

  
You turned to face him and he didn't move his hand, choosing instead to let it rest against the smooth plane of your lower stomach. The heat travelled lower, settling on your core. Maker, how did he do that to you with a simple touch? How could he be innocently resting his fingers on your abdomen but then somehow touching you other places? It was beyond you. 

  
His thumb circled your skin again and you shivered, breathing heavily through your nose. He'd barely touched you and you were throbbing. Leave it to your own body to want him so badly, despite it all. He took a step forward and his other hand lifted your chin. Also warm. 

  
"Where are your gloves?"

  
He let out an amused huff and shook his head, "Why? Do you want me to put them back on?"

  
"No!" Ew. You sounded so desperate. "I mean-I just don't know why you took them off, is all. It's unlike you to just walk around with no gloves on, Mando."

  
He stiffened again and pulled his hands from you. You let out a noise of displeasure and grabbed a wrist before it went too far from your skin. You ran your thumb softly across the palm of his hand. 

  
"Din." His head perked back up at your voice and you smiled. _Got him_. "Does it really upset you that much? When I call you Mando? It's what I always called you before-"

  
"Exactly. That's what you called me _before_."

  
"So? What changed?" Your eyes searched the visor, as if it would give you any insight to what he was thinking. "Why does it bother you now?"

  
You took a brave step closer. Sure, you were still pissed at him, but you needed this. You needed him to tell you what exactly he wanted. To give you an explanation as to why he had even bothered to chase you down twice. You needed to know what was going through his mind. He came to talk, so you needed him to do just that.

  
"Tell me. _Please_. Tell me why it bothers you, Din. I want to know. Why didn't you just leave without me?"

  
You were so close to him. Again. Maker, you had missed this. You had missed the cool feeling of beskar contrasting with the warmth of his touch. It was heaven. Pure bliss. You had only felt it the once before but you knew it was a feeling you could never replace. You wanted this. Wanted to be close to him like this. 

  
_Forever_. Or however long he'd let you. 

  
His head leaned forward until the top of his head was pressing gently against yours. Your nose almost pressed against his helmet. Lips parted as your breath fanned against the steel. 

  
"I'm...not good at this."

  
You brought a hand up to press gently against where his cheek would be and you felt him tighten his hold on your hand again. "It's okay. I just want to know what you want from me. Why you came back. I don't need you to give me the galaxy, Din. Just...a little bit of what you're feeling. Please."

  
Your hand trailed from his helmet toward his heart, pausing when it reached that dip in the armor where his shoulder met his neck. You let your thumb slip beneath the metal and you felt him shudder at your touch. 

  
" _Mesh'la_."

  
You were brought out of your daze at the unknown word, "Huh?"

  
He cleared his throat awkwardly and you immediately knew he hadn't meant to say it out loud. All the same, now you were too curious. 

  
"Mash-"

  
"Mesh'la." He corrected you before you could finish butchering the word.

  
"What does that mean? Is it...Mando'a?"

  
You'd heard of the language but never heard it spoken. He'd only said one word but it was enough to warm your heart and make you yearn for more.

  
He gave a slow nod, "Yes."

  
"What does it mean?"

  
Silence. Again. Two steps forward and three steps back. You sighed in disappointment and went to pull away. He didn't let you move far, though, sensing your displeasure and pulling you closer. 

  
"Beautiful."

  
"Huh?"

  
"You asked what it means. It means... beautiful."

  
Your heart froze. Did that mean that he called you-

  
"Mesh'la. Quit spacing out." You flushed and bit your lip in embarrassment. "I came here because I wanted to bring you back home."

  
That was it. The final straw. You couldn't take it anymore. He was here. He was asking you to come back. Wasn't that everything you had dreamed of last night? It didn't matter the reason anymore. You couldn't care less. You wanted to be with him. He wanted to be with you, in what capacity you didn't truly know. That was more than enough. 

  
You pulled your hand out of his grasp to press both against the sides of his helmet. Then, taking a deep breath, you leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to the beskar. It wasn't his mouth but it was him all the same. He stilled before wrapping both arms around your waist and holding you gently against him. 

  
You smiled against him, "Okay. Then take me home."


	4. Both Of Us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it hot in here or is it just me? I think I might have tortured these two enough with the first three chapters, so let's give them a little taste of what they want...and maybe what some of you guys want?
> 
> Also, side note. I don't know why the format is different in this chapter. I've attempted to fix it and no luck. It drives me nuts but hopefully you guys don't care as much as I do XD

**Both Of Us.**

* * *

You had made it to Greef Karga just in the nick of time. Sure, he wasn't thrilled that it had taken you three the full amount of time to bring the bounties back, but he got over it. You didn't work for him often anymore, anyway. Inititally, Din had refused to go back to the Guild. It was somewhat still that way. Instead, Din now only picked up bounties when they weren't out of the way. Or, when you needed credits and had absolutely no leads on where to bring the Child. That was the issue currently.

Karga looked at the three of you across the table with a large grin on his face. "Y/N! You're looking well! Hopefully he hasn't been dragging you through too much trouble along the way!" 

You laughed quietly at the sound of Din's annoyance, "Only a little bit! To be honest, the little one is quite a bit more trouble than Mando."

 _Ugh_. You hated the name 'Mando' coming from your mouth now. You could tell the man himself wasn't quite fond of it either. He stiffened now whenever you said it. Nevertheless, it was a necessary precaution when you weren't within the ship. No one else knew his name so you couldn't go throwing it around. 

Karga didn't notice the shift in the bounty hunter's form, instead letting out another booming laugh and peering down at the child. "Ah, yes. This one causes quite a fuss wherever he goes! Still, at least _he_ can carry a conversation!"

You snorted at the jab and laughed harder when the green toddler started babbling and giggling with you. Karga certainly wasn't wrong. The baby had always been vocal, especially when he was in a good mood. Or when he was hungry. He always made sure to let you know when it was that time. 

You brushed your fingers against his wrinkled forehead and beamed down at him, "You are quite the charmer, aren't you?"

"He is rather adorable. Have you made any progress on figuring out his origin?"

You glanced over at Din and watched as he shook his head. "Only what we knew last time. He has use of the Force. No more intel on his kind."

A frown tugged at your lips as you glanced down at the curious baby. He stared happily up at you with big brown eyes and you brushed your thumb across his little belly. 

There were so many questions when it came to the child. What was he? Where did he come from? Were there more beings like him? Did he have a family? That one was at the forefront of your mind. Did he have a family looking for him? Was someone missing him?

It broke your heart. You had watched your own family get torn apart by the Empire so the thought of this child being alone took you back. You'd been like that. Alone. Scared. Desperate. They'd known that, too. They'd taken advantage of it. You only hoped that he understood the situation well enough to know that you cared deeply for him. You'd do anything for him. Both of you would.

"Y/N?"

The cool sound of Din's voice brought you back from your tortured memories and you pasted a fake smile on your face. "Sorry, I was staring at the baby. He was giving me that cute face I couldn't help but get distracted."

He stared at you and said nothing. He knew you were lying. Always did. He wouldn't call you out in front of Karga, though. He respected you enough not to do that. 

You focused your attention back to the child and watched as he made some grabby hands at his adoptive father. You turned back just in time to see the bounty hunter shaking his head gently.

_Oh no._

All of the sudden he was wailing, crying at the refusal. You heard Din sigh and you looked at him and smiled. "I got it. Don't worry."

You reached into the pram and quickly extracted the fussy child. Settling him on your hip, you bounced him up and down and walked up to the bar. You smiled politely at the bartender, "Can I please have a cup of bone broth? Apparently, the little one wants dinner a tad early."

The bartender was human, surprisingly, and probably around your age. He gave you a handsome smile and nodded, "Just one cup of broth? Can I get anything for you, miss?"

Having been a bartender before, you knew all too well the tell tale signs of a man flirting. This was no different. He was giving you a look that screamed _'I'm off soon and you look like the right kind of stress relief after work'_ and it made you shiver. You weren't put off by any means, not uncomfortable enough to cancel the order and storm out, but you also didn't reciprocate. He was attractive, sure, with golden hair that curled up at the ends and golden eyes that wrinkled at the corners in a cute boyish way, but he wasn't your type. 

Oh no. Your type was clad in steel and, if he smiled, you most certainly never saw it. 

Still, you hadn't had much human interaction as of late so you slightly entertained the man, leaning against the counter with the child. "Very sweet of you, but I'm okay. Just the broth please. Oh, and could you make it a little lukewarm? He won't eat slowly enough for it to cool."

The man chuckled and nodded, "Hungry fellow, is he? Don't blame him. If _you_ were feeding _me_ , I'd most certainly not take my time either."

Your face felt hot in response to the implication and you smiled to yourself as he walked to the back. _Oh, he was good_. He probably picked up women all the time with charm like that. Good for him. You couldn't complain. It was nice, in a way, to feel pretty enough to be hit on. Still, though it was flattering, you weren't interested. The only thing you were interested in was getting the squirming baby on your side to calm down. 

The barkeep came back a moment later with a cup of bone broth, the perfect temperature you noticed, and a slight flush on his face. He cleared his throat, "Listen, I don't mean to be too forward but I was curious if you were busy later?"

 _Oh._ You had gotten him all wrong. A charmer, sure. Handsome, sure. He most definitely did not pick up women all the time, though. He was out of his element. Surprising for someone so attractive and playful. He looked shy and almost embarrassed to be asking you the question. He also seemed to fluster more when you didn't immediately respond.

"L-look I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I just think you're really pretty and you have the most spectacular eyes I've ever seen. Plus, you seem to be really good with that guy's kid and honestly kids are a good judge of character. You're his babysitter, right? Maybe I misunderstood but you guys don't act like a couple or anything so-"

He stopped rambling suddenly and you tilted your head in confusion. Then, you noticed he seemed to be staring not at you anymore, but behind you. The baby shifted and made grabby hands again. You sighed in understanding and also slight disappointment. Apparently, to the public, the two of you didn't appear to be romantically involved in the slightest. Why did that bother you? 

Interrupting your brain, you could hear the modulated voice behind you. "How much for the broth?"

He was close. So close that you could feel the chill from the metal on your back, even through your shirt. What you really noticed, though, was his tone. He sounded pissed. When the bartender didn't respond right away, the Mandalorian sighed in annoyance and slapped some money on the counter. 

"For the broth. _We_ don't need anything else."

He put an emphasis on _'we'_ and you watched as the young man pocketed the money and ran off. Sure, you didn't reciprocate the feeling but you didn't think it necessary to be rude to the poor man. He'd been complimenting you so sweetly and, if you were honest, it felt amazing to feel desired. It was a confidence booster that you hadn't known you needed until then. 

Whipping around you glared at the wall of beskar, "Was that really necessary? He was being nice."

"He was hitting on you."

You bristled, "So? What's wrong with that? Is it that unheard of? Am I not allowed to be hit on by an attractive man?"

He stilled and you instantly regretted your choice of wording. Maybe you could've left out the part about finding the man attractive. Yeah. You definitely could've left that out.

Your companion didn't say anything and simply turned around to leave the cantina in response. You ran back to Karga, muttered a quick apologetic goodbye, tucked the baby into the pram, and chased after him. 

* * *

His strides were long. Longer than usual and you could tell he was itching to get back into the ship. He wanted to leave the planet right now. You, on the other hand, wanted to get back to the ship for a different reason. You weren't done with this conversation, if one could call it that. You were beyond pissed now. 

The second you stepped into the Razor Crest, you put the baby away for a nap and stormed into the cockpit. Gloved fingers were pressing buttons and charting the next course until you stood directly in front of him, sandwiching yourself between the silent Mandalorian and the keys he had been hitting. 

"I'm trying to set our next course. What a-"

"What the _hell_ was that? Why were you so rude to him?"

You could tell he was still upset by the way the visor turned upward, "Rude to who? The _attractive_ man?"

He all but spit out the word _'attractive'_ and your eyes widened. "Oh, are you kidding me? Is that what you're upset about? That I called him attractive?"

"I'm not upset. I'm trying to charter our next course. If you would move the-"

You jabbed a finger at his chest, "You are too upset! You stormed off the second that I said it!"

"I don't care who you find attractive, Y/N. I simply wasn't going to let you humor yourself when we can't stay."

Bullshit. He was an equally bad liar. 

"It's not like that! I said he was attractive, not that I wanted to marry the man!" You pinched the bridge of your nose and stared at the ceiling. "Maker...what did I do to deserve this punishment? How did I wrong you?"

Din let out a huff and gently pushed you aside, "I know. Being stuck here with me is awful. You'd rather flirt with the barkeep and twirl your hair around your finger all day."

Your gaze snapped toward him, "What did you just say?"

"You know I don't repeat myself."

Your chest heaved. You were beyond pissed. You stepped closer, standing between his open legs, and you poked the top of his helmet. 

"I did not twirl my fucking hair, Din. I wasn't flirting with him. Is it so wrong for me to enjoy being called pretty? To crave a bit of attention when I'm stuck on this ship with y-"

"If you don't want to be here, say so."

It was like a slap in the face. Only, it was your own hand. And it was your face. You egged him on, said the word 'stuck', and now you had most likely offended him. You hadn't meant to do that. He was just pissing you off so damn much with his hot and cold demeanor. You were, again, so damn bad at this. So bad at communicating your feelings to him.

You closed your eyes and took a breath before opening them back up to look at him with an apologetic gaze. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I want to be here. With you. You should know that by now. I just didn't appreciate you acting like that."

He stayed silent for a while and you chewed your cheek nervously. You could never tell what he was thinking. It drove you insane. Finally, he let out a whisper. "Would you have agreed?"

"Huh?" 

Now you were confused. _What was he talking about?_

True to his word, he didn't repeat himself or explain. You stood there for another quiet couple of minutes before glaring at him again. "You're going to need to elaborate because I have no idea what you're asking me, Din." 

"When he asked if you were busy. Would you have gone out with him?"

You were frozen. Shocked. Confused. Flabbergasted. Here you had thought he was being an ass just to be an ass, when in actuality he was...jealous? He couldn't honestly think you wanted to sleep with the bartender...could he?

You watched him clench his fist and you let out an amused laugh, "Din, were you _jealous_?"

He stiffened again. "No."

"Oh you were so fucking jealous! I'm standing there, holding _your_ child, and relishing in the fact that a man called me pretty and you were fucking jealous! I can't believe this! I just told you that I wanted to be here with you! You seriou-"

"Mesh'la."

Oh. 

You immediately shut your mouth. Then opened it once more to simply gape at him. 

"I'm not jealous. I just don't like that you smiled at him when he called you pretty but then, when I call you beautiful you just stare at me like a fish."

You glared at him, "I'm not a fish."

"Didn't say you were. Said you stare at me like one."

"Whatever. So, what you're saying is that you didn't like how I responded to being called pretty?"

He gave a quick nod and you smirked, "Din, that's called jealousy."

"It's not-"

You shut him up by taking a step back and kicking his legs closed with the toe of your boot. Then, you decided it was time for you to be bold. Maybe then you could finally get more out of him. You rested both hands on his shoulders and straddled him. He shifted slightly and you hummed in approval. 

"You're an idiot, you know that? I want to be here with you. I came back to this ship with you. I _kissed_ you. Sure, I liked being called pretty. Yeah, it made me smile, but you wanna know something?" 

The visor tilted in a silent question. You stared level at him and grabbed his right hand, pulling his glove off and resting the palm against the top of your left breast. "Say it again."

He said nothing, most likely confused, so you continued, "Call me beautiful again, Din. Say it."

He cleared his throat and obliged, "Mesh'la."

You were certain he could feel it beneath the thin material of your shirt. He could feel the rapid thumping of your heart in response to the word. He let out a quiet noise and ran his thumb across the swell of your breast. The simple touch made you shiver and you whimpered.

"Mesh'la."

He trailed his hand down and you gasped as his thumb brushed your hardened nipple. Your eyes fluttered close and you bit your lip again. There was something so sublime about the feeling of his touch. You never wanted him to stop. To your pleasant surprise, he didn't.

You leaned into him as his other hand settled on your waist. Cold leather against your bare flesh and his bare fingers against your thinly clothed chest. Oh, it was magical. So magical, that you let out a little moan and you slipped your fingers in the crevice beneath his helmet. You had come to adore that spot; that little inch of bare skin that was left exposed. You loved the way he shivered whenever your fingers touched his naked flesh. You smiled as you trailed your fingers along the span of tanned skin and he groaned louder. 

"Y/N."

His grip on your waist tightened and you felt something solid press against your thigh. 

_Oh_. 

You shifted again and pressed against him more urgently. Perfect. He was hard and you were aching. Your whole body was on fire and you were certain that your panties were ruined. Soaked. Every part of you wanted him inside of you. Now. Needed him. Needed to feel his skin against yours again. 

The only question was whether or not he'd reciprocate. Did he even want you in that capacity? Clearly his body did. You impulsively decided to test the waters. What was the worst that would happen? He'd push you away again and you'd get over the slight sting of rejection. You had before, so what did you have to lose?

You rocked your hips against his and gasped, "Din."

He snapped. Finally. Hand removed from your waist and chest, he brushed his fingertips under your top and pulled the offending article off your upper body. Though your body was on fire under his touch, the Razor Crest was cold. So cold, in fact, that it made your nipples hurt. It didn't last long, though, and soon enough his other glove came off and both hands palmed the sensitive flesh of your breasts. 

"Mesh'la." His breath was labored and he struggled to continue, "I-"

You interrupted him this time, " _Anything_." It came out as a needy whine. "Tell me what you need and you can have it. Anything. Fuck, Din, I'll give you anything you want. Please."

"Your shorts. Off. Now."

Another moan escaped you, the solid bulge in his pants pressed so sweetly against your aching core. You nodded frantically, not caring about anything else, and pulled off of him. You ripped the offending clothing off yourself and heard him groan again.

"Let me see you. All of you."

Your cheeks reddened at his commanding tone and you stared at him, tongue tracing your bottom lip. "Okay."

You slowly trailed your hands over your sides, goosebumps rising all over your flushed skin, and you hooked your index fingers into the waistband of your panties. You silently cursed yourself for not owning cuter underwear, but the bulge in his lap told you that he didn't care in the slightest. He was still fully clothed, save for his bare hands, and the reflection of your mostly naked form in the sheen of his beskar made you even wetter. There was something so hot about him still in all his armor, watching you as you slowly pulled the black material down your thighs. You stared straight at him with half-lidded eyes and you dropped the panties to the floor, catching an edge on your toes and flinging the item directly at him. 

A modulated growl echoed through the cockpit and, the second the cotton hit him, he rose out of the chair and turned you so that your hands rested against the arms of his pilot seat. He had you bent slightly, knees shaking and pussy throbbing. You knew he could see you. All of you. Arching your back, you turned your head to peek over your shoulder. 

"Don't look at me like that, Mesh'la. I won't be able to hold myself back."

You squeezed your thighs together and made a hum of approval, "Then don't. Din, please, I want you. All of you. Please, I nee-Ah!"

You didn't get to finish your sentence, his fingers tracing the outline of your lower lips and distracting you. You felt his knee wedge between your legs and you instinctively spread them for him. He was being authoritative and you loved it. 

"You're perfect." He pressed a finger against your entrance and you whined again. "So wet for me. Tell me, Y/N, who do you want to call you pretty?"

"D-Din, please. I-"

A loud smack bounced off the walls and you moaned loudly at the sting of his palm against your ass. Shit, that was so hot. Who knew he would be like this? You'd known him to be commanding, sure, but you'd never thought he'd be so dominant like this.

"Who do you want to call you pretty? Say it."

He rubbed his hand over the mark and you pushed back against him, "You! Maker, only you! Din! Please, I don't want anyone else. I just want you!" 

That must've been exactly the answer he had wanted because, not a second later, you felt the intrusion of his finger inside you. You gasped and moaned again, bucking your hips and arching your back more. Oh, it was so good. So good, but also so not enough. 

You needed _more_. 

He delivered, pressing another finger inside of you and pushing them in and out. Your legs were trembling, knuckles turning white against the chair as he pleasured you. You knew the baby wasn't far, but selfishly you couldn't care less. You kept writhing about, moaning and growing wetter with every thrust of his fingers. 

His other hand trailed down your spine, grabbing your asscheek and spreading you so that he could see you better. Maker, that was so hot. He was watching his fingers dive deep inside of you and it turned you on so damn much. You felt him adjust slightly behind you and his second hand came off you. You spread your legs as wide as they could go, leaning forward more, and he choked out a guttural groan.

"I need to be inside of you."

Another whimper fell from your lips and you nodded frantically, "Yes! Please. I want you inside me. Please, Din."

Soon enough, his fingers were removed and you had a mere couple of seconds to complain before you felt something larger nudge at your opening. 

_Oh_. 

He was big. Thicker than any other man you had taken, not that there had been many. You could count on one hand how many men you'd taken to bed. Only one or two had actually been a decent time. One of which had been an old friend. Then, there had been that guy on-

_Oh stars._

He was inside of you in one quick thrust and you cried out in pleasure. He rested his hands on your hips and began a brutal pace, stretching you out and making you gasp. He filled you so perfectly, unlike anyone before, and it took everything in you not to finish right then. You shivered and felt the build up rising.

"No. Not now. You can come on my cock but not now." His hand fisted in your hair and he tugged gently as he pounded into you. "You feel so good. I knew you would."

Your pussy was dripping and you couldn't remember a time when you had craved anything more. You wanted to do this forever. To feel him inside of you every fucking day. Wanted to hear the slap of skin against skin. Wanted to feel his balls gently hit your throbbing clit every second of your life.

"D-Din. I-I can't ho-"

Through what sounded like gritted teeth, he growled at you. "No. You come when I tell you, Mesh'la. If you come now, I won't be able to hold back and I don't want to stop fucking you yet."

You whined and pulled a knee onto the seat of the chair, stretching yourself more and fully able to take him deeper. You heard him mutter something and his thrusts became more frantic. He was close. Despite what he had just said about not wanting to stop, you could feel him throbbing inside you. Pressing against him harder, you felt a wave of orgasm coming over you. You couldn't hold back anymore and he knew. You felt him pull tighter at your hair, other hand coming down hard to smack your ass once more. 

That was it. You couldn't take it. 

You cried out as you came onto his cock, silently screaming in pleasure as he continued pounding into you. He rode you through your orgasm and your pussy throbbed in pain and pleasure as he thrusted. Once. Twice. Three times more and he stilled against you, hand tangled in your hair as he let out a modulated groan of pleasure. Hot cum spilled inside of you and you gasped at the foreign feeling. 

_Maker, that felt incredible._

Warmth spread inside of you and you sighed happily. You could hear his ragged breath from beneath the helmet and your knees finally gave out. He caught you before you could slump against the chair and he slowly pulled out of you, a small amount of cum trickling down your inner thigh. You whined at the loss but quickly hummed in approval when you felt his fingers pull out of your hair and brush gently against your spine. 

"Mesh'la."

You gave a tired hum in response. Too spent to form a cohesive thought and throat slightly aching from overuse. You felt him slowly lift you, adjusting you so he could cradle you in his arms, and you slowly opened your eyes to find his helmet staring down at you. His breathing was calming down and you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling yourself up slightly to press a quick kiss to the beskar. It was cold against your lips, but it was a welcomed cold when the rest of your body was so warm. 

You mumbled quietly against the cold steel, a soft smile on your plush lips. "Perfect."


	5. Maybe I'm Just A Fool.

**Maybe I'm Just A Fool.**

* * *

  
The sound of a baby crying woke you and you jolted upright, head smacking itself right into a wall of metal and crashing back down. "Fuck!" 

  
Where the hell were you? It was pitch black and, try as they did, your eyes couldn't make out anything. You were pressed up against a warm body, the feeling of hot breath against the nape of your neck. You were so confused. That is, until your nose picked up on the subtle scent of pine and...sex? 

  
_Oh yeah._

  
Your cheeks flushed in the darkness and you pulled a blanket up to your chest. The hazy memories of hours before invaded your mind and you shivered, another wave of his breathing hitting you. Wait a second-

  
_Breath? Who the fu-_

  
"Go back to sleep."

  
Your eyes snapped fully open and you gasped. That voice. Even without the helmet it still held the same raspy tone, thick as honey, and you almost moaned at the sound. 

  
"Din?"

  
"No." He sounded slightly annoyed and it was easier to pick up on without the static, "It's the frozen trash can."

  
_Smart ass._

  
You couldn't hear the child anymore, however, you still listened just in case. You gently rolled over, careful not to squish your partner in the small confines of the bunk. That's where you were. His bed. You couldn't remember anything after the glorious feeling of him inside of you and you took that as a sign that you had passed out in his arms. Which meant...he brought you to bed. With him. And…

  
_He had taken off the helmet._

  
You smiled softly and hesitantly reached out a hand, only to have your fingertips make contact with the smooth skin of his shoulder. "Go back to bed."

  
There was no way that was happening. Not when he was laid, most likely naked, beside you, helmet finally off his head. You were pretty sure that not a single piece of beskar was on his body and the thought sent a thrill through you. How could you sleep when you could _explore_?

  
Your fingers trailed down his chest and you groaned quietly at the feel of scattered hair, mixed with the occasional scar. He grunted in response, probably annoyed that you were keeping him from slumber. You didn't care, hands continuing their trek. You ran them down his abdomen, smiling when his muscles clenched and twitched in response. Then lower, where you brushed your knuckles over the bone of his hip and you stretched your hand out over the globe of a buttcheek. 

  
"Get some rest." His body betrayed his words, and the feel of his manhood hardening against you made you shiver. 

  
"Why rest when I can touch you?" 

  
It was a fair question. He was always covered from head to toe in thick leather and steel. You'd never caught more than a glimpse of his skin. This was the closest you had ever been to him. Physically and emotionally, in your opinion. Sure, he sounded tired, but you didn't really care. He could still sleep while you explored the surprisingly soft expanse of his body. Your hand made its way back up until you remembered.

  
_No helmet. He had no fucking helmet on._

  
You breathed deeply through your nose and bit your lip in anticipation. Thin fingers travelled upward and you made a pleased noise when you came into contact with a thick head of hair. It curled slightly, slightly unkempt, and as your fingertips brushed his forehead, you could tell that some of it stuck to his face. You brushed the locks away from his forehead and gasped when a large hand gently grasped your wrist.

  
"Aren't you tired?" He sounded slightly worried and you laced your fingers in his. 

  
"Not really." 

  
It was a lie. Your voice betrayed you, too. You were tired. The ups and downs of your recent interactions and the sleepless night before hadn't helped with that. You didn't care, though. All you wanted was to memorize every inch of him like this and, based on where your hand had been when he removed it, your face was now only a small turn from his. 

  
Maker, that made you nervous. You wanted to kiss him so badly. Would he reciprocate, though? Is that what he wanted? Would he push you away? There was only one way to find out.

  
You turned your cheek slightly, "Din?"

  
Soft breaths puffed out over the tip of your nose and you smiled as he made a noise to respond. "Hm?"

  
You unlaced your fingers from his and stroked his cheek. You must have startled him again because he jumped slightly. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

  
He sighed before mumbling, "Didn't scare me. Just surprised. I'm not used to it...It tickles."

  
"Oh."

  
You didn't know what to say. He was clearly slipping in and out of sleep and you didn't really want to fully wake him with your question. Maybe you'd just be bold and do it? Just a little peck. Who were you kidding...you wouldn't be able to stop yourself at that. 

  
Your thoughts raced as you thought about what he'd look like. Did he have facial hair? A small nose? A big nose? Full lips? Full brows? Wrinkles? Freckles? Dimples? There were endless possibilities and all of them made you happy. Hell, he could be missing an eye and have a hairy mole on his nose and you wouldn't care. You were just happy to be in this moment.

  
"Mesh'la." You were certain you pronounced it correctly this time, fingers draped over his cheekbones. 

  
That woke him up. The sound of his own language rolling off your tongue made him fully aware of his surroundings and he turned to rest his hand on your waist. 

  
"Did you just-"

  
"Mesh'la." You said it again. This time louder. 

  
He groaned and you felt him grind against you, "Remind me to teach you more."

  
Your face lit up in the darkness and you giggled, "Really?"

  
You felt him bury his face into the crook of your neck and nod, "If you'll wake me up every day by speaking my language, I'll give you anything."

  
You bit your lip again and nodded slowly, careful not to bump his head with yours. "Then teach me another one now."

  
He groaned, " _Now?_ Go back to sleep."

  
"Teach me another word and I swear I'll make it worth it. Please, Din."

  
That caught his attention, "What word?"

  
 _Hm._ You hadn't really thought about what you wanted to know. Everything, really. You wanted to be able to speak the entire language with him. Wanted to know every word of his native tongue. Wanted to be able to carry full conversations with him in Mando'a. That would have to wait, though. For now, you'd settle on a word that had buried itself in your heart the night before. 

  
"Home."

  
"Yaim." He was quick to say it to you, probably having anticipated the choice. 

  
"Yam?"

  
He laughed against your skin and you could feel him shake his head, "No, not yam. _Yaim._ "

  
You shifted, scared to butcher the word. It was simple enough, though, so you got it on the second try. "Yaim."

  
His grip on you tightened and you let out a breathless moan as he spoke. "That's good. You're a quick learner."

  
"I have a good teacher. One that I promised something to if he did a good job teaching me."

  
You could tell he was curious, "Oh?"

  
You pulled away from his grasp and shimmied yourself a little further down the small bed. You had wanted to do this last night but neither of you had been very patient in your search for pleasure. So, you figured now was the time. Your hands travelled down his torso and you heard him suck in a breath as your mouth hovered above his growing erection. Your right hand moved lower and he groaned when your fingers gripped the base of his cock.

  
"Fuck."

  
You smirked against the skin of his upper thigh, not used to hearing a cuss fall from his mouth. "No. Not fuck. I was thinking of something else, actually."

  
His response got caught in his throat the second you pressed your tongue flat against the underside of him. He was stiff as a board now, twitching as you continued to give him broad licks. Desperate to taste more of him, you leaned your head forward and moaned as he filled your mouth. 

  
Damn, did he taste divine. Salty, slightly sweaty, and just so...him. 

  
You bobbed your head up and down, hand holding firm at his base as you hollowed out your cheeks. The muscles of his thighs were tight and he made noises somewhere between a groan and a growl. Maker, that was hot. Here he was, the most feared bounty hunter in the galaxy, coming undone and trembling at the feeling of your mouth around him. You held such a power over him and the sheer thought of it made your pussy throb. Your free hand reached down to press small circles against your clit. 

  
_Oh, fuck._

  
You moaned, slightly gagging as he jerked his hips. His cock brushed against the back of your throat and you moved at a more rapid pace. You wanted to taste him. All of him. You wanted to feel his hot, thick cum trickle down your throat. Wanted to swallow every last drop. That was the goal, at least, until he grabbed a fist of your hair and gently tugged you off him. 

  
"Din, what a-"

  
"I'm close. Where-" His breaths were short, panting, "Where do you want it?"

  
You whined and unwrapped your hair from his fingers, "You could've finished by now, Din. I want to taste you. I want your cum down my fucking throat. Don't interrupt."

  
You were normally not so bold around him but, well, something about being with him in this capacity made you far more brazen.

  
You heard the sound of his head dropping against the pillow and he made a tortured sound, "Mesh'la."

  
Making a hum of approval you went back to your task. Slower, torturously slow. He interrupted you and you were damned if he wasn't at least going to be punished a little bit for that. Your hand moved from the base of his cock to gently massage his balls and he groaned again. He was close. His balls were tense and his moans were more frequent. Finally, deciding the slow pace had served its purpose, you sped up and moaned loudly around him. He mumbled a string of curses and you rubbed more furiously at your aching bud. 

  
So close. You were close. He was close. 

  
_Stars you needed to cum._

  
Your nerves tingled and you felt the immediate coming of an orgasm. It crashed down over you and you moaned one last time, pushing him over the edge as he splattered his seed all over your tongue and throat. 

  
He filled your mouth and groaned as you sucked him gently, coaxing every last drop out of him. Then, you pulled off of him and caught a small trickle that ran down the corner of your mouth. Licking the excess off your fingers, you squeaked in surprise when a rough hand grabbed your waist and you were pulled on top of him. Your thighs were trembling and your sensitive clit brushed against his thigh as he pulled you down. 

  
A tortured whine escaped your lips, "Din! I'm-Ah, I'm sensi-"

  
You were cut off by the gentle brushing of lips against yours and you gasped against his mouth. He went to slowly pull away and you grabbed at his cheeks, pulling him back in. You parted your lips, tongue slipping out and tracing a line on his mouth. He reciprocated and your tongues battled, both of you eager to taste the other. When you finally pulled away, you had a cheesy smile on your face. He probably couldn't see it, but it was there.

  
You ran your fingers through his thick locks once more and then traced the outline of his facial features. Across a slightly hooked nose, a thin mustache and a patchy beard. He was even more perfect than you could have imagined. Incredible. 

  
You were about to tell him so when the sound of wailing came through the bunk. You moved to get up and Din's hand pressed you gently against the bed. You heard some rustling of clothes and then the clinking of metal before he said anything.

  
"I'll go."

  
His voice was modulated again and a frown tugged at your lips. How had he put the helmet back on so quickly? You tried not to let your disappointment sound, but failed miserably. "Oh, okay."

  
He paused and sighed, "Don't do that."

  
 _Shit._ You were being an asshole again. Here you had just shared a beautifully intimate moment and now you were being an ungrateful brat. He let you touch him, taste him. Hell, he even kissed you. Why were you so disappointed now? That wasn't fair.

  
You internally scolded yourself and you smiled up at where you assumed his face to be, "Sorry. I just-"

  
"It's fine."

  
You shook your head, "No, Din, it's not. I shouldn't be like that. I'm happy. Really, I am. I just wasn't prepared to give you back quite yet."

  
His body went rigid. You were about to say something about it when the lights of the ship blinded you and he stepped out to check on the child. He didn't say another word, just left you there clutching a thin blanket to your naked chest. 

  
He came back a few moments later, baby now silent, and he handed you a clean set of clothes. Then, he was moving to leave again. You blinked up at him in confusion, a tortured frown on your lips.

  
"Din?"

  
His boots came to a halt on the metal floor and he waited for you to continue. You didn't really know what to say. Why was he acting like this? You apologized for being an asshole, so why was he so damn silent? Why was he being so cold again?

  
"What?" The tone of his voice was sharp and it didn't go unnoticed. 

  
You narrowed your eyes at his back and sighed, "Where are you going?"

  
"To chart the course for the next planet. You interrupted me last night, remember?"

  
Interrupted? Is that how he saw it? You gave him the most intimate part of you and he called it…interrupting? 

  
_Oh hell no. Not this shit again. Every fucking time._

  
He was so damn hot and cold. You couldn't keep track. He had been so soft with you moments before so what died and crawled up his ass? 

  
"Did you need something else?"

  
Your heart hurt again and you didn't care to think before you spoke this time, "From you, Mando? No thanks. Wouldn't want to fucking _interrupt_ you again. Sorry I've wasted your time."

  
His helmet turned slightly and you yanked on your clothes, stumbling out of the bunk and storming in the opposite direction of the cockpit through blurry vision.

  
_Yaim. Home? Maybe you should have picked a different word to learn._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the sweet torture is back. I mean, you guys couldn't honestly think I'd let them be happy for too long...did you? 
> 
> Anyways, I've been posting like a madwoman so it's time for a tiny little break. Nothing major, I swear. It's just that Thanksgiving is coming up and that's a super crazy time at work for me. I'll be working on more chapters tomorrow but nothing will be up until next week. If you celebrate anything this week, then enjoy your holidays! 
> 
> PS: Thank you for all the love and support. This story came to me in a whirlwind so I'm really glad you guys like it so far. We're going to start getting into more treacherous territory soon~


	6. These Dreams I Have Of You.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I hope everyone (that had anything to celebrate) had a great holiday. As I told you guys before, the holidays are a busy time at work buuuuut I've got a good amount of chapters written. I'm thinking of dividing this story into multiple parts. Minefields will be the first, about 15 chapters or so, and then there will be a following story. I really appreciate everyone's comments, you guys are the greatest. I'm going to try to keep a schedule of posting Tuesdays (lol I say even though today is Monday), and maybe an extra chapter every now and then on a Thursday or Sunday. Hopefully, that'll work for you guys! I'm gonna shut up now so enjoy today's kinda angsty chapter!
> 
> Also: Today's chapter may or may not have made me cry...
> 
> Also also: I smashed my left index finger a couple days ago and it's really swollen so typing kinda sucks XD

**These Dreams I Have Of You.**

* * *

You chased the baby around the ship, laughing to yourself as he gurgled happily. He got like this sometimes. Wanted to run around and act like, well, a baby. It made you nauseatingly happy and, every time he wanted to play this little game of tag, you would happily oblige. Usually he'd wait until the Mandalorian was out grabbing supplies or on a hunt, so this was a rare occasion where he wanted to play with only you, despite Din being home. 

_Home._

Right. You had given that some thought. Sure, things between you and your companion were beyond awkward. You'd come to the conclusion that the Mandalorian was an enigma. An enigma that you had tried your hardest to understand. He'd given you nothing. No explanation for why he'd shut you out. So, you'd simply assumed that he had gotten what he'd wanted and now it was back to the old routine. It killed you inside. You'd thought he'd cared for you more than that. You'd thought you meant more than just a one night stand. Besides, who had a one night stand with someone they lived with? 

Apparently, a pissy Mandalorian that was starved for human touch.

As soon as you entered a room now, he'd not even bother with an excuse and would simply leave without a word. It was agitating. Painful, even. The thing was that, every time you looked down at that sweet toddler and he'd stare up at you with those wide eyes, you'd forget you were even sad. He had that effect on people, you supposed. With that thought in your mind, it was impossible to want to leave again. 

Besides, you wouldn't say it out loud but...you _missed_ Din.

You slept alone, the warmth of the bounty hunter's arms wrapped around you only existing in your dreams now. Hell, you couldn't even remember what he smelled like anymore, that's how much he avoided you. You didn't interact with him either. Didn't even say a word. He'd sometimes tell you where you were going, how long he'd be gone from the ship, and you'd simply nod your head to express that you'd heard him. 

You just didn't have the energy to try anymore...and he saw that.

So, imagine his surprise when he found you chasing the baby around, making grabby hands of your own and smiling so happily. He hadn't seen that smile in what felt like eons. You didn't give it to him anymore. Only to the child. The only emotion you had left to give went to that baby. 

He had just come out of the cockpit and almost tripped over the little one, letting out a noise of shock. The baby tumbled a bit, landing with a soft thud, and Din watched as your eyes widened and you ran towards the child. Worry lines settled above your brow and you knelt down beside the baby.

"Oh! Are you okay, sweet boy?" You picked him up and curled your arms around him, sighing quietly as he cried. "I'm so sorry, honey, I shouldn't have let you run so close to the door. Are you okay?"

You ran a gentle finger along his ear and he sniffled quietly. "Come on. Let's get you some food. That'll make you feel better, huh?"

Ears perked up, he cooed and you smiled brightly at him. There was that smile again. You turned your back on the Mandalorian, never acknowledging his presence, and walked off to get some food. 

Din sighed, jaw tensed under the helmet. Turning back to the cockpit, he sat down and closed his eyes. _This was life now._ If the baby was with him, you were off reading or cleaning. If the baby was with you, he was either out or in the cockpit. He hated it. What he hated even more was not knowing who to blame. If he were honest, though, he was probably to blame. He'd clearly hurt your feelings that morning. Your voice had always been expressive and he'd heard the tears in it that day. The second you'd called him _'Mando'_ he knew he'd broken you in some way.

He was so bad at this. So bad at letting you in. So bad at telling you why he acted the way he did. So, he let you have your space. That was what you wanted... _right?_

* * *

You were never in the same room for more than a minute.

The only exception had been once, when you'd walked out of the refresher. You had forgotten to bring your clothes in with you, wrapping yourself in just a towel and tiptoeing out. You had only taken two steps when he walked out of the cockpit, visor fixed on your dripping form. You'd let out a squeak of surprise and almost dropped the towel. 

"Shit, Din, you scared-" Your eyes widened at your own outburst and you pressed your lips together. "Sorry, I'm probably in your way. I'll leave."

Before he could even respond, you were running off again. A trail of water was the only proof that he hadn't imagined you. You had said his name. Sure, you'd stopped yourself immediately after, but the sound still made a small smile settle on the stoic man's lips. If you hated him, at least you still said his name when you were in the heat of the moment.

_Maker, that had killed him._

Sometimes, when he fell asleep at night, he could still smell your body wash wafting out in the steam. He could still see the trickle of water falling in between your breasts. He could picture the way your face was slightly flushed from the hot water. He could still see the look of shock on your face when you saw him standing there. He could still hear his name falling off your plush lips. 

If he thought about it harder, he could even picture your face flushed, body bent over his pilot's chair, ass pressed against him as he took you. The thought tortured him almost every time he closed his eyes. On nights when the dreams were especially vivid, he could feel your mouth wrapped around him, his hand in your hair. He could hear your moans and whimpers, his name the only thing yo-

_Wait._

His eyes shot open at the noise. He wasn't dreaming anymore, of that he was certain. _You were crying._ Where on the ship? He didn't know. The noise tugged at him, though, and he stood up from his seat to leave the cockpit. How long had he been asleep? What time was it? 

He stumbled out of the pit and glanced around. The baby was tucked away in his bed, sleeping soundly, and, though it was a relief, it still didn't make him feel much better. That hadn't been the baby crying. It was you. So he set off to find you. 

It didn't take him long. He found you curled up where you always slept; the cargo hold. You were sleeping but tears streaked your cheeks and your face was contorted in pain. _A nightmare?_ You let out another pained cry and Din took a cautious step forward. He didn't want to startle you or have you wake up to him crowding you in a wall of armor. Instead, he peeled off his beskar, save for the helmet, and knelt down beside you. 

There was a layer of moisture on your lashes and you let out another whimper, "Din..."

He stilled beside you. Were you-

Another one. This time a sob. "Please...don't…"

What were you even dreaming about? What could possibly make you cry like that? What kind of nightmare could scare you this much? And about him, no less? He was beyond confused. You didn't want anything to do with him anymore, so why would you dream about him?

Did you cry like this every night?

"Don't...go...please…"

_Oh._

His shoulders slumped, gaze softening beneath the helmet. This was what you dreamed about now? Him leaving? It made his head hurt to think about. Honestly, if you hadn't been crying, he almost would have thought it was a good dream. Him leaving. The thought probably made you happy when you were awake. After all, you didn't want to be with him anymore. 

You let out another cry and he shook himself from the thoughts. That was enough. You needed to wake up.

A bare hand pressed gently against your shoulder and he jostled you a bit, "Y/N."

No response. Only more tears. 

"Y/N?"

Your whole body trembled beneath his touch and you cried again, "Please...don't hurt...me…"

Okay. That was definitely enough. Dreaming about him leaving was one thing, but to dream about him harming you? Absolutely not. He would never. Could never. Why didn't you know that? 

He pressed against you firmly and said your name one last time, "Y/N." 

You shot up into a sitting position and gasped for air, tears trickling down your cheeks again. You stared at the wall in front of you, chest heaving and fingers formed so tightly into fists that your hands bled. Crescent shaped cuts littered your palms and you choked out one more sob.

That had been the most vivid nightmare you'd ever experienced. You got nightmares on a near daily basis now, so it was really nothing new. They were always the same. Always about _him_. How he'd leave you. Abandon you on some backwater planet and take the child with him. He'd find a replacement. Her face was always blurry in the dreams, but she was gorgeous nonetheless. A perfect woman that did everything you did, but better. Hell, she probably even gave head better. The thought of it made your stomach churn and your chest burn. The thought of him ever with someone else made you want to puke.

Your heart hurt so fucking much. 

The thought of him abandoning you and shacking up with some random bitch made your head throb. He'd leave you for her. Love her in the way that he'd never love you. Hurt you and break your heart again. 

This time it was what he'd said about you in the dream that had haunted you. To her. To the perfect woman.

_She's not with me. I don't need her._

You curled into your knees and kept crying. Sobbing. Loudly. He was going to hear you. Fuck, you were going to wake up the baby and his fa-

"Y/N?"

You yelped in shock and jumped, whipping around to look at Din with wide eyes. Your back hit a first aid kit and you could already feel the bruise forming. You didn't care, though. All that mattered was that he was already beside you, staring at you, and you were a fucking mess. 

"U-Um, I'm sorry. Did I wake you up? It was just a nightmare." You shivered, "No big deal. Really."

You rubbed the tears from your face and wiped furiously at your nose. You probably looked like a crazy person. If he hadn't hated you before then he sure as shit did now that you'd woken him up. He probably hated being this close to you anymore. The sheer sight of you probably disgusted him.

"Are you alright?"

The concern in his voice didn't go unnoticed and you shifted uncomfortably before nodding, "Yeah. I'm-I'm okay. Sorry if I bothered you."

You thought that would get him off your back; that he would simply accept the answer and go back to his probably peaceful slumber. No such luck. He continued to stare at you and felt your face heating up. You were about to say something when he beat you to it.

"Do your nightmares always include me?"

_Shit_. You must have been talking in your sleep. What were your options here? Lie? No way. He already knew and there was no point. Tell the truth? Tell him that he was all you ever dreamed about? That in the beginning it had been sweet, beautiful dreams. After he'd brought you back to the ship, all you'd dreamt about was a hopeful future with him. Dreams of a happy life, and more kids than just the little green toddler. Tell him that you had realized the depth of your feelings for him? Tell him that now it was just nightmares because you thought you'd lost him? Tell him you knew you had overstayed your welcome. Tell him you knew he hated you and that it broke you to know that. 

_Definitely not._

You settled on somewhere in between. You were a terrible liar, so there needed to be some truth in your response.

"Not always. Sometimes I have dreams that something bad happens to the kid." That was true. "Usually you're just in the dream. You don't really say or do much." The lie.

You couldn't tell if he believed you, and part of you didn't care. You pushed yourself off the floor, wrapping the blanket around yourself and stumbling passed him. You didn't get far, though, and he stood up to stop you before you got to the door.

"You're a terrible liar."

_Shit._

You cleared your throat and forced a smile, "What are you talking about? I'm not lying, Mando."

Stars, that name still tasted foul on your tongue. You hated calling him that. It felt like a separate person altogether. Like the man beneath the armor was Din, but the man with the armor was Mando. Your brain couldn't fuse the two and it drove you nuts. Then again, he clearly didn't care if you did. He didn't even care to be around you, so what did he care what you thought of him?

_Right?_

He took a measured step towards you and sighed in exasperation, "Tell me the truth. Are all of your bad dreams about me?"

How were you supposed to respond to that without making both of you feel like shit? How we-

"Are all of your nightmares about me hurting you?"

He was...angry? Pissed, in fact. You could sense it and you stared at him in disbelief. 

He didn't let you get a word in before he continued, uncharacteristically talkative for him. "Is that what you think of me? That I'd put my _hands_ on you? That I'd physically hurt you? Is tha-"

"What?!"

You all but shrieked and then immediately slapped a hand over your mouth. You had forgotten that, somewhere within the ship, the child was sleeping soundly. Hopefully you hadn't woken him. 

Still, you stared in shock at the man. That's what he thought the dreams were about? No. You knew he would never physically harm you. He was too good a man to do something so disgusting. Of that, you were certain.

"That is not what I dream about!" You yelled in a whisper. "You thought I was dreaming about you beating me up?"

"You were telling me not to hurt you. How am I _supposed_ to take that?"

You frantically shook your head and, before you could think carefully about your words, you were rambling. "I know you would never hurt me like that. I'm not stupid! I don't dream about you beating me up, Din. That's not the only way you could hurt me. I have nightmares about you leaving me! About you finding someone better, which wouldn't be so fucking hard if I'm honest with myself. Someone that deserves you. Someone that understands you, because I sure as shit don't. I try and then as soon as I think I've got you figured out, you're mad at me again."

"Y/N."

You jabbed a finger in his face and kept going, "No. Shut up, I'm talking. I have nightmares about you starting a new life. A life with the baby, with some other, prettier woman. Someone who can understand why you would give me just enough hope to think maybe you want what I want out of this. I have nightmares about you breaking my fucking heart, Din, because…"

He was still and you could feel the familiar trickle again, streaming down your cheeks as you whispered, "Because you already have…"

Silence.

You had expected that. He was definitely going to get rid of you now. Mandalorians didn't often travel with others that weren't of their own kind. You had read a lot about them recently, trying desperately to understand him. Maybe that was why you separated the two sides of him. After your last interaction, the thought of which made your cheeks flush and your body warm, you'd cracked open every last book you had. It was something you had done before meeting him and the child, too. You liked to read. You liked to know about various cultures and people, that way, when you possibly met them, you'd understand them. So, you treated him the same. You scoured through every last book you owned and tagged every section on Mandalorian life. 

It was fascinating but it was also terrifying.

So, you divided his being in your mind. 

One half, the softer half, was Din. He was sweet, attentive and warm. He'd been gone recently, leaving you all alone.

The other half was Mando. Cold, distant and silent. He'd come back when Din left. Being with him right now was as good as being alone.

You had separated them because accepting that they were one and the same hurt your brain even more than your heart. You couldn't fathom how you'd ever formed a crush on Mando before. Before you knew Din, you knew Mando. Once you met Din, you didn't know how to deal with Mando anymore. You didn't want to wrack your brain trying to understand the ruthless bounty hunter that said two words to you at a time and left you alone most days. You wanted Din.

But then again…they were the same person in the end, weren't they?

A soft sigh pulled you out from your own chaotic head and you gasped as warm hands pressed you against a firm torso. You stayed there for a while, breathing in his scent. A scent that was so unmistakably...Din. 

Then it hit you. 

He still smelled of leather and beskar, too. Sure, the smell of pine was stronger, but lingering at the end was the scent of a Mandalorian. When you took it in again, it made you warm and fuzzy inside. It reminded you of that night in the cockpit. Reminded you that, though you divided them in your mind, you clearly wanted both sides of the man. After all, you'd let him bend you over a chair to take you while he was clad in all his armor. Shortly after he had pissed you off by being stoic and rude, you'd still given yourself to him. Still wanted him. 

You wanted all of him. That's what you had told him before, right? So then, you needed to show him that. 

Finally, you lifted your gaze to find his helmet already tilted down to look at you. "I'm not going to leave you anywhere, Cyar'ika."

"Shakira?"

You felt the quiet rumble of laughter bubbling from his chest, "No. Cyar'ika."

"Why did you leave me like that?"

Your questions made his quiet laughter stop and part of you regretted asking. The other part of you needed to know the answer. You needed to understand what went through his mind. How could you express that you wanted all of him if you didn't try to understand? You took a deep breath and buried your face into his chest, hands gripping his back tightly so that he couldn't run. Well, he could always run. He was much stronger than you. If he really wanted to leave, he could. 

He didn't move, though, and instead he sighed again. "Do you remember what you said to me? After you…"

He trailed off and you blushed slightly, "After I sucked you off?"

He cleared his throat and you knew he wasn't comfortable with your choice of wording in the soft moment. Nevertheless, he continued, "Yes. After _that_." 

You thought back to right before he changed his demeanor. What had you said? Wait. It couldn't possibly be…

"When I apologized for being an idiot? When I said I was happy? When I implied that being with you made me happy? That's what made you upset?"

_No, no, no._

You wanted to take it back. Forget the question. You didn't want to talk about it anymore. This had been a bad idea. You grit your teeth and pulled away from him in horror. Was your happiness really that terrible? Had the thought of fully being with you really scorned him so badly? Was it that awful to imagine? 

"That's why you left? That's it, isn't it? You got what you wanted. I was right. You don't want what I want, do you? You didn't like tha-"

"Stop. Not that part. What you said after. When you said you didn't want to give me back." 

You blinked and your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Why had that made him so-

_Oh fuck._

You'd divided him in half in your mind. The Din half and the Mando half. He knew. He knew that you were more fond of the man without the armor. That you could've spent hours upon hours cuddled up with Din in that bunk, but the second Mando had stomped up next to you at a bar to confront the flirtatious bartender, you were pissed. You weren't being fair to him. It wasn't his fault. It was yours. 

You were, yet again, the biggest idiot in the galaxy. 

He let out a breath, "Look, Cyar'ika, I kno-"

You held a hand up and you squeezed your eyes shut. "Stop. Dream me was right. You deserve better. You need better. I-I can't be that woman. I'm terrible to you. I'm mad at you for being mad at me, when you had a perfectly reasonable excuse. You don't need this. You don't need me, Din. You never did. Life was probably so much better withou-"

"Cyar'ika. Stop."

You ignored him, "You don't need me. You don't."

"It doesn't matter if I need you. You're staying."

Your lip quivered and you stared up at him in disbelief. Sure, it wasn't a mind blowing confession or a declaration of love but it was something. After everything you had put him through, he still wanted you here.

Rough fingers pressed against the bottom of your chin and he forced you to look at him. "Mesh'la."

You felt his word deep in your core. Something about the way he spoke to you. The way he looked at you. _Perfection._

It was perfect and the more you thought about it...being a Mandalorian was a creed. Not a separate entity. The man in the armor was still the same man out of the armor. It didn't matter if he called you 'beautiful' when he was free of the helmet in bed or 'beautiful' like this. Jealous Mando was still jealous Din. He treated you just the same either way. He was protective, firm but kind. You had just received it differently. 

_Not anymore._

You wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your body against the soft fabric of his shirt. Peering up beneath your lashes, you gave him a soft smile. "I'm sorry, Din. For everything. I hurt you and I didn't mean to."

A modulated sigh escaped him, "Cyar'ika, it's okay. Ju-"

His voice faltered as you pressed your face into his chest and he could feel you trembling. You were crying again. 

"I missed you."

It came out as a mumble, muffled by his clothing, but he had heard you. You...missed him? You hadn't made any indication of that before, though it made some sense given the nightmares you'd had. He didn't know how to tell you that he had dreams about you too. He didn't want to tell you, actually. How would you respond if you knew that he dreamed about you naked while you had nightmares about him leaving? 

He didn't want to upset you again.

Instead, he awkwardly ran his fingers through your hair, other hand resting on your lower back as you embraced. Your fingers clenched his shirt, stretching the fabric, and you squeezed your eyes shut again. How could you have ever thought you could survive without him? How could you have ever thought you could live the way you used to with him? Now that you had gotten more of him, how could you ever be satisfied with less? 

You couldn't.


	7. What I Risk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, babes! I promised a new chapter soooo here she is. Like I said, this one's more of a fun one. I got very creative. I have no idea what our handsome Mandalorian actually did with his old armor. Watched the episode where he gets the shiny new beskar about three times. So, in my mind he kept it stashed away on the ship. If that's wrong then please don't kill me! Din also doesn't really make too much of an appearance but I promise the next chapter will be filled with him.......if you catch my drift ;)
> 
> Also: My finger is doing a lot better so thank you to everyone that commented about it! It's just really bruised but it's not as swollen and it's not broken. Hooray!
> 
> Also also: Maybe I had to divide this chapter in half because it was too long...and maaaaaaaaybe the next chapter will also be posted today.

**What I Risk.**

* * *

The Razor Crest was currently a mess. The planet you were on was inhabited by these little...creatures? You didn't quite know what they were. They sort of looked like weird dogs. Spiny, purple dogs with protruding teeth. You'd never seen anything like them. All you knew was that the child loved them. They didn't seem to threaten him at all, so you allowed him to play. He adored it. Loved chasing them around and knocking shit over.

You supposed that was how you'd ended up in this situation.

Din was out grabbing some supplies; had been for a little while now. The creatures seemed harmless, save for the mess of chaos they caused, and so you'd let the baby play with them for a bit right outside the Crest. Unfortunately, one of them had gotten inside while you were cleaning and tripped you. It didn't sound that bad, right?

_Wrong._

It had tripped you and, when you reached out to grab something to hold yourself up with, about a million things came crashing down.

"Shit!" 

That was followed by a string of other curses when a piece of metal hit your forehead and your foot got tangled in a random wire. Hopefully it wasn't an important one because you were almost certain that you had just ripped it out. You landed on the floor with a thud, groaning as you rubbed your sore bottom. Your eyes fluttered open and you shrieked as you came face to metal with…armor?

_What the-_

When had another Mandalorian been here? Not since you had come onboard, that was for sure. So then, why were you laying next to a pile of tarnished Mandalorian armor? You ran the pad of your thumb across the littered dents and scratches on the chest piece. 

He'd said he was alone before you so…was this his?

The baby all but confirmed your suspicions when he ran over to you, plopping down on his bottom right next to your face and the old armor. He gurgled happily and put a little hand next to where your hand rested. 

You turned to look at him and smiled, "Your dad sure got an upgrade, didn't he?"

A bunch of random baby sounds ensued and you laughed softly. You could tell that he was getting tired. He was making lots of noise but his inquisitive eyes were fluttering and you took that as a sign of naptime. You groaned as you pushed yourself up and then reached down to grab the little one. He wasn't very fussy, play time having worn him down, and he went into the floating pram with ease. He cooed as you laid him down and you gave him a small peck on the forehead before closing the top.

Now, back to the mess.

You stilled as you made your way back to the armor. Standing not far in front of you was a slightly larger version of the animals that the child had been playing with. In its mouth? A nice big piece of that armor you had just stumbled upon.

_Oh no. No. No. No._

You took one step forward and it immediately turned to sprint in the opposite direction. 

"Fuck! Get back here you little shit!"

You yelled at it, running out and latching the door to the Crest on your way out. You hated the thought of the child being alone on the ship but you hoped you wouldn't be gone too long. Turning once more to check that it was locked, you high-tailed it in the same direction as the stubborn animal. You weren't very good at long distance running but you hoped that wherever the stupid things lived wasn't far. You also hoped that was as big as they got because, now that you thought about it, you had no weapons on you.

You never did ask for that knife back.

Oh, you were in deep shit. Major shit. Mudhorn sized shit.

You followed the tracks to a large cave and groaned loudly. Of course it was a fucking cave. Your hand smacked your forehead and you dropped your head back in frustration. Going into said cave was a terrible idea. Caves were one way in and the same way out. If you got cornered or lost it was going to be awful to try to get out. You'd be stupid to go inside.

Then again, you'd never claimed to be smart.

So, you forced a breath and stormed into the darkness. You were determined to get Din's armor back. Sure, it wasn't what he wore now but it probably still held some sentimental value. Right? You pictured the possibility of his parents giving it to him when he became an adult and the thought of you being the reason he lost it made your chest tighten. You didn't really know anything about his past before the child, but to keep the armor meant it was important, right?

You had to get the fucking armor back.

You kept an eye out for anything that you could use as a weapon and caught a glimpse of something shiny. 

_Please be the armor. Please be the armor. Plea-_

No such luck. What you stumbled upon was something strange altogether. A crystal? It was a slightly translucent shade of amber. It almost reminded you of Din; sturdy, firm and beautiful. If you hadn't been on such an important mission, you'd stop to look for more. You shrugged and shoved the item in your boot, continuing through the tunnel. Along the way, you noticed more of the crystals. You could grab them on the way back, though. You needed to keep going forward to find the armor. You'd move quickly to find it and then grab some crystals and go back to the ship. Easy.

That is, until the cave broke off into a fork. 

Left? Right? Which way should you go? Left was slightly more illuminated. A soft glow of pink was exposed at the entrance and the other direction was...dark. The path to the right looked like you'd get eaten by it in a fraction of a heartbeat. _No thanks._ Settling on the brighter path, your boots made a loud squelching noise and you grimaced.

You hadn't noticed it before but that pretty path to the left also appeared to be slightly flooded. Strange. You hadn't experienced any rain while you had been here, but the ground was drenched. What's more? It was sticky. A trail of basically slime extending from the bottom of your shoe as you lifted your foot.

"Gross. So fucking gross."

Your voice echoed in the cave and you shivered. Something in your gut told you to turn around. To take the creepier path or run back. You didn't listen, though, and you continued forward in the weird mud. 

Winding turns. Another fork. Another decision to go towards the pink light. More turns. _Had you turned left back there? Right? Fuck._ Where even were you now? Maker, you were lost. You'd made it through three more forks before that feeling in your stomach was united with a horrid smell. 

"Oh my fucking-what is that?" 

It assaulted your nostrils. It smelled like acid mixed with...shit? It was a sour kind of smell and you felt your breakfast coming up. You needed to get out of here. Better to tell Din that you lost his armor than-

No. You couldn't. You had to see this through. He was always taking care of you. He kept you fed, comfortable and happy. Plus, things had been great between you two lately. The least you could do was deal with the putrid odor of this cave to get his old armor back. Right? 

Why had Maker made you so damn stubborn?

You trudged forward some more, only to yelp when your foot sank deep into a pile of that slimy mud. You yanked at your leg, only to be mortified to find that you were sinking more. Quicksand? Quickmud? Quick...slime? What the hell was this crap?

There was no way you were getting your boot out of there and you whined as you came to a realization. "First I lose Din's armor. Now my shoe. What next? My pride? Oh wait. That's already fucking gone at this point! Could this day get any fucking worse?"

It could. 

No sooner had you asked the cave the question when you heard a shrieking cry, followed by a loud roar. You stilled, wide eyes and your heart rate sped up. The cry had sounded like one of those creatures that the baby had been playing with. That begged the question…

_What made the roar?_

You didn't want to stick around to find out. Nope. You were getting the fuck out of here. Reaching down to untie your boot, you frantically ripped at the laces. You were almost done when you heard what sounded like thirty sets of footsteps running towards you from the noise. You were going to die. One foot stuck in the slimy mud, smelling like the child's puked up lunch, and you were going to die in this cave. 

You let out a shout of joy as your foot escaped the confines of the lost boot but had little time to celebrate when all of a sudden there were about twenty to thirty of the little creatures bolting passed you. You got knocked down to the ground, whole outfit now covered in the goo, but thankfully didn't sink in. Your eyes were wide with terror as you got trampled by more of the frantic animals.

Was that crunch one of your ribs?

Everything hurt. Your hands were stuck to the ground and, when the last of the animals had run by, you pushed yourself up. Thankfully, your torso wasn't in enough pain for anything to be broken. _Disgusting._ Your entire body was covered in the slime and you wanted to vomit even more now. Also, it appeared that the goop didn't allow you to go far. When you tried to stumble forward, you were abruptly pulled back by the strings that connected to your clothes. How the hell were you supposed to get out of here like this? 

_Oh. Right._ You probably weren't. 

Something lived in this cave. Something that terrified the shit out of those little creatures and you didn't want to stick around to find out what it was. Heaving a sigh, you yanked at your top, tossing the ruined material to the ground. Then your pants. Thank Maker that you had worn pants today, otherwise your knees would be covered in this crap. 

Left in nothing but a bra and panties, plus your one remaining shoe, you stumbled forward and started running in the same direction as the stampede. You hadn't made it very far when you heard another loud roar. Louder this time than before.

_Also, was the ground moving?_

You turned to watch in horror as the boot that had gotten stuck was sucked down with a loud slurp. Then your shirt. Then your pants. Then, suddenly, more holes began appearing in the area where you had just run from. It was as if the cave was alive and attempting to eat whatever it could attach that horrid slime to. You were frozen. It was the worst possible time to freeze and, yet, here you were stilled in one spot while you watched the holes gape and then close. 

"Holy fucki-"

Another roar woke you up and you ran. You sprinted. This time, you ran away from the pink light, deeming it the source of the horror that you had just witnessed. You had made it through two forks when all of a sudden a gush of the slime was following you. It was following you with its disgusting rotten smell and it was gaining on you. 

Your legs hurt. Burned even. You were hobbling as fast as you could and soon enough you reached that first fork. _Shit._ You didn't have time to look around for familiar surroundings. You needed to pick a turn quick. _Right? Fuck it._ You darted in that direction and immediately tripped. So much for not getting covered in slime.

"No! Fuck! Fucking dammit no! I'm not fucking dying here!"

You yelled at yourself and moved to get up. That is, until you realized what you had tripped over. _Was that-_

"Holy shit I'm gonna be fucking sick."

And you were. You turned and puked, the wave of slime behind you long forgotten. You had tripped over what appeared to be one of the playful, thieving creatures. Only, it was just part of it. A hind leg, attached by mere strings of flesh and muscle to part of a melted torso. _Was it missing its head?_ You didn't want to find out. 

The roar was right behind you this time and you shrieked. Whipping to look at the sound, your eyes were as wide as saucers as you took in its appearance. Was the cave alive? Maybe. That roar though...not the cave.

No. That roar belonged to whatever the hell you were staring at. 

It had beady little eyes. Beady little white eyes that were drowning in matted fur. Well, you thought it was fur. To be honest you didn't know how to describe it. Just its face took up the entire mouth of that smaller cave and you whimpered at the sight. Another roar and you got to see the inside of its mouth. Oh no. Another wave of slime poured out and you watched in terror as it sucked in what was left of the animal on the ground. Then, it stared at you again. 

You were next. 

You turned to run again and stumble. This other shoe had to go. You couldn't do it anymore. You yanked your foot out and threw the drenched boot at the weird monster. The crystal that you had previously grabbed flew out, smacking the creature in between the eyes and it shriveled backward. 

_Wait._

You blinked a couple times. Was that what the crystals had been there for? Were they there to stop whatever this foul thing was? You didn't want to do the math on how a thing as terrifying as that was scared of a fucking crystal, but you immediately scanned the ground for more.

_There!_

You found a big one and hurled it forward. You missed the shot completely. The creature surged forward toward you and you screeched, running off again. You continued like this for a little longer. You'd find a crystal, chuck it, miss, and then continue getting chased. Finally, you made it close to the entrance of the cave where there were tons of those little shiny saviors. 

You kept sprinting until finally you could see the light from outside the cave. Picking up another crystal, you turned again and stilled. The creature was staring at you but it...had stopped?

It made an awful groaning sound and then appeared to retreat. _What the-_

You didn't have time to think about it before you were grabbed by the waist and you flailed your arms to smack the crystal directly at...beskar?

"What in the fucking-"

"What are you doing out here?" Din's voice was strained and you could feel the tension radiating off of his broad shoulders as he held you still. "Where are your clothes?"

You flushed in embarrassment and stared at him with wide eyes. You didn't answer his question, opting instead to drop the crystal and run your shaking hands across his chest. Then his arms. Then, finally, his helmet. 

_Stars, he was beautiful._

"Mesh'la." The word was whispered from your lips and you wrapped your arms around his neck. 

His hands were still gripping your waist and he stood there in confusion. He was probably still trying to figure out why the hell you were running almost naked through a cave, covered in weird mud and tossing crystals around. For the second time in front of him, you probably looked like a fucking psychopath. 

You didn't care this time.

You lifted your head and jumped on him, bare legs wrapping around the cold metal of his armor and he grunted in surprise. Even more surprising, you started smothering his visor with kisses. Forehead first, then each cheek, and finally where you were certain his mouth would be. He was like a dream. A mirage, you would've thought, if you hadn't felt the pleasant cold of his form against you.

He adjusted his hold to press a gloved hand under your partially bare bottom. A noise left your lips at the feel of leather and you felt your nipples harden. _Oh, right._ You were only in your underwear. Maker, he could take you right here, right now. In this cave. This fucking cave. You'd give it to him, even in this hellhole.

You didn't get to, though.

He cleared his throat, "Why do you smell like rotting flesh?"

_Of course he had to ruin the moment._

You groaned in frustration and wrestled out of his grasp, giving him an annoyed glance, "Really? Rotting flesh, Din?"

He gave you a slow nod and it made you still. _Shit. He was totally right._ That's what that smell in the cave had been. _Oh no._ You were going to be sick again. 

He must have sensed your discomfort and he picked you back up, ignoring your protests. Leather-clad hands rested beneath your shoulders and your knees as he marched you out of the cave. You didn't make it far before you stopped him.

"Wait! Din, I need to go back!"

His head snapped down at you, "What?"

You fidgeted enough for him to set you gently back down and you immediately sprinted back to the mouth of the cave. He called after you and you ignored him, also ignoring the aching of your feet as you ran across stones. You skidded to a halt in front of the gaping hole and let out a yell of triumph. Clearly, Maker above was looking down on you because there, less than a few meters in front of you, laid a slightly rusted piece of metal. It happened to be right beside a large piece of crystal, so you swooped that up first.

"Y/N! What are you-"

You grabbed the armor and held it in a hand above your head, turning and smiling brightly at him. He was still, not saying a single word as he stared at you and you felt embarrassed. Your hands slowly dropped and you shyly held the armor and crystal in your hands. 

"S-Sorry. I got really excited."

"Is that my old armor?"

You couldn't tell if he was mad. In fact, you could detect any emotion in his tone. You hated it. 

Slowly nodding and dropping both hands to your sides, one holding the heavy metal and the other the translucent rock, you took a measured step towards him. Then, as per usual, you started rambling. It was a nervous tick, you decided. When he was still and you didn't know what to say, you ended up saying just about anything. It was a talent, really. The way you almost vomited sentences at him. 

"I'm so sorry! The baby was playing with those little creatures and I had to chase one from inside. Next thing I know, I'm tripping and making a mess out of all your stuff. This fell out and I was gonna clean up but the dumb animal stole this and ran off. So, I put the baby to bed and locked everything. I didn't wanna be gone long but I didn't know if this was important so I chased after it. Stupid fucker ran so damn fast and so I went into this satan cave. Then, the cave started eating things and there was this big monster and it smelled like ass in there! Well, rotting flesh I guess. I got stuck in all this slimy goo, had to get basically naked and then ran out of there. I almost forgot about this but then I remembered when you picked me up! I just-I didn't know if it was important to you and I didn't wanna lose it if it was. So...Din?"

He still hadn't moved. Hadn't said anything. Usually he'd interrupt you by now but he was so still it terrified you. He had to be pissed. 

"Let's go."

_Oh yeah, he was furious._


	8. Ain't Real Enough.

**Ain't Real Enough.**

* * *

He didn't wait for you. He started back to the Crest and you stared at this ground in dismay. You shuffled after him, not saying another word, and the both of you continued toward the ship. Maybe he was mad that you'd left the baby on the ship alone? _Yeah, that had to be it._

You got back and were pleased to find the baby still sleeping soundly in his bed. Din had immediately gone into the cockpit, not saying a word, and left you to your own devices. You set the old armor down, put the crystal on a random shelf and walked over to your bag. Ignoring the pang in your chest and the slight pain in your side, you huffed a breath and grabbed some clean clothes before heading into the refresher.

Turning on the water, you sighed in bliss as the warmth hit you. You scrubbed vigorously at your sticky skin, washing every crevice of your body twice. Then, the third time, you gently rubbed the soap over your raw skin. You were probably bright red all over but you didn't care. You just wanted to be clean of the stench of death that shrouded you. 

Standing under the water, you got lost in your own thoughts. Were you confused about Din's attitude? _Sure._ Were you still turned on by the way leather had gripped you and cold steel had pressed against your chest? _Yes._

You wanted to fuck him right there, outside that evil cave.

But of course, he'd ruined the moment. You understood. You really did. You were covered in disgusting slime and smelled like a damn trash compactor. You wouldn't have fucked you either. 

Maker did you want his hands on you again, though. You rubbed a soapy hand across your chest, imagining that you were pressed against him again. Picturing yourself wrapped around him made your nipples ache. It made something else ache too.

He was in the cockpit, right? He wouldn't notice if you were in here too long…

_Fuck it._

You ran a hand down your torso and pressed your fingers against your aching core. You pretended they were his. Biting your lip, you sighed as you touched yourself. You slid a finger between the folds, whining at the intrusion as you quickly added another. Only, in your mind it was thick, gloved fingers that were inside of you. That'd be hot, wouldn't it? If he left his gloves on and finger-fucked you. You shuddered under the water and let out a throaty moan. 

_More. You needed more._

Next, you pictured his head between your legs. You obviously hadn't seen his face but you could picture a thick head of brown waves between your thighs. Feel the brush of his mustache along your clit as he ate you out. Another moan. It wasn't real but you were so fucking close. You rolled your clit between your thumb and index finger roughly, imagining him tugging at the sensitive bud between his teeth and pulling you over the edge.

You slapped a hand on the wall as you cried out, legs shaking and pussy throbbing. Leaning your head against the metal, you breathed in deeply and then turned off the water. It was lukewarm now, anyway. You quickly dried yourself off, leaving your hair down to air dry this time, and put on your clothes. The bra you'd been wearing earlier had been your only one and, since it was covered in goop, you pulled a tight long sleeve on and shrugged. Your nipples were very clearly visible, but who cared? He had left you in favor of his pilot's chair anyway.

* * *

Little did you know, Din had heard your little outburst. He had left the cockpit after swimming in his thoughts for a while and, imagine his surprise, when he went to grab the child and heard you moaning in the process. 

Fuck. He was so turned on.

You were touching yourself. On his ship. In his shower. 

Were you thinking about him? Imagining him? 

He groaned and the child stared up at him, gurgling in confusion. "Sorry, kid. You probably want out of there now, don't you?"

Of course, you chose that second to emerge from your shower. You froze as soon as you saw him, eyesight making contact with the familiar sheen of beskar. He had been about to grab the baby and was staring directly at you.

"Sorry. I was probably in there a while but, um, I had to really scrub that slime off me. Hopefully you don't need to shower." 

_Kind of true? He'd believe that, right?_

Nope. Not a chance.

The way he saw it, he had two options. 

One. Pretend he believed you and that he hadn't heard you moaning as you masturbated. Grab the baby and go back into the cockpit. Charter the course to Tatooine liked he'd originally planned and never speak of what he'd heard.

Two. Close the baby's pram. Stalk towards you like a predator and take you like he so desperately wanted to. Rip those clothes off you and push you into the cockpit so he could watch you come undone while he sat in his chair.

You couldn't tell what he was thinking about. Never could. All you knew was that he could definitely see your hardened nipples through the thin material of this shirt. Hell, he could probably see how wet you were through these shorts too. You instinctively crossed your arms beneath your chest. He still hadn't said a word to you, though, so you cleared your throat and gave him a smile. 

"He's probably hungry. He passed out right after playing earlier so he hasn't eate-"

No sooner had you started your sentence, was he closing the crib again and taking long strides towards you. You stared at him in surprise and, before you could say anything, he grabbed your waist. He tossed you over his shoulder and walked towards the cockpit. 

"Din? What are you-"

"Quiet."

His voice was firm as he set you down and locked the door. Then, he walked over to his chair, grabbing your hand along the way to pull you with him. He took a seat and you stood there in front of him, biting your lip. You pressed your thighs together, a feeble attempt at disguising your need. You got turned on way too easily when he was demanding.

The silence lasted too long for your comfort and you started. "Are you going to tell me-"

He didn't let you get far. "You left the ship to chase after one of those stupid dogs? All because he stole a piece of my old armor."

Now that he said it out loud you realized how dumb you were. Nevertheless, you nodded. He didn't let you speak.

"Then, you run into a cave. Get chased by a monster, that's been eating said stupid dogs, lose your clothes and run out half naked?"

You nodded again. Was he scolding you?

"All this because you didn't want to lose _my armor?_ Armor I haven't worn in a long time."

You wrung your hands nervously as he let go and nodded for the third time, "Y-Yeah. I'm sorry. It was dumb. I just didn't want to lose a piece of you. Even if you haven't worn it in a while. It's still...you."

That had sounded better in your head. Now that you said it out loud it sounded really stupid. It must have had some sort of effect on him, though, because he let out a groan. 

"Take those clothes off, Cyar'ika."

You blinked, "Wait. What? You're not mad?"

His hands reached for his belt buckle and you shivered as he shook his head. "I'm mad that you'd put yourself in danger. You doing all that for, what did you call it? A piece of me? Fuck, Cyar'ika, that's incredible. _You're_ incredible. Also, don't think for a second I didn't hear you in there. You get off on being in danger like that?"

You whined and shook your head, "No. I wasn't thinking about that…"

"What were you thinking about then?"

_Did he really want to know?_ You couldn't lie to him. He always knew when you did.

You took a deep breath and stepped closer. "I was thinking about you. I wanted you as soon as you got there. Would've let you take me back into that disgusting cave just to feel you, too."

He growled and, in a split second, your shirt was pulled over your head and tossed carelessly behind him. You gasped at the wave of cold that overtook you but it didn't last long. Soon enough, he was grabbing your waist and pulling you towards him. A light smack hit your bottom and you whined.

"You're gorgeous. You know that?"

You stared at him in disbelief, "How could you possibly still think I'm pretty after coming out of that cave all covered in weird melted animal carcass...slime?"

His chest rose a bit and you knew he laughed. Gloved fingers trailed down your sides and he slowly pulled down your shorts and panties until you were bare in front of him. "Cyar'ika, you stormed into a mystery cave just to bring back something of mine. You risked your life to retrieve my armor."

"I mean-"

"Don't _ever_ do it again." Another light smack, this time on your bare ass, and you squirmed. "I can't stress that enough. Not again. But…"

He trailed off and ran his fingers towards your center. You wanted it so bad but you wanted to know what he was thinking more. He'd never been quite this talkative and you were damned if you weren't going to take full advantage. You stopped his hand when it hit your inner thigh.

"But what?"

His visor stared directly at you, "Thank you. Thank you for bringing it back. It's not important enough to me for you to risk your life but thank you. That armor is an extension of my creed. My way of life. This beskar is my armor now but you still went out of your way to protect the old one. To protect... _me._ "

Your heart clenched. Maker, this was really important to him. Not the armor itself, but the gesture. You could feel it. It wasn't just the words he spoke but the way he spoke them. You had spent so much time separating him from the armor and, now that you had accepted the man in the armor as much as him without, he could feel the change. It made your eyes water. You wanted every part of him. He knew that. He wanted to give it to you, too. That armor was an extension of him and you had chased after it as if it were him that was dragged into the cave.

You'd do anything for him. 

"You don't have to thank me, Din."

"I do."

You rolled your eyes and smiled, "Fine. You _really_ want to thank me?"

He gave a quick nod, probably knowing exactly what you wanted. After all, it wasn't hard to tell. His hands were dangerously close to your throbbing pussy and your entire body was covered in goosebumps. You moved the gloved hand that had been at his crotch and you pulled his belt off. He let out a small groan and you slowly pulled his pants down, only as far as was necessary to free his hard cock. 

"Show me. You want to thank me, fine. Then show me how much it meant to you, Din. Make me feel like I made the right choi-"

The words died on your lips as he pulled you forward, straddling you atop of him and hovering you centimeters from what you wanted. You moaned loudly as he plunged a gloved finger into your dripping core. In. Out. He was ruthless in his mission. You loved it. It was even better than you had imagined. The rough leather felt so good inside you and you rolled your hips as he fingered you. 

"Mesh'la."

The sound of his voice hit you deep in your core. You'd never get tired of him calling you that. If he ever stopped, you were going to wage fucking war. You bucked your hips against his hand before deciding it wasn't enough. 

"Din. I need you inside me. Please."

"Then sit."

You groaned at his demand and gave a quick nod. He all but yanked his fingers from inside you and pulled you forward more onto his lap. Right above his hard member. He made a noise, like he was about to say something else, and you ignored him, sinking down onto him in one swift movement.

He groaned as you set a brutal pace, bouncing up and down. "You're going to make me cum in a second moving like that."

You bit your lip and looked down at him, only to notice him at eye level with your chest. Or at least, what you assumed to be eye level. You rolled your hips and felt him hit you deeper. 

"We should have done it like this last time." 

You hummed in agreement. You hadn't been moving for long but you were certain that riding him like this was somehow even better than him bending you over. How? You weren't sure. Didn't care. Either way, you'd gladly ride him every night. He could sit there motionless and you'd still cum like this.

His hips jerked upward to meet your thrusts and you almost screamed, stars forming in your vision. Maybe that's what everyone meant when they talked to the stars. It wasn't the ones in the sky. It was the ones you saw in moments of pure bliss. Pure pleasure. 

The stars you saw when a Mandalorian found his way deep inside you.

You wouldn't say it out loud, but this? _This was the way._

You felt damp leather wrap tightly around your waist and you gasped. His gloves weren't warm in the slightest, moistened by your fluids, and you felt his hand trail upward until his thumb grazed your breast. Your entire body trembled as he caressed your body. You moved your hips in a rolling motion and felt him rub against your walls in the most delicious way.

"Cyar'ika, I'm going to-"

You felt him twitch inside of you and you whined, "Me too. Din, me too. So fucking good."

He stood you up suddenly and you cried out. You wanted to complain about the abrupt change until he pressed your back against the cold steel of the door. Now, he was holding you up by your waist as he pounded into you. You wrapped your legs tighter around him. Your eyes were wide and you leaned your head against the metal. He continued to snap his hips against yours and you grabbed onto his shoulders for support. Your toes curled behind his back and you let out more high-pitched noises.

You were so fucking close. He knew it.

He pulled one hand from your waist, cupping the flesh of your bottom to keep you up. Then, the other hand moved between you. He pressed his thumb against your clit in small circles. He wanted to push you over the edge again.

"Cum for me, Cyar'ika. Then, let me fill you."

That pushed you over. It was so fucking hot when he talked like that. You were convinced he could make you finish just by speaking, though you much preferred the feel of him inside you. Your grip on his shoulders tightened and your thighs squeezed around him as you came in a loud cry.

He gripped your waist tighter, groaning as you tightened around him. He watched your face contort in pleasure as you rode your wave and he smiled beneath the helmet. You were a vision. Face flushed, hair wild, skin hot. 

You were a fucking goddess. 

He wasn't going to last long. Didn't want to, if he were honest. The sight of you basking in your orgasm was enough to send him over the edge and, if that wasn't enough, the way your pussy was spasming around him was definitely going to push him all the way. He furiously pumped into you until finally he couldn't take it. You were probably so sensitive by now. Burying himself to the hilt, he pressed the top of his helmet to your forehead and grunted as he spilled inside you. 

You stayed like that for a while, him still inside you, and you hummed in satisfaction. You didn't want to move. You wanted to stay this way forever. You wanted to stay wrapped in his arms, cock stuffed in your satisfied pussy, and breathing in his scent. He was all around you. Inside of you. 

You, unfortunately, didn't stay that way for long. He pulled out gently, ignoring your whimper of protest as he set you down and tucked himself back into his pants. You rubbed your thighs together, an attempt at stopping the fluids from leaking out of you. Just because you were a mess, didn't mean the cockpit needed to be too. You bit your lip, staring up at him from beneath long lashes.

"Can we do that again?"

He shook his head, this time in amusement. "We can't stay in here forever, Cyar'ika."

"Why not?"

It was a mumbled whisper against him as he held your waist, keeping you on your feet. He leaned down to press his helmet against your forehead and sighed, "You know why. I made a selfish decision but the kid-"

As if on queue, you could hear the little one start wailing. You were terrible makeshift parents, sneaking off to fuck in a separate room. The thought made you laugh breathlessly as you nodded, moving away and pulling your clothes back on. If your shorts weren't already soaked, they definitely were now.

You took a step back to him, leaning on your tippy toes to give the helmet a quick kiss. "Fair enough. I'll go."

He gave a quick nod and brushed his gloved knuckles across your bottom lip. A simple gesture, really, but the impact was powerful. Every little thing he did made you adore him more now. He was perfect.

He was safety. He was the warmth and the cold that you needed to survive. He was home. Yaim. He was it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof we love a good dominant Din. Hopefully you guys liked this little break from the angst! I'm not gonna say it's gone forever buuut for now we're in a good place. I'll see you guys again next week for chapter 9! Holy shit. CHAPTER 9. I'm really pumping this story out, huh?
> 
> We're gonna take a trip back to Tatooine next week! Maaaaaaybe we'll get some of MC's first meeting with our lovely Mando 0.0


	9. Started Bringing Up The Past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the lack of Tuesday's update! The idea for this chapter came to me a little late and I was really uninspired. Posting a shitty chapter just to put a post out on time didn't sit right with me, so I skipped it. Now I'm back and the rest of the chapters will be on track because, aside from slight tweaks and proofreading, they're all finished! Woohooooooo! 
> 
> Anyway, here's chapter 9! Enjoy, my loves~

**Started Bringing Up The Past.**

* * *

Tatooine.

Good ol' hot ass Tatooine.

You heaved a sigh as you stepped off the Razor Crest, the desert air hitting you smack in the face. Also, smack in the nostalgia. You hadn't missed the place in the slightest, though it did hold some special memories. 

After all, it'd been where you'd met Din.

* * *

_"You with him?"_

_Your plump lips hovered over the rim of your glass as you sat at the bar, a blaster held firmly at your temple. The voice was modulated, almost droid-like in cadence, and you turned slowly. He stopped you before you moved too much._

_"Don't move. Answer the question."_

_You rolled your eyes, "You know I'm all for a demanding man, but you're kind of taking the fun out of it."_

_The familiar bartender stared at you in shock, slowly shaking his head in an attempt to get you to stop. He clearly knew something you didn't. You were a regular at this hole in the wall, a familiar face to the barkeep, so he had to be wordlessly telling you to shut up for a reason._

_"I won't ask again."_

_The blaster was cold against your skin and you sighed, setting down the cup and ignoring his earlier threat. "Okay, okay. I'm not with him. I just met him. Can I enjoy my drink now, please?"_

_"Y/N For the love of Maker, shut up."_

_Your gaze flickered at your seated neighbor as he whispered. You were slightly too tipsy to remember his name. Rodrigo? Ringo? Rubio?_

_Maybe you shouldn't have ordered that last drink._

_"You should listen."_

_The blaster had been removed and you immediately snapped your head to the unknown man, stilling slightly when you found him to be clad in armor. Shiny beskar that gleamed in the light. Fancy. Also, very expensive._

_"You asked me a question. I was supposed to stay quiet? How does that make sense?"_

_The patrons around you went silent, glasses all set down at your snarky response. They knew better than to piss off a Mandalorian. So did you. You'd heard the rumors. Mandalorians were a few, but they were still held in high regard for their capabilities. Too bad slightly drunk you wasn't exactly good at decision making._

_His helmet was turned toward you, a gloved hand still resting firmly on the back of the bounty's neck. Thankfully, a quiet gurgle stopped you from saying anything else stupid. You blinked in confusion, gazing down to find a large pair of brown eyes looking up at you._

_You let out a squeal, reaching down to grab the toddler. "Oh my stars, you are the cutest little thing! Come here you little-"_

_The other gloved hand was wrapped around your wrist as you reached down. "Don't touch him."_

_Your nipples hardened at the tone of his voice. Maker, you couldn't see him but he was certainly just your type. Slightly demanding. A firm hand. Strong._

_You were notorious at picking terrible men._

_"Can I touch you instead?"_

_The armor-clad man stilled, clearly caught off guard by your abrupt flirtation. Everyone else was, too. Someone laughed further back in the bar and you raised your brow at the Mandalorian. It was a silent question now, heavy with sexual innuendo._

_He let go of your wrist and the baby's crib closed. "You're drunk. You should go home."_

_He pulled the unconscious man off the bar beside you, tossing him over a steel shoulder and walking out. You pouted as he left. You'd come to the bar for a purpose and no one had fulfilled your objective. In fact, he was the first man to pique your curiosity all night. The man he was dragging away had tried to make a pass at you, but he'd been way too creepy and gross._

_Apparently, it was going to be another long, boring night._

_Only, it wasn't._

_Not even a few hours later, you were helping the barkeep wipe down the bar. You'd opted to help after challenging one of his employees to a drinking contest. Well, not actually challenging. More like volunteering him for it. Someone had asked you to join and you were far too drunk already to participate, so you asked one of the workers._

_Now, he was passed out on a table and you were cleaning sticky spotchka residue. You were bent over the counter, skirt no doubt riding far too high above your bottom, and you leaned forward a bit more to grab another towel. The bell above the door rang and you didn't bother looking up._

_"Place is closed. I don't know if the old man put the sign up but they're done for the night."_

_A familiar modulated voice rang through the room. "I'm not here for a drink."_

_You hit your head on a shelf in surprise, yelping and pushing yourself back off the counter. You rubbed the sore spot on your temple and turned around to face the man. You bit your lip, tossing the towel on the bar and crossing your legs._

_"Oh? Kitchen's closed but I might be able to think of something you can eat if-"_

_"I'm not here for that, either."_

_You heaved a sigh at the dismissal, "Lame. I was really hoping you'd bend me over this counter and have your way with me."_

_Silence. You couldn't tell if he was uncomfortable or if he was contemplating your offer. Probably the former. After all, here he was asking for a favor and you were laying on some serious sexual intent. You'd be embarrassed if you weren't so damn horny and tipsy._

_You really needed to stop drinking._

_"I need help."_

_You folded your arms under your bust, cleavage exposed as you stared him down. "Oh? Well, if it's not the inappropriate kind then I'm not really sure what I can do."_

_The child chose that second to wail. Loudly. The previously incapacitated bartender screeched and fell off the table with a thud. You snickered at the sight until the baby cried again. Then, your instincts took over and you wiped damp hands on your suede skirt, walking over to him quickly._

_"What's the matter, sweet boy?" You reached down and then stilled, peeking up at the Mandalorian again. "Can I touch him? Or is that still forbidden?"_

_The baby kept screeching, the noise hurting your ears, and the man flinched before nodding. "If you think you can make him stop. I tried having a...friend help. She couldn't do anything."_

_Ah, that was it._

_"My advice? Sleep with a more useful woman."_

_"Not that kind of friend."_

_Something told you he wasn't lying. Intuition, you supposed. He didn't seem like the kind of man that needed to lie. So, you took it at face value._

_Large, watery eyes were staring up at you, the noise of the toddler stopping as soon as your hands made contact with him. His robe was soft and he had the cutest, big ears. A wrinkly forehead, covered in sparse white hairs._

_"He is so cute."_

_He still made a fuss, hands reaching up in the air and wiggling. You tilted your head in confusion, only to wince when your hair was being pulled. Only thing troubling you? He wasn't actually touching your hair. No one was. You winced again when your hair clip was tugged by an invisible force._

_"Ouch. What the-"_

_The Mandalorian immediately grabbed the baby out of your hands, placing a gloved hand over your barrette. "You can't have that. No."_

_The screeching started up again and you grimaced. "He really likes shiny things, doesn't he? Guess that's why he likes you."_

_You snorted at your own joke and you heard a modulated sigh beside you. A tired sigh. The way this baby was crying made you think that maybe the man hadn't gotten any sleep lately._

_"I shouldn't have brought him here."_

_You pulled his hand off your head and unclasped the clip, pulling it from your long strands and offering it to the fussy toddler. He immediately gurgled happily and you smiled. You put the heirloom in one of his little hands, opting to shove your index finger in his other palm. He clutched both tightly and beamed up at you with a little, toothy smile._

_"Is that better? You just wanted to play with the clip, huh?"_

_"He's not going to give it back."_

_You shrugged, a feeble attempt at pretending you didn't care. "So, where'd you get him. He's clearly not yours. Besides, I don't know how you'd even fit ears like that in your helmet if he was."_

_"I...found him."_

_"That's vague. Whatever, keep your secrets. Is he hungry? I might have some jerky around here."_

_"I thought you didn't work here."_

_You shrugged again, separating yourself from the troublesome duo and hopping over the counter. You probably gave the Mandalorian a really nice view of your panties, but you were shamelessly uncaring. Shuffling behind the bar, you gave a yell of triumph when you found the bag of cured meat. You tossed it to the Mandalorian and slid back over the bar top._

_He gave a nod of thanks and opened the package, giving the child a piece. It took the toddler no time at all to begin happily munching and you smiled at the sight. You turned to make conversation, only to find the helmet already staring at you._

_"He likes you."_

_As if confirming the statement, the baby finished the small piece of meat and made grabby hands at you. "Who doesn't? Well, besides his stud of a babysitter."_

_"Do you hit on everyone?"_

_You tilted your head, "Everyone? Hell no. If I hit on everyone, I'd have a clan of Jawa and Tusken spawn. No thanks. I only hit on men I find attractive. I'm fond of quality over quantity."_

_"You don't even know what I look like."_

_"Oh, I don't need to know what you look like to know you're attractive, Mister 'I can bring you in hot or I can bring you in cold'. Besides, do you not enjoy being hit on?"_

_"It's fine."_

_You gave him a look of confusion and laughed, shaking your head as you soothingly rubbed the child's ear. He cooed softly, eyes fluttering as he bordered the edge of sleep._

_"He's tired. So are you."_

_"I never-"_

_"Didn't have to. Want someone to watch him?"_

_"No."_

_His tone was sharp and it didn't go unnoticed. "Fine. It was just an offer. He can't keep that clip, though."_

_"You won't be able to take it from him."_

_You leaned on the bar beside the Mandalorian, hopping back onto the bar and resting an arm far too comfortably on the man's shoulder. He stiffened and you leaned your face beside his._

_"You're so uncomfortable. Are you a virgin? Is that why you turned me down?"_ _He stayed silent and you didn't know whether or not to take that as an affirmative._ _Why haven't you left yet? I'm starting to think you like my company."_

_More silence. Then, a heavy sigh. A tired sigh._

_"Maybe I'll take you up on that offer."_

_"To let you bend me over this bar? Yes please. I could leave the skirt on, slip the panties off and no one walking by would even-"_

_"I wasn't talking about that."_

_"Lame. I knew that already, though. You're way too tired anyway. You'd probably fall asleep halfway through."_

_"You're annoying and drunk."_

_"And you're very tired. Also, I'm not drunk anymore. I'll be fine to watch him. Let's go."_

_His voice was surprised. "What?"_

_You gave him a look and shrugged your shoulders as you hopped off the counter again. You'd long been done cleaning, only staying for the Mandalorian now._

_"I assume you're not staying anywhere in town. That means that you have a ship somewhere. You have nothing to lose because this is me offering to watch the baby on your ship. On your turf. Unfamiliar surroundings to me. I'm at the disadvantage, not you. That work for you, tin can?"_

_He didn't respond at first, watching as you downed a glass of water and swayed your hips as you walked to the door. Then, finally, he spoke. You'd expected him to turn you down again and go off on his own, half awake and taking care of a fussy kid. Instead, he surprised you._

_"Okay."_

* * *

The memory was both sweet and hilarious. Still, your disdain for the climate of Tatooine hadn't changed since you'd been here last. You silently gave thanks to your own mind, for remembering to put your hair into a bun, and you followed Din down the ramp. It only took a few moments before you heard a familiar woman's voice. 

"Come on! You know he doesn't like droids!"

You snickered at her demanding tone, "She knows you too well."

Din shook his head slightly, informing the woman she could let them at it. She made another remark and you laughed again, walking past the Mandalorian to greet her. The baby was in your arms and she lit up the second she saw him.

"Oh, thank the Force! This little thing has had me worried sick!" You handed him off to her. "Come here, you little womp rat!"

"I think he remembers you, Peli."

She beamed at you, eyes crinkling up at the corners. "How much do you want for him? Just kidding...not really."

You rolled your eyes, "If he ever reproduces maybe we'll sell you an offspring."

A commotion came from behind you and you turned to see a droid flying around at the end of one of the Razor Crest's tubes. It would have been a pretty funny sight if Peli hadn't been yelling in the background at the poor thing. You vaguely paid attention as the other two adults conversed, talking about a Mandalorian and Mos Pelgo. The name of the town made you involuntarily shiver.

"I don't see anything."

"Well it's there! Or at least, it used to be. Not much to speak of. It's an old mining settlement."

You looked up at the ship, heaving a sigh and turning back to them. "They're gonna see the ship way before we land."

The other woman nodded and held a finger in your direction, "Not sure what you needed my information for. This one should know her way around this wasteland, too. You know you got her from around here...right?"

"I've never been to Mos Pelgo. I was always told not to. You _know_ it's a bad place when even the people around here don't want to go."

Peli pressed her lips together and nodded in agreement. It made no difference what the two of you said, though. Din was determined. He needed to find more Mandalorians.

You? You were nervous.

"You still have that speeder bike?"

* * *

That was how you'd ended up pressed firmly against the back of a Mandalorian, an uncomfortable warmth between your thighs. Then, how you'd ended up sat around a campfire with the Tuskens. Maker, they still gave you the creeps. At least the child was having a good time. He'd clearly taken a liking to the wind whipping his ears about while he rode on the back of that bike. You leaned against Din's back as you slowed on your entry into town.

The place was desolate, only a few people staring as you cruised in. It was uncomfortable. Then again, people always stared when you went places with the Mandalorian. He didn't exactly fit in with the crowd.

"Stay here."

You were pulled from your thoughts by his voice and you grabbed his arm before he could get off. "No way. Wherever you go, I go."

He gave an annoyed sigh and turned toward you, stepping off the bike and offering you his hand for help. "That's my line."

You shook your head, grabbing his hand and hopping off right in front of him. "No, yours is 'Wherever I go, he goes' and then you bring the baby places that you really shouldn't."

"It's the same."

"Not the same. Also, I'm not staying out here with all these people staring. Plus, I think I have sand in just about every crevice on my body now and I'd rather not sit in it some more. So, I'm coming with."

"Every crevice?"

His voice was thick and you blushed at the implication, smirking a bit. "Yep. Maybe later you can help me get some of the sand out."

You didn't let him respond, grabbing the baby and sauntering into the bar that he'd been about to go into. You waltzed right in, smiling brightly at the barkeep. He was clearly caught off guard by your presence.

"Can I help you?"

"We're looking for a Mandalorian."

The bartender shook his head slightly, "Well, we don't get many visitors in these parts. Can you describe him?"

The baby peered up at you as you let out a giggle. "Describe him?"

The man nodded at you seriously and your eyes went wide. Did this man really not know what a Mandalorian was? You knew they were secretive but to meet someone who'd never even heard one described to him was insane.

Din walked up beside you, "Someone who looks like...me."

"You mean the Marshal?"

That piqued your interest, "Your Marshal is a Mandalorian? Like, with the armor?"

"See for yourself."

You and Din both turned toward the tall figure in the doorway. Again, hilarious to you. You let out another giggle at the sight. In that doorway stood a man in a red shirt, tucked into jeans, and some of the most ill-fitting armor you'd ever seen. It was tarnished and littered with blaster marks. The stuff had to be well used, but not by him.

You'd been so zoned out that you hadn't noticed the man step up to the bar and ask for three cups of spotchka. That is, until he sat down at a table. Then, he took off his helmet.

It didn't surprise you in the slightest that he wasn't the real deal.

The helmet was placed on the table and the man marvelled at Din. "I've never met a real Mandalorian. I've heard stories. I know you're good at killin'. And probably none too happy to see me wearin' this hardware. So, I figure only one of us is walkin' outta here. But, then I see the lil' guy and that pretty lady and I think...maybe I pegged you wrong."

He set down three glasses and glanced back your way, raising a brow in a silent offer. Din was tense, so you figured maybe you could help break the ice. Taking a few steps forward, you sat down, crossing your legs in case your skirt rode up too much, and grabbed a glass. You threw the first glass back as the two men went back and forth.

"Take it off. Or I will."

Your gaze flickered to Cobb's face, he'd told you his name while you'd been drinking, and you were surprised to find him smirking at you. "He probably says that to you when you're alone, huh?"

You choked on your last gulp, the alcohol already taking its effect, and you laughed again. "A girl can dream."

The Marshal laughed a bit before turning serious toward the Mandalorian. "We gonna do this in front of the kid and your pretty girlfriend?"

_Girlfriend?_

You didn't get to think about it much before the two men were verbally going at it again. "Guys, can we not-"

You also didn't get far in your sentence when the ground started shaking and sirens were blaring. You lost your balance on the seat and fell backwards, almost hitting the ground, until Cobb grabbed your hand and pulled you back up. You were pressed flush against his armor and he gave you a nod before letting you go to walk outside. 

You watched as Din followed him, but you chose to grab the baby from the floor instead of going after them. There was a commotion coming from outside, and then a loud roaring as the place shook. You recognized the sound and ran out with the child on your hip.

"Was that a Krayt dragon?"

The graying man looked down at you in amazement, "You've seen the bastards before?"

You stepped closer to him, avoiding the bright sun that would have otherwise been in your eyes. "I've never actually _seen_ one. I've heard them, though! I used to live on Tatooine."

"A local gal, huh? Well, I'll be damned. How 'bout you stick around with a different kinda man in armor?"

The statement made your cheeks red and you shook your head, pointing your free thumb in Din's direction. "Sorry, Marshal. This one's a little rough around the edges but I do like him. Plus, he's shinier and I'm a sucker for shiny things."

The handsome man let out a loud laugh, "Fair enough. Anyway, I think we can work somethin' out."

* * *

Oh, they'd worked something out, alright. You were still pissed at Din for scaring you when he'd flown into the dragon's mouth without warning you. Riding back on the speeder, found armor in your hands, you wore a frown as more sand hit you. Sure, the baby liked it, but you could've sworn you'd eaten more sand in the last few days than actual food. You hadn't said more than a words to Din, choosing to wait until you got to the Crest to yell at him. After all, just because you weren't super pissed didn't mean he could go jumping into monster's mouths all the time. He'd scared the living hell out of you. It wasn't safe.

If only you'd gotten that far. Instead, you found yourself catapulted off the back of the speeder, arms ripped from their spot on the Mandalorian's waist. You twirled in the air, only to land face first in the sand. You could feel various bruises forming but your focus was on other things.

_Where was Din? Where was the child?_

You searched the sand desperately, eyes widening as you found the younger one. You scrambled forward, ignoring whatever commotion was happening around you and grabbing the baby. You held him safely in your arms, yelping when an arm was wrapped around your midsection. Suddenly, there was a knife pressed to your side.

_Shit._

Not far ahead of you, Din stood, his arms outstretched. "Wait. Don't hurt them."

The baby gurgled in confusion, held tightly against your still form. Your gaze flickered down to the knife, weighing your options. On one hand, you could try to toss the baby over to Din and risk being stabbed. That didn't seem very safe for either of you. On the other hand, you could wait until the Mandalorian negotiated.

Yeah, when in doubt you should always bet on the Mandalorian.

"If you put one mark on them, there is no place you will be able to hide from me."

Your gaze flickered towards the modulated voice, mouth dry at the sound of his words. Your heart was racing. Maybe it was because of the fear. Maybe it was because that was one of the hottest things you'd ever heard in your life. It reminded you, again, of your first meeting. He could be so demanding and scary but, to you, it was extremely attractive.

_Yeah, that was it._

It was an inappropriate time, at best, to be turned on. Your body clearly didn't care. If the sound of a Mandalorian, one of the most feared hunters in the galaxy, threatening someone for your sake wasn't enough to get you going, nothing was. 

You weren't scared. You were quite simply...aroused.

"We can strike a bargain. There's a lot of value in this wreckage. Take your pick."

His voice shook your attention and you heard the baby whine as the smaller man moved behind you. You hadn't been paying enough attention before to even know who was holding you, but he was short. Very short. Curious, too. You could feel the way he was eyeing the chaotic piles of wreck. He was going to accept Din's offer.

The only question...what would he take?

"But leave her and the child."

You let out a relieved sigh at his addition to the offer. The knife was removed from your abdomen and waved in the Mandalorian's direction. You had no idea what the being was saying, only that he wanted something from Din. That could've been your moment to attack, but instead your armored companion complied.

"Okay." He took off the jetpack and set it before you. "Here. It's yours. Take it."

The knife was pressed against you again as he moved. Probably just in case you or the Mandalorian made any sudden moves. He was a bit smarter than you'd originally given him credit for. Proving that, he motioned the knife at you, spouting out some words you didn't understand.

"Um, I have no idea what you're saying but-"

You were cut off by the sharp dig of the tip of the knife as he pressed it more firmly into you. It hadn't broken the skin, only slightly tearing through your clothes. It was enough to make you go rigid, though.

"He wants you to set the child down. It's okay."

You turned your attention back to Din and nodded. Then, you felt the knife retract slightly as you dropped to your knees to set the toddler down. He scrambled forward as you were quickly released, the smaller man grabbing the jetpack and dropping the knife as he ran. 

Din scooped up the baby and stared down at him. "You okay?"

You heard the baby coo and then the sound of buttons beeping as the jetpack, along with its carrier, was flown high into the air. A body fell from the sky, making a loud thump as it collided with the sand. The jetpack was next, slowly floating down to the ground as well. You let out a shaky breath and fell backwards on your bottom.

Collapsing onto your back, you inspected your torn shirt. "Dammit. I swear every time I put a new shirt on it just gets ruined. I _hate_ this planet."

"Are you okay?"

Your eyes were saved from the brightness of the two suns above as the Mandalorian stood over you. He reached out a gloved hand, indicating for you to take it, but you grabbed the child from his other arm instead. The toddler gave you a confused noise as you set him in the sand beside you, only to watch with big, brown eyes as you finally grabbed his caretaker's hand.

You pulled Din to the ground beside you, ignoring his grunt as you quickly straddled him and placed a kiss onto his helmet. "I'm more than okay. Are you?"

"You had to pull me into the sand? Now it's going to be-"

"In every crevice?" You gave him a playful smirk. "Good. Maybe I can help you get some of it out."

The implication was obvious and Din let out a groan as you shifted on top of him. "We're in the middle of the desert, Cyar'ika. You were mad at me before. You were just held hostage for a jetpack. How are you possibly turned on right now?"

You gave him a laugh and leaned forward, pressing your chest to his as you quoted him. " _If you put one mark on them, there is no place you will be able to hide from me_."

You'd made your voice deeper to imitate him and you rocked your hips gently against him. 

He groaned again in response. "Cyar'ika, we can't. Not here. The child."

The delicious feeling of his hardness straining against leather, pressed against your clothed core, had all but made you forget. As if on queue, the baby stumbled closer and cooed, pressing his little hands onto the beskar chest plate. You let out another giggle and you leaned back, grabbing the toddler and placing him on top of the Mandalorian. 

"Fine, fine. Not here. I won't scar the child with the image of," You covered the baby's large ears, "me being savagely fucked in the sand by his hot Mandalorian dad. Although it is kind of a shame. I think the feeling of you inside me might make me like this place a bit more."

"Please get off me. You're making this-"

"Hard?" Another giggle as you finished his sentence with sexual innuendo.

"You're impossible."

"Takes one to know one, Din."

He didn't respond, helmet laying flat against the sand. He was still hard beneath his trousers, and you made sure to wiggle a bit too much as you got off him. You grabbed the baby and then held out your hand, a silent offer to help him up like he'd offered you before. He took it, though he used most of his own strength to get up, and soon you were standing together. Then, you realized the bike was a wreck. You eyed Din carefully, noting that he was thinking the same exact thing.

"Um, how are we going to get back?"

"We're walking."

"What?!" You screeched and the baby shoved his face into your chest. "You've got to be kidding me? You want to walk?"

Din nodded and grabbed all the scattered items. It wasn't until he'd hung everything over his shoulders that you recovered from the shock. He couldn't be serious. He wanted to walk through the blistering heat of the desert, suns at their peak in the sky? No way.

"No. No way. You're going to overheat in all that armor. You'll pass out halfway! I've defrosted you before but how am I supposed to cool you down if you're dying of heat stroke?"

"I'll be fine. If I die from anything it'll be listening to you complain."

You narrowed your eyes at his back as he started forward. The baby gurgled happily and you glared at him too.

"Oh, shush. Don't agree with him! He wants us to walk in the desert!"

"No. He won't be walking. We will."

The baby cooed and you groaned. He was right. You'd never let that child walk on the scorching sand. So, you found yourself trudging after the shining Mandalorian as the two of you walked back.

It took all of ten minutes for you to complain again. "Can you hold him for a second? I need to fix my shirt."

"Now? You need to fix it right now?"

You grumbled at him, tucking the baby into a little knapsack hanging from Din's neck. "Yes. Right now. It's a million degrees out here."

His response must have been cut short the second that you peeled the long sleeved shirt off your body. It left you clad only in the same skirt as before, and a thin bra. You chucked the ruined shirt a couple meters away and walked past the man.

"Okay, now we can keep going."

"No. Put the shirt back on."

His voice was stern and you whipped around. "No way! It's hotter than hell out here. It's a long sleeved shirt, Din! I'm not wearing that in this scorching heat. I'll melt."

"Put it back on. Please."

Your eyes widened as you stared him down. Then, glancing downward, you smirked when your eyesight made contact with his crotch. 

Outlined in all its glory was his straining erection. Again.

You snorted, whipping around and swaying your hips as you trudged on. "And you said I was horny at the wrong time."

"Your bra is basically see through. That skirt is way too short-"

"Oh? Am I breaking the dress code? Are you going to _punish_ me?"

Another groan sounded behind you and you threw your head back in a laugh. Torturing the Mandalorian was going to be your new favorite pastime. After all, it was a blissful feeling knowing that you held some power over the man. Over a man that exuded confidence.

Too bad you wouldn't get to get your hands on him before you had to leave again.

Too bad you wouldn't be able to feel his warmth any time soon.


	10. Always Wrong.

**Always Wrong.**

* * *

The child hated it when you fought. You could tell by the way his ears drooped low and he made a sad whining noise. Usually, you'd feel bad and immediately stop whatever small quarrel you two had going. Sometimes it was about the safety of a planet. Other times it was how frigid he was keeping the Crest. 

This wasn't one of those times. You wished it had been.

"You ignored what I said. You disregarded my requests to stay on this ship. Why did you think it was a good idea to go into a cave? Did you forget what happened last time?"

Your hands were clenched on your hips, anger radiating off your tense form as you stood toe to toe with the fuming man. "Don't talk to me like I'm a child! She was freezing, Din. What was I supposed to do? Give her a fucking blanket?"

"I'll stop talking to you like a child when you make decisions like an adult."

You flinched at the insult but carried on, "I don't need to give you an explanation. I'll give you basic math instead. How about that? She was _freezing_. Her eggs were _freezing_. Eggs can't be fertilized if they're _frozen_. So, she went into the hot spring. I went with her. It's not like I left her alo-"

"You put the child in danger. Your blatant ignorance could have gotten him killed. I'm not protecting him and keeping him safe just so you can put that in jeopardy whenever I leave. I can't be the only adult with a conscience on this ship."

Your eyes went wide. Is that how he saw you? As a child? Not as an equal? Was this just the anger talking or did he actually feel this way? No. He must have actually felt this way, you thought, because anger almost always brought out the truth.

You took a step back, "Is that what you think? That I'd purposely put him in danger? You think I wanted to get chased by crawlers? That I get my rocks off by running terrified through another cave? Also, this coming from the man that gets willingly swallowed by a Krayt dragon without warning anyone! You could have gotten yourself killed. I'm not the only one that makes reckless decisions. You know what I think-"

"What I think is that you didn't listen. You never listen. You don't care about anyone but yourself so you make selfish deci-"

Smack. 

The frog lady, previously croaking frantically in whatever frog language she was speaking, immediately silenced. The baby was quiet. The Mandalorian had stopped talking. The only noise in the cramped cockpit was the sound of the rocky flight and the loud collision of your palm with his helmet. 

"How dare you. How _fucking_ dare you."

There were tears in your eyes. He was getting far too good at being the cause of your pain. This hurt. More than anything he had ever said or done to you. To insinuate that you didn't care about everyone on this ship was flooring. You had made a mistake, sure. Had that mistake resulted in the four of you running around frantically for a bit, sure. 

But he was the one that had the shady past that made the X-Wings follow the ship in the first place. He was the one that crashed you into this icy hellhole. 

He was the one that had caused the most damage in the end.

He knew it, too. You could tell by the way he was still. 

The frog woman started up again, gently cradling her eggs as she waved her webbed fingers at you. She was probably apologizing, defending your actions. It didn't matter. You waved her off.

"Stop. Whatever you're apologizing for, you don't need to. It's not your fault either. Let's just focus on getting out of here alive. I want to get you and those babies to your husband, okay?"

She made a sad noise and shuffled back to her seat. You opted for silence and you sat back down, grabbing the baby and pulling him into your lap for comfort. You leaned back in your seat, right hand resting comfortably on the tummy of the child, and let out a breath. You didn't have anything left to say. You didn't want to talk to him anymore. Instead, you let your eyes slip shut as you attempted to make yourself comfortable in the chilly cockpit. 

Soon enough, you were fast asleep.

Too bad it wasn't a good sleep.

You hadn't had a nightmare since that one night he had woken you. Things had been perfect since. You'd hoped they were gone forever, but no such luck. They always came back when the, once pleasant, idea of travelling with the Mandalorian became bittersweet again. When he made the doubt creep back in. 

When he did something to remind you that you weren't necessary for his mission.

When he reminded you that he didn't need you like you needed him.

The baby must have shifted in your lap because, thankfully, you found yourself woken up by warmth. You let out a breath, eyes barely open enough to see the cloud it made in the air, and you snuggled further into the seat. You turned your head to see the frog woman sleeping soundly, arms tucked around the egg canister, and you could feel the soft breathing of the sleeping baby in your arms. Rotating back, you were upset to find the sharp edges of a visor staring straight back at you. 

You were the only ones awake. Great.

He didn't say anything, simply studying your face, and you didn't speak either. You turned to face forward and your eyes fixed themselves on the shimmery lights in the black sky. _That was pretty._ It wasn't as stunning as the streaks of light that usually painted the glass of the Razor Crest, but it was beautiful just the same.

In the calm of the moment, you let out an accidental whisper. "Beautiful."

"Mesh'la."

You jumped in surprise, completely forgetting about the conscious Mandalorian, and you turned to find him still staring at you. He wasn't talking about the stars, you supposed. Usually, the sound of him calling you beautiful in his native tongue could melt you in an instant. This time was different.

You couldn't shake off what he had said to you. 

"Don't call me that."

"What?"

You narrowed your eyes at him, "I said don't call me that."

"Cyar'ika-"

"That either. Don't call me anything. Don't talk to me. I don't want to talk to you."

He heaved a big sigh and ignored your words, "Look, I'm sorry-"

"Sorry doesn't fix anything. You said what you said. If you said it, then it must be true. I'm an immature child with no regard for anyone else's life. I don't care about anyone but myself. I don't care about that woman. I don't care about this child. Apparently, I don't care about you either."

He was quiet for a long moment. "I didn't mean-"

You snapped at the sound of his modulated voice. "You meant every fucking word. Don't lie to me now. You're as good at it as I am. It doesn't matter anyway. I said don't talk to me. It's like you never listen."

He went rigid and you inwardly cringed. Isn't that what he had said to you earlier? That you never listen? Well, he could have it right back. 

You didn't want his apologies. You didn't want him to take back everything he had said. You'd had time to think about it while you were asleep and you'd made your decision. You didn't want anything from him anymore. His words had torn straight into your heart and you couldn't take it anymore. Every time you thought things were incredible with him, they always fell apart. This time it was completely on him.

You'd run off before with the intention of leaving, but this time was different.

* * *

So, when the Crest collapsed later into the water during its rocky landing, you shrieked. You didn't want to die, you just wanted away from Din. Far away. You wanted away from him, so why did he pick right now to be so sweet. Why was he holding onto you like you were the most important thing on the ship? 

The four of you were tossed around the cockpit, his arms forced to let you go, as the crane lifted the Razor Crest. Finally, the ship was set down and you stumbled off the spacecraft. Your head was throbbing. Staying silent the rest of the flight had been harder than you'd thought, and it took everything in you not to say a word. 

Now, here you were holding onto your temples as a Mon Calamari shook his head.

"Can you fix it?"

You were hardly paying attention as your bounty hunting companion talked to the dock worker. Instead, your attention was focused on something else entirely. The frog woman, that you had come to adore, was standing awkwardly on the dock. She kept turning, croaking loudly as she searched for something. 

_Someone._

You turned your head to find a green frog man croaking right back at her. They were barreling towards each other and you smiled softly as they embraced. That was cute. Precious. Your eyes hit the deck in discomfort and your smile quickly morphed into a frown.

Would you ever have something like that? A love like that? Would anyone ever sacrifice their life and travel across brutal worlds to find you again? Would anyone travel with a stoic, silent man and his weird egg-eating baby just to see you? Just to start a family...with you?

_No. At least, Din wouldn't, would he?_

Your jaw clenched as you felt him standing beside you. He was watching them too. You had no idea what was going on in his mind but you knew it wasn't nearly the same as what was running through yours.

You watched as Din walked towards them, shaking the green man's hand and asking him about the rumored Mandalorians. The child was with them. Now was as good a time as any, you supposed.

You turned around quickly to grab your bag off the dock. You'd snuck it out when the four of you had marched off the ship, fully intending to leave before Din. You picked the sack up off the wooden planks and swung it over your shoulder. It was light. You hadn't packed much, just the essentials. If you had taken everything then he would have noticed. Besides, some of your belongings had probably fallen out of the cargo hold when the ship was flying damaged. 

You had some clothes, a hair tie, some random snacks and that little amber crystal from the first hell cave you'd encountered. The crystal that had reminded you of...Din.

Right. You turned to find him still talking to the couple. Unfortunately, you made eye contact with the frog woman. She tilted her head and you frantically shook yours, holding a finger to your lips. She was a very expressive woman and her face told you that she was almost sad to see you leave the Mandalorian and child. She felt bad. You could tell. She didn't need to, though. It wasn't her fault that he had treated you the way he had. 

It was his. He'd said the vicious words that tore you in two.

You gave her a big smile and mouthed a 'congratulations' to her before turning on your heels and marching off. 

_It was fine. This was fine. Everything was fine._

Only it wasn't. 

Your heart hurt. You stood far into the distance as you watched him. He hadn't been paying attention at first, following the frog man's directions to the inn. Din wanted information on other Mandalorians so it was to be expected that he was too focused to notice a member of the group missing. No, he made it into the inn before then. 

As soon as he walked in, he ran back out. The child's floating pram right beside him and he whipped his head around. He was looking for you. Frantically. Scanning the whole area but he wouldn't be able to see you. You had tucked yourself between a couple large crates, ignoring the protests of a Quarren. You hadn't had enough time to fully run. The dock was too big a space for you to get far unnoticed, so you settled on hiding. 

Din needed to find the Mandalorian. He'd sworn an oath to protect that child and return him to his kind. It was as good as his Creed. He'd made a promise and you knew he wouldn't break it. Not even for you. So, you watched as he stilled, his fingers grabbing at his wrist. 

_Shit_. 

You'd forgotten about that. 

After losing you in that first cave, Din had attached a communication line to a small glove and given it to you. It was easier this way. If you needed him then you could call. He could mute the com if he was in the middle of hunting, or he could respond. You hadn't used it much, opting to trust him instead, but you could only assume he fully intended to use it now. 

"Cyar'ika."

It was covered in static but you heard him on your wrist all the same. Hearing him again made your head ache more. You didn't respond, watching him as he stood outside the inn and looked around. 

"Y/N, where are you?" 

You bit your lip and squeezed your eyes shut. This was so much harder than you'd originally thought. You wanted to respond. Wanted to tell him that you were fine but you were leaving. To give him an explanation. You couldn't, though. It would be easier to run if he had a million different scenarios running through his head. You were torturing him but you had to. If he knew for certain that you had willingly left, you'd be easier to find. If he thought you could have been taken, then there were a million places you could be. It'd be harder to find you. 

You couldn't let him find you, or you'd cave again. You always did for him.

So you stood there, dying a little inside as his voice sounded more frantic. "Please, Y/N. I need to know you're okay. Did someone grab you? Tell me where to go. Tell me what happened. Cyar'ika. Please."

You heard the baby cry in the com and you covered your face with your hands. This was so much harder than the last time. Why? Why was it so much fucking harder?

Because the man you loved sounded so desperate to find you?

_Loved_.

_Fuck_. You did love Din, didn't you? He was the only man that had ever made you feel this much. The only man that had made your heart race and break. You'd called him your home. Let him into you, both figuratively and literally. Despite his flaws, he had been everything you never knew you'd needed. You wanted to be with him. He'd claimed he wanted to be with you. So then why did he say all those things? 

_She's not with me._

_You don't care about anyone but yourself._

There it was again. That voice in the back of your mind to remind you of all the horrible things he'd ever said.

_I'm sorry I'm always pushing you away. I'm sorry I never do anything to make you want to stay._

_I came here because I wanted to bring you back home._

_I'm not going to leave you anywhere, Cyar'ika._

_Wait_. That was new. Even louder in your mind was the sound of his softer voice, saying sweet words. You slowly came to the realization that, even though he hurt you more than once, he'd also made you feel wanted more often than not. Made you happy. 

Was it the healthiest relationship? _Hell no._ Was it the best you'd ever had? _Yes_. Being with him was like finding the piece of yourself you'd never known was missing. 

So, you sat sandwiched between two crate, palms digging into your eyes as you cried silently. You didn't cave, though. You had still convinced yourself that it was better this way. He was better off without you. So, you waited until you couldn't hear his voice through the com anymore. Until you rubbed at your eyes and watched as he slowly trudged into the inn. Then, you waited until he had been inside for a few moments before you walked off the dock and into town.

* * *

You'd been alone for all but fifteen minutes before you found yourself in an alley and face to face with Mandalorian armor. He was far too good at finding you. Your shoulders slumped as you tilted your head up.

_What the-_

"You travelled with the Mandalorian and his pet, correct?"

It was a woman's voice, modulated just like Din's had always been, and your eyes were wide in surprise. This was probably the Mandalorian that he was searching for, right? So why was she standing in front of you?

"Do you speak?"

Her annoyed tone tore you from your thoughts and you glared, "No, I'm mute. Yes, I speak. I just don't know why you're standing in my way and asking me questions that I won't answer."

She let out an amused laugh, "A snarky one, aren't you? Perhaps that's why he lets you follow him around."

Okay, that was it. "What the hell do you want from me, Mandalorian?"

She sighed as her hands reached up, grabbing at the base of her helmet as she took it off. Your eyes widened and you looked around to see if anyone was near. No one. You'd read about Mandalorians like this. Some swore to never remove their helmets, a faction of stricter, more set in their way Mandalorians. Mandalorians like Din. Many, like the woman before you, swore a Creed but were a little more lax in their ways. They wore the armor and they were bonded as a tribe, but they weren't quite so secretive. Most Mandalorians, at least that you'd read, were like this woman. You'd meant to ask Din about it at one point in time, but you'd never gotten around to it.

"You look surprised."

Her voice snapped you back and you cleared your throat, "I'm not used to seeing a Mandalorian take off their helmet. He never does."

She nodded grimly, "I see. He is a child of the watch." 

Why did that name sound familiar? 

"Child of the watch?"

She nodded again, her lips pressed together in a line. "Religious zealots that broke away from Mandalorian society. Their goal was to reestablish the ancient way. Much stricter rules. Living in the shadows. Never showing their face. It's a…"

She trailed off and you raised a brow, "A what?"

"A _lonelier_ way of being."

You couldn't say she was wrong. _Did he know?_ You wondered. He hadn't spoken much about his upbringing, though you supposed you hadn't told him about yours either. Neither one sounded very pleasant now that you knew a bit more about his clan. 

"What exactly did you come to me for?"

She smiled and gave a light laugh, "Straight to the point. I like that. I am Bo-Katan, of clan Kryze. The child of the watch, is he your friend?"

_Friend_. How could you describe your relationship with Din? Not quite friends, but not quite lovers. You didn't know what exactly you were. It had been undefined since the beginning. You guessed it was easier to define now…

"I'm not with him."

She tilted her head in confusion, "Really? Strange. You were seen getting off the same ship."

She didn't need the truth. You didn't know her well enough for that. "He was asked to travel here in exchange for information."

Were you telling her too much? _Maybe_. She was a Mandalorian, though, so she'd most likely encounter him on her own soon enough.

"What kind of information?" She was obviously curious. 

You didn't know what her motives were, so you shrugged nonchalantly. "Don't know. I hitched a ride because I introduced him to the frog woman. She had access to information he wanted. Beyond that, I don't know anything."

The female warrior laughed, "You're a terrible liar."

_Fuck_. 

"What do yo-"

"I seek out the assistance of my kind. I'm in search of something that is important to me. Something that has been passed down through generations of my line. I think he can help me attain it."

"And you need me because?"

It was a valid question. You half expected her not to answer, but she obliged you. "He appears to need convincing. Now that I know he is a child of the watch, I am certain he will not simply agree to help a stranger. Though I am a Mandalorian, he won't immediately trust me. I think he trusts you. So, I ask for your assistance."

"No."

"No? You haven't even heard my offer-"

"I don't care. I just left him. I'm not going back just so you can find something you lost-"

"It was stolen from me. I didn't lo-"

"Don't care." You waved her off, ignoring her protests. "I'm trying to find a way off this planet. I'm not staying here and I'm not going with him. I'm not required to help you. You have nothing to offer me."

"I can offer you safe passage."

Your eyes widened. She was offering to take you off this fishy planet. In exchange, you just had to help her convince him. It was a tempting offer. Too tempting.

You sighed, nodding slowly in agreement. "Fine. I'll-"

"You won't regret this. I'll make it-"

You held a hand up to stop her. "Don't praise me just yet. I have rules."

She nodded again and you continued, "I won't be face to face with him. Well, face to helmet. No actual contact. I'll talk to him through the com but no more. I don't want to see him."

"He must have wronged you quite a lot."

You glared at her, "Doesn't matter. It's irrelevant to our deal. Actually, let's make that another rule. No asking about my past with Di-" You stopped yourself. " _Mando_. No asking about our history."

"He's told you his name?"

"I said no-"

"You are far more important to him that you realize. If he is a true child of the watch, a real name is almost as important as the sight of his true face. His trust in you is strong. Do not doubt that. He cares deeply for you."

_Was that true?_ You had known the importance of his real name but you hadn't realized it was quite that powerful a gesture. Your face flushed slightly and you bit your lip in contemplation.

"You care deeply for him as well. Why do you run?"

You shook your head and forced a frown, "Do we have a deal? If so, the rules start now."

She slowly stretched her hand out and you grasped it to give her a shake, "Deal. Do you have a preference on a planet?"

_Right. That was your payment._

You shrugged, "I don't care. Just not a trashy fishing planet like this."

She tapped a finger to her chin, "No preference on a place to settle down? Would you like water? Snow? Lots of plant life? Farming?"

"I said I don't care. I just need a new place to call...home."

The word tasted bitter on your tongue now that you had left the Razor Crest. 

_Home? Not even close._


	11. The Things You Love Don't Last.

**The Things You Love Don't Last.**

* * *

This was a terrible idea. Why had you agreed to this?

Every fiber of your being was nervous. Nervous about talking to him again? Of course. You were more nervous, however, as you watched the fishing vessel from the safety of the shore. Why had he gone on that boat? Those Quarren had looked less than friendly as he had boarded with the child. _What the hell was he thinking?_

You rolled your eyes at his idiocy and watched as a trio of Mandalorians flew onto the vessel to assist him. Thankfully, after meeting with the other two warriors while in the company of Bo-Katan, you knew they were more than capable of helping Din. Not that he usually needed help.

You bit your lip in nervousness. On the one hand, if he didn't grow angry at their differing way of Mandalorian life, you most likely wouldn't have to speak to him. You would, however, also not get that free ride to a new planet. On the other hand, if he did leave after seeing their faces, you would get to hear his voice again. You'd get to unite him with other Mandalorians, however different their clans they may be. Then, you'd get to find a new place to live.

_Not a new home. Just...a new place to inhabit._

He must not have liked what he saw and you saw him fly within fifty meters of you. You sucked in a breath at the sight of him drenched, cradling the child in his arms. Where was the pram? What the hell happened on that boat? 

You shook your head. It wasn't the time for that. It was the time for you to uphold your end of the deal. You pressed a finger to the buttons on your glove and held your breath.

"Mando?"

You watched him stiffen at the sound of your voice. He was searching around the dock, probably trying to find you again. He didn't say anything back, only kept turning.

"Stop that. Stop moving around, you're going to give the baby whiplash."

He stopped and you smiled as you heard the baby coo. Maker, you missed that little brat. 

"Cyar'ika? Where a-"

"I'm not answering that. Just listen. Those Mandalorians can help you. I know it. They want your help in finding something that belongs to your people-"

"They are _not_ my people."

You sighed at the fury in his voice. This was going to be harder than you thought. You rubbed your fingers against your forehead and thought about how to word this.

"Listen to me. They're not like you. That much I know. I saw her face. She took her helmet off in front of me and I swear I felt my brain fucking short circuit. They're still Mandalorian, though. That's what you wanted, right? You wanted to find other Mandalorians. You want to help the child?"

You watched from a distance as he rubbed a gloved hand across the back of his covered neck. "Cyar'ika-"

"I told you not to call me that. Not anymore. I don't even know what it means. I never asked. I kept meaning to and I never did but I won't now. I don't want to know anymore." 

It was true. You didn't want to know. You didn't want to know because you knew it would make the ache in your chest worse. 

"Please, tell me where you are. I'll come find you. If they've taken you hostage-"

"Stop it. They didn't force me. They didn't take me hostage. I'm by myself right now. I just want to help you so that you can get that precious child where he belongs. _Please_. Accept their offer. You haven't heard it yet but trust me, it's good. She can help you."

"I don't want her help. I want-"

"Stop it!" You yelled a whisper into the receiver. "You swore it. You swore to help reunite that child with it's kind. You made a promise and I know you. You will see it through. That's the kind of man you are. You uphold everything you believe in. You do what you think is right. You follow your Creed and you would do anything to protect that child because he's a part of your clan now. So protect him. Please. See this through and do what's necessary."

You could tell you had gotten through to him and you let out a heavy sigh. What you didn't see coming was the words you'd hear back.

"This is not a clan of two. It's a clan of three, Cyar'ika."

You groaned. _He never could make anything easy, could he?_

"Mando-"

"Don't call me that. I _hate it_ when you call me that."

A frown tugged at your lips and you stared at his towering form. The baby was fussing, you could see it. Reaching inside of your new boot, you pulled out the translucent amber crystal. You stared at it as it gleamed at you, reflecting the starlight. Reflecting in the same way as the man in beskar. It's beauty rivalling his.

"I'll make you a deal, Cyar'ika."

Your head snapped up as his voice came through. "A deal? I don't want to make a deal-"

"You wanted me to listen, now you listen. This is a clan of three. Has been since I picked you up from that hole in the wall bar that I found you at. Has been since you gave me some snarky response when I asked you a simple question. Since the kid looked up at you with those big eyes like you were the most incredible thing he'd ever seen. Since you pulled me out of my 'frozen trash can' and held me to keep me warm. You are a member of my clan and I would tear through every fucking planet, moon and star to find you. So make this easier. Make this easier on both of us and take the deal."

Your heart hammered against your chest and you sucked in a breath. "You haven't even made me an offer."

He laughed and you relished in the sound. Maker, you missed that. 

"I'll take the child to his kind. If you go with me."

The wind whipped your hair around and you stayed still for what felt like forever. How were you supposed to respond to that? You wanted so desperately to agree. To run back to him like you had done so many times before. 

This time was different. You couldn't. 

You needed to stay firm in your plan. Needed to put distance between you and Din.

"No."

He must not have expected that answer because it took him a while to respond and, when he did, his voice was so quiet the com barely sent it through. "No?"

"That's what I said. No. You don't have the upper hand here. I may not be good at hunting or fighting but I'm smart enough to know when I have the advantage."

"Cyar'ika, plea-"

"No. I'm not changing my mind. Agree to their plan. Help them so they can help you. So that you can help the child. Maybe after…"

_Maybe after? After what?_ What the hell were you even trying to say?

"Don't give me false hope, Cyar'ika. Don't tell me that, after I spend what will probably be years of my life searching for this kid's home, you'll be waiting. Don't tell me that you won't have long forgotten about me. Don't tell me that you won't have settled down somewhere nice with a man that can give you everything you deserve. That you won't have children of your own. A family. A home. Don't lie to me like that."

The pain in his voice was evident and you wanted to cry. You held the tears at bay, though, and you forced more words out.

"I don't know what the future will bring. You don't either. I just know that I can't keep going on like this. I can't keep giving you every piece of me and watching as you-"

"Break your heart again?"

"Yes. Again and again. You meant every word you said on that ship. Don't lie to me and tell me you didn't. You meant it when you said that you thought I didn't care about anyone but myself. So, don't be surprised that I'm proving you right. I'm thinking about myself right now and if that makes me selfish then I don't fucking care. I want what that couple has. I know you saw it. How happy she was when she saw him. She risked everything to make it to him, Din. Her life. Her potential children. Everything. I want that. I want to be able to give everything to someone like that. I wanted it to be you but-"

"But?" His voice was strained and you knew you were hurting him. 

"But you can't give me everything. You won't. You let me in and then, when things get rough, you take it all back. You hurt me and I hurt you. I've run away before, but you know what? You've left me multiple times already, too. You just didn't realize it. I'm not with you, remember? That's what you said. I remember every word you've ever said to-"

"Then remember everything. Every single word. Remember when I said I wanted to bring you back home? That hasn't changed. I'm not going to leave you anywhere, Cyar'ika. I'm not fucking leaving you on this planet. I'm not going anywhere without you."

That hurt. It was like pouring alcohol on a deep cut. You could feel it radiate throughout your entire being as he spoke. You were about to find the words to respond when all of the sudden he was surrounded by angry Quarren. You couldn't hear what they were saying, he must not have had the com on anymore out of fear of exposing you to the mob. Maker, even when he was surrounded and in danger he was still thinking of you. He was still incredible.

You wanted to help, so you did what you could. You had linked the com with Bo-Katan's, hers sent through a separate link so that she couldn't listen in on your personal call with Din. You had your smart moments, after all. 

Switching channels, you took a deep breath. "Bo-Katan? Can you hear me?"

She responded instantly. "Go ahead."

"Look, I'm sure he'll be fine. He's the strongest man I know but, just in case, Mando is in the center of what looks like a mob of pissed off Quarren. I gave him my speech, now everything is up to you. Just...help him, please? You can do more than I ever could for him."

"Somehow I highly doubt that."

You could almost hear the smirk on her voice and, before she could disable the com, you asked a question.

"One last thing. Do you speak Mando'a?"

"Of course."

"I need to know the translation of a word. Sharka? Shureeka? Um, I'm probably butchering that but I hone-"

"Cyar'ika? Is that the word?"

It didn't have the same effect when she said it but it was definitely the same word. "Yes. That's the one."

"I assume he has called you this before?"

You nodded even though she couldn't see you. "Yes. It felt important so before I leave him I want to know what it means."

"Are you certain you'd like to know?"

She must have sensed the power that the word held over you. Every time he had said it your heart constricted in the best way. You shouldn't have asked. You should've told her no. To forget the question and to proceed with her plan. You'd just told him that you didn't want to know what it meant and yet here you were asking someone else. You should've left it alone.

But you were an idiot, remember? So you didn't. 

"Tell me please."

"Mando'a doesn't fully translate to your native tongue. Adjectives are usually easy to translate but nouns are a bit more...difficult. They don't have precise meanings so if you want an exact word then I'm afraid I'll disappoint. I can, however, tell you that the word he uses for you is rather intimate. Cyar'ika is loosely translated to beloved or sweetheart. It's what one would most likely use to call their significant other. Their partner, if you will. It's a step below riduur-"

"Red door?"

"You are remarkably bad at this. No, not a red door. Riduur. Husband. Wife. Spouse. Life partner."

"Oh. Thank you. For everything."

"You are welcome. I'll be in touch. Try to think of a planet you'd like to be transported to while I'm gone."

"Okay."

She shut off communication and you watched as the trio assisted Din in his fight against the angry mob. You were about to leave when your body instinctively told you to do something. To switch channels just in case. 

So you did.

You didn't hear anything as you slowly walked towards town. It wasn't until you'd made it a little ways away that the familiar modulated tone came through. 

"Cyar'ika. I don't know if you can hear me anymore but I'm going to follow through. I accepted their offer. They're going to give me information. I'm going to find out where the child is from. I'm going to take him home."

You held the receiver up to your lips and smiled, "Yaim?"

His breath was shaky as he responded, "Yes. Yaim."

_Home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi loves! I have a serious question to ask you guys about the direction of this story...I've got all of the future chapters done but they include some heavy topics. There's some death. A lot of personal grief. One particularly heavy topic that I don't know if I should continue with. Part of me really wants to because it's a topic that people don't really like to talk about but is also a really common occurrence. So, I just wanna know if you guys think I should carry on with that? Let me know pleeeeaaase! 
> 
> Also, I love you guys and I'm sorry this chapter is a little short but it's a necessary bridge for future chapters! Next one will be out whenever I gauge how you guys feel about what I just asked~


	12. Anywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, sooooo this is the only chapter in the entire story that doesn't have our idiot of a trash can man in it, but I swear it's a necessary build up. He'll be back next chapter! I guess that's why this one is being posted today instead of Tuesday. It feels wrong to give you guys the weekly update I promised if it's the one chapter without Din. 
> 
> Alsooooo, a big thank you to everyone who responded to my question last chapter! I think I'm going to move forward with the original story, angst and all, and we'll see how it goes over. I wanna say the heavy topic is either in next chapter or the following one. When it appears, I'll update the tags and put a disclaimer at the beginning. I don't want to hurt anyone with my story and my hope is that, if I warn you guys and tag it properly, I can avoid doing so. I love you guys and I'd quite literally do anything for you. 
> 
> See you next week. Smooches!

**Anywhere.**

* * *

Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. Well, actually multiple things were wrong. 

_One._ You hadn't heard from Bo-Katan yet. She was supposed to open communication with you as soon as Din helped her and her clan. As soon as he helped her find whatever the hell she was so desperately looking for. She hadn't.

_Two._ You were staring at quite possibly the biggest atrocity in spacecraft history. Holy hell, Din was going to be pissed. He had paid a crap ton of credits for the Razor Crest to be repaired and, though it wasn't your ship anymore, you had walked past it in the afternoon to find it basically taped back together. Did that really qualify as fixed? 

_Three._ You hadn't eaten anything all day. You thought maybe it was simply because you didn't much care for seafood, and that was pretty much all they had on this planet. Still, it was abnormal for your stomach to sour so much at just the smell. Every time you came near food you felt like you were about to vomit. 

Regardless of your stomach's desire for it, you needed to eat something. So you wandered around, somewhat close to the port, in search of something light to eat. You managed to find a vendor that was selling some sort of bread. At least, you hoped it was bread. Whatever it was, it would have to do. 

You smiled politely at the man and were about to ask for some food when you were suddenly shadowed by a large figure behind you. The vendor immediately shrunk away and, staring at the shadow in front of you, your body froze. 

Was there a stormtrooper behind you? Another Mandalorian? Whoever it was, they had terrified the bread man.

_Fuck._

A rough voice spoke, "Your hair has gotten long."

_What?_

You hadn't had short hair in years. Not since before-

You pushed the memories back. You didn't want to think about your tortured past right now. Not when you had a million other things on your mind. Still, you had to give some of your attention to whoever had recognized you here on Trask.

Slowly rotating your body, you looked up at the person. They were covered in a cloak, most of their face obscured, and you had to squint to make out any details. Definitely a man, that was certain. Taller than Din. Larger than him too. Even if he had all his armor on, Din lacked the broadness that this man held. 

You swallowed, "Um, do I know you?"

A light chuckle escaped the cloaked figure, "I should hope so."

Two hands lifted to the hood and you took in an important detail. He was missing two fingers on his left hand. _Missing two fingers..._

Your eyes widened and you gasped. There was no way. Absolutely no possible way that this was-

"It's good to see you, Y/N."

He pulled the obstruction from his head and you finally got a good look at him. A thick, black mustache outlined his upper lip but the rest of his face was clean shaven. His hair was neatly trimmed, albeit a bit messy on top, and the dark locks rustled in the wind. His eyes were tired, a stormy grey that had seen far too much pain. He smiled and you caught a glimpse of a familiar dimple on his left cheek. 

He was beautiful. 

You had forgotten just how handsome he'd become. After all, it had been years since you'd even seen the man. 

As if sensing your shock and disbelief, his good hand lifted you play with a strand of your hair. "How is it you look just as good as you did all those years ago?"

"Not better?" 

Your quick sass made his eyes light up and the corners crinkled as he let out a bellowing laugh. "Always fishing for compliments, aren't we? You'll receive them, then. You are more beautiful than the glorious lights of hyperdrive."

He twirled the lock around his finger and you blushed, laughing softly at his attempt. "Is flying still all you think about? You haven't changed a bit, Leo."

He gave you a crooked smile and pulled you in for a bone crushing hug. Wrapping your arms around his torso, you buried your face in his chest. He even smelled the same. The scent of tobacco invaded your senses and you groaned at the familiar smell. 

"You smell good."

You felt the rumble in his chest that time, "Oh? I thought I was supposed to be giving the complements, _Princess_."

You bristled at the nickname and pulled away, jabbing him in the chest with a finger. "What did I tell you about calling me that?"

He leaned in dangerously close and you felt your face heating up at the proximity. His lips were centimeters away from yours, breath tickling your mouth. "That you love it? You always complained but never actually followed through with a single threat. Call me crazy but I think you like it."

You gave an exaggerated eye roll and gently pushed him back, watching him smirk in satisfaction. "You're still just as annoying as you always were."

"Again, I think you like it."

"I most certainly do not." 

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do-"

"Y/N?"

Your back and forth was interrupted by a familiar female voice on your com. She couldn't have picked a worse time to come back. 

You sighed and gave Leo an apologetic look before lifting your wrist up, "Go ahead."

"I apologize. I'll have to back out of our deal."

You froze, "What?!"

Leo looked at you with wide eyes, taking a large stride towards you to clasp a hand over your mouth. He laughed awkwardly and moved both of you to an empty alley.

"I am sorry, Y/N, but the factors have changed tremendously. We had to steal an Imperial cruiser-"

Your heart stopped. _Where was Din? Where was the child?_

You wiggled out of Leo's grasp and he tensed, "Is he-"

"Your Mandalorian is safe. To be honest, I tried to convince him to join us. He said no. I gave him the information he requested about the Jedi. He is quite stubborn, isn't he?"

Your shoulders relaxed and you smiled. _Refusing to cooperate? That sounded like Din._

"Mandalorian?"

_Shit_. You had all but forgotten that Leo was here. He was an old friend, sure, but you hadn't seen him in ages. Who knew where his allegiances lied anymore?

You held steady and gave a quick response, "That sounds like him. Anyway, thank you. I know you're backing out but I still appreciate you holding up part of your end. Be safe."

"You as well. You've helped me take a step closer to my goal. I am forever in your debt. Should you or your Mandalorian need anything, do not hesitate to call."

You ended the transmission and took a deep breath. You were happy that she kept up her end of the bargain in the deal with Din, but the fact remained that now you had no ride. You'd have to find a solution to that problem. Perhaps you could find another smuggler to take pity on you like Forn had. You missed that old bastard. He would've given you some sage advice and forced you to drink your worries away.

Maybe you could do that. Drink your worries away.

_Nope._ Your stomach churned again at the thought. 

Maker, what the hell was wrong with you?

"Your Mandalorian?"

_Shit_. You had forgotten about him again. You really needed to stop doing that.

"Ignore anything you just heard, Leo. The conversation never happe-"

"Mandalorians are ruthless, Princess. What the _hell_ have you been doing since I saw you last?"

You could detect genuine concern in his voice, laced with something heavier. _Anger? Probably._ Mandalorians had been used by the Empire before to track down people they needed to dispose of. It came as no surprise that Leo immediately took a disliking to the thought of you travelling with one. After all, the Empire was the reason for most of your trauma. For both of you. You hadn't forgotten and, if you were still angry about it, it was safe to say that Leo was fuming. 

"Answer the question."

You flinched at his accusatory tone, "Leo-"

"No. Don't give me that shit. Don't give me excuses and don't even think of lying to me. You can't lie for shit."

You took a step back and pressed yourself against the opposing wall, head tilting back to rest on the concrete. Maybe, if you hit your head hard enough you could make yourself pass out and not have to play twenty-one questions.

_No, that wouldn't do._

You heaved a sigh and pinched the bridge of your nose as you felt another wave of nausea come over you. "Hold on just a sec, okay? I'll tell you but I just need a second. I don't feel great."

His gaze softened and he pulled something out of his pocket, tossing it to you. You caught it with ease and smiled when you saw the small loaf in your hands. "Eat. Then talk."

You nodded as you ripped off a piece, stuffing it into your mouth. You hadn't eaten in so long, even the plain bread was delicious. Flaky, soft-

_Oh no._

Your eyes widened as your stomach gurgled and you quickly tossed the rest of the bread back. He caught it in his good hand, eyes filled with confusion until you turned around and doubled over. You hated puking. You especially hated puking in front of someone else. He'd seen it before, though. 

When the sharp pain of a Stormtrooper's fist collided with your ribcage, he had seen you keel over just to let out a stream of bile. He'd seen everything before.

You felt a warm hand rub soothingly over your lower back as you spit out every last bit of the contents in your stomach. "You know, you were the one looking like you wanted the bread. I'd have left it there if I'd known you'd be puking my credits back up."

He attempted a joke and you laughed weakly, "It probably came back up because you shoved it in your gross pocket."

His hand slid upward, gently massaging your spine as you heaved. "Very funny. What's wrong with your stomach?"

You pressed a hand against the wall and pushed yourself up. A canteen made its way into your line of sight and you shook your head.

"I just puked. I'm not spoiling your water."

"Drink, Princess. I can get a new one. You, however, only have one stomach lining as far as I know. Let's not completely destroy it."

Letting out a reluctant sigh, you nodded and took the water. You took three large gulps and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand. Handing the container back to him, you turned back around to make eye contact with the towering male. 

"Thank you."

He nodded and tucked the canteen back under his cloak. Beneath the dark fabric, you caught a glimpse of something silver, glinting in the light. _Weird._ He was never one to carry anything flashy.

Your thoughts were cut off as he closed the material and spoke, "Feel any better?"

"Yes. Thank you, Leo."

He stepped closer, hand resting on your face. "Anytime, Princess. Now, spill."

Three fingers were pressed against your cheek and your eyes drifted shut. You sighed heavily and nodded against the palm of his bad hand.

"Okay. Long story short, I settled on Tatooine a while back. Met someone who needed...babysitting services, and I've been travelling with him ever since. Now-"

"The Mandalorian, I presume?"

You nodded a confirmation and continued, "So, now we've parted ways and I thought I had a ride to another planet but now I don't. This planet sucks, just to be honest. It's fishy, the food is awful, and the people are way less than hospitable."

He chuckled at that one, an oddly disappointed look in his eyes. "So...you're alone now?"

"Pretty much. Say, you don't know anyone with a ship do you?"

He blinked a couple times. You were about to take it back when his lips curved into a bright smile. A bright, beaming smile. You had missed that radiant face.

"Might you be in need of a chariot, Princess? I might know a knight up for the task."

You were an idiot. Leo had been raised as a pilot. A damn good one at that. Better than Din, if you were being honest. You let out a laugh and jumped into him, wrapping your arms around his neck to press a quick kiss to his cheek. The tips of his ears reddened and he gave you a bashful smile. 

"A knight you say? Is he cute?"

He shook his head, "Not cute enough for you, milady."

The both of you laughed and you unwrapped yourself from him, only to have him lift you in both arms and carry you away from port.

Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea. How lucky of you to stumble upon an old friend. After all, if anyone could help you, it was Leo.

* * *

Your fingertips grazed the pristine metal of the door to your new room. _Room. That was weird._ You had grown so accustomed to the limited space of the Razor Crest, that you had all but forgotten what it was like to have your own space. Travelling with Leo was an entirely different experience altogether.

It was nice, really. 

You'd only been onboard for a few hours but it was like a whole other world. The Royal Leviathan, a dumb name that Leo insisted he didn't get to pick out, was huge. How he had it all to himself, you didn't know. Couldn't care less. There were multiple rooms. The cargo bay was the only one of which Leo had told you specifically not to go into. 

Whatever, you didn't want to. 

You wanted to keep exploring. You walked down the hallway leading to the cockpit, the door opening instantly upon your arrival.

"Hey, Leo, where is the-"

He turned toward you in surprise, clad in only a pair of leather pants. He must have just come out of the refresher because his skin was damp, a small bead of water dripping down the center of his torso.

_Maker, had he always been that muscular?_

Your cheeks heated up instantly and you smacked a hand over your eyes, "Sorry! I would've knocked but the door opened on its own! I'll come back later."

He laughed and you spread your fingers, peeking at him through the space. He took a few steps towards you, drying his hair with a towel and grinning.

"The hell are you getting all flustered for, Princess? You've seen me in less."

The reminder made you shiver. He wasn't wrong. Those had been different circumstances, though. You hadn't had much more than each other at the time and you were both so broken. It made perfect sense to take comfort in each other at the time. 

"Take your damn hands off your eyes, Y/N. We're adults. I'm not putting a shirt on in my own ship just 'cause you feel awkward."

He was so blunt. You nodded and took your hands down, attempting not to stare. It was impossible. You hadn't fully seen a man's body in...who knew how long. Sure, he was an old friend but he was still a man. 

A warm-blooded, attractive man that you had already let sexually satisfy you years prior.

You couldn't help yourself. Your curiosity got the better of you and you let your eyes wander the broad expanse of his torso. He was littered with scars, no surprise given his past, one of which stood out to you. It was a thick, almost burn-like stripe that extended from his left pectoral down to just above his hip. It was surprisingly straight, not jagged in the slightest, and you silently wondered what could have caused it. 

He didn't let your mind wander for long.

A heavy sigh escaped his lips, "Alright, I said I wouldn't put a shirt on but you're starting to make me self-conscious, Princess."

Your eyes met cool grey and you stuttered in embarrassment, waving your hands in front of your face. "O-Oh! I'm sorry! It's just, you didn't have that before...did you?"

He stared down at the mark in disdain, a firm frown evident on his face. "You tell me. Did I have it the last time you saw me naked?"

The back of your neck was hot. _Why did he have to say it like that?_

Ignoring his innuendo, you shook your head. "You didn't have most of those. The one on your chest is old, same with the one on your left shoulder. You had that blaster wound scar when I met you. You were missing-"

You stopped. _Shit._ He'd never liked talking about his hand, so why were you bringing it up?

He must have sensed your shame and he took the few long strides it took to stand directly in front of you. "My fingers? You can say it, Princess. I don't mind anymore. I can do plenty with the other hand."

There was that suggestive tone again. You cleared your throat and turned your head to the side, eyes catching on a familiar gleam of silver. You gasped and walked over to the shelf. There, in between a blaster and some random piece of mechanics, was a shiny, silver hair clip. The crystals were still clear, as if they'd been cleaned recently. 

"You kept it?"

He was beside you within seconds, hand lifting to grab the previously forgotten heirloom. He took it off the shelf, inspecting it briefly before turning towards you. Your hair was currently in a very messy bun but he found a perfect spot for the precious clip, latching it to hold the few stray hairs that had fallen out on the left side of your head. 

He had a faraway look on his face, "Course I kept it. It's important to you. What's important to you is important to me. Always has been."

He rubbed his thumb across your bottom lip, eyes fixed on your mouth and you couldn't contain yourself. You'd hate yourself for it, but running into a man that spoke like that about you stirred a longing inside. Leo had always been good with words, a stark contrast to Din. Heart beating wildly, you obliged him immediately and grabbed the sides of his face as you smashed your lips against his. 

His mustache tickled your upper lip in a way that Din's never had. 

_Shit._ Why were you thinking about him right now?

A needy groan pulled you from thoughts of the Mandalorian and you felt Leo put a hand on your waist, the other reaching further down to grab your ass. He pressed you against him and you moaned, giving him the opportunity to explore your mouth with his tongue. The hand on your waist moved down to brush three fingertips under the bottom of your shirt. 

His fingers slid up your ribcage, brushing the underside of your breast. "Princess…"

The nickname woke you back up and you gently pulled away, taking a step back to out some distance between you. "Sorry, I don't know what came over me-"

"You won't find me complaining about that, you know. I missed you."

You pressed your fingertips to your lips, reveling in their slight swell, and you gave a small smile. "Now why would you ever do a dumb thing like miss me?"

A crooked smile formed on his mouth as he stared down at you. He shook his head and chuckled, "You're incredibly blind sometimes, you know that?"

You gave a fake gasp and lightly smacked his chest, "Well what kind of knight insults his Princess like that? I demand an apology!"

He laughed harder at that, raising an eyebrow in defiance and bending down to grab you. You screamed as he tossed you over his shoulder, marching forward towards the pilot's seat. He set you down in it, leaning down to run a finger across your hair clip. 

"Looks good on you. I know you told me once that your mother was pretty but, to be honest, can't imagine her looking better than you with this on. It suits you. Chair does too. Maybe I'll teach you how to fly."

You stared up at him in shock. "Really?"

"Your eyes are lighting up, Princess. Has no one ever offered before?" You shook your head rapidly and he let out a laugh. "Well I'd be happy to be your first. _Again_."

He gave a playful wink and you slapped him again, eyes narrowed as he laughed. "Not funny!"

His face grew serious as he gave you a thoughtful look. "You've a got a fantastic memory. Anyone ever tell you that?"

You furrowed your brows in confusion. "Huh? What are you-"

He pointed a finger to the fully healed blaster wound. "Blaster scar from when I got captured by the Empire." He pointed to the wound on his chest next. "This one's from when I was a kid. Fell off a speeder bike that I wasn't supposed to be on and landed right on a jagged rock." 

"You? Doing something you shouldn't have? Unheard of."

He rolled his eyes with a smile at your snarky remark. "Yeah, yeah. Anyway," He pointed to the long mark on his torso and swallowed. "this one came from a lightsaber. I'd never seen one before-"

"A lightsaber?"

You'd never seen one in person, but you'd heard plenty about them. They held a strong affiliation to the Jedi. It begged the question, why had he been fighting against someone like that?

Also, weren't the Jedi the people that had the same abilities as...the Child?

"I know what you're wondering, Princess. You wanna know why I was in a brawl with somebody like that. Short answer, I wasn't. Well, maybe I was. I don't really know. I was plastered. Shit faced, in fact. Don't remember much besides waking up covered in bacta and all wrapped up."

You grimaced at the picture in your head and you hesitantly reached a hand up to run your fingers along the top of the scar. "That must have hurt."

He shivered and nodded, "Like a bitch. Sure as shit doesn't hurt right now, though. Feels kinda nice."

You bit your lip as you continued to trace the line further down. He shuddered and you kept going. Further and further until you reached the bottom. The scar tapered off into a point, right above his belt line. 

"How do you feel about staying?"

The question immediately grabbed your attention. "What?"

He sighed lightly and grabbed your hand in his good one, caressing your palm with his thumb. "Stay, Princess. Here. With me. It's a big ship. You've got your own room. Hell, you can have mine if you want. You can make every inch of this place yours. I'll let you."

There was a full throb in your chest as you stared up at him. He looked vulnerable and you were shocked. Never in all your time of knowing him had you ever seen him look that way. He had always been a pillar of strength for you, protecting you through everything you'd encountered. What's more, you noticed the faint lines of…guilt?

"I don't know, Leo. I want to settle down. Make a life somewhere."

"You can make a life here."

You shook your head, "You know what I mean. I want a life like my parents had. Like they had before...everything."

He nodded slowly in understanding. A life with Leo was certainly something you had pictured long ago, when you were both teenagers. The thing was, now when you pictured forever, the only image that made its way into your mind was...Din. Leo didn't need to know that. The disappointment was clear on his face but he didn't say anything about it and you were thankful.

"Fair enough. Can't blame a man for trying." He forced a smile and held his hand out, gently pulling you out of the seat. "I'll teach you about flying at some point but, for now, let me get this baby into hyperdrive. You got a planet in mind?"

_Shit._

_Anywhere? Was that an appropriate answer?_

"No. Not even the slightest idea. Can you think of any?"

He shrugged, "No clue where you want to settle, but I know a planet we can stop at to get some supplies and decent food. How's that sound for now?"

Your stomach growled and you gasped in embarrassment. Leo only laughed and pointed a thumb behind him. "Suppose you can't wait. I forgot you barfed up that bread. There should be some rations in the pantry over there. Take anything you want."

"Thanks, Leo."

He nodded and pressed some buttons while you walked towards the food. Unfortunately, you didn't even get to peek at the options before your stomach was doing that weird thing again. You felt the bile rising in your throat and you turned quickly. 

"Where's the restroom?"

He turned to see you clutching at your stomach and concern etched his features. "Down the hall, first door on the left. When you get back I'm gonna see if I can find you something for that nausea."

You nodded frantically and bolted for the toilet. You made it in the nick of time, bending over and heaving into the metal bowl. 

What the hell was wrong with you? Every time you thought you were done being sick, it happened again. You couldn't even keep water down at this point and it was driving you nuts. Coughing up a couple more times, you held your stomach and rested your forehead on your arm. 

"What the hell is wrong with me?"

You took a few deep breaths and pushed yourself up, walking over to the sink and gargling your mouth out. The taste of bile was still hanging on your tongue and you grimaced. Disgusting. 

A firm hand rested on your lower back and you looked up into the mirror to find Leo staring back at you. "You okay?"

Not knowing how to respond, you shrugged. "I suppose. I don't know what's wrong with me. I guess maybe I caught something on that stupid fish planet."

He smiled, "Seafood didn't do it for you?"

"Seafood? All I do now is see food come back up."

He gave you a look, "Okay that was a bad one, Princess."

You shrugged, "Yours are usually worse."

"Are not."

"Are so."

"Are not."

"Are so."

He huffed and went to hand you a pastille. "Are not. Also, take one of these. It should help with the nausea."

"This isn't going to be like that one time you gave me weird hallucinogenic candy, is it? I swore I was seeing Maker in person and he was a fat, hairy man in a thong."

Leo choked on a laugh, "I gave you some of the galaxy's best drugs and you imagined a hairy, fat man? Is that what you're into? I think I might know a guy if-"

You smacked him lightly, "Oh shut up! The point is, these aren't special in any way, are they?"

He let out a laugh, "They're anti-nausea lozenges. The worst they'll do is make you a bit drowsy. Honestly, I'd suggest taking one and going straight to bed. They might help you not wake up to have to vomit. Now, open your bratty mouth."

You glared but listened anyway, opening your mouth so he could place the medicine on your tongue. As soon as he did, you sucked lightly on the lozenge and swallowed. It was a lightly sweet kind of flavor, nothing spectacular, and it went down easier than anything else had.

He rubbed his thumb across your lips again, taking a step towards you. "Do you need help with anything before you go to bed? Need any clothes?"

You shook your head, "No, I'm okay. Thank you. I'm just going to hit the hay."

He smiled and let you go, watching as you turned and walked to your room. Then, as soon as you were inside, you heard the door to the cockpit close. You assumed he'd be keeping an eye on the flight path for a little while. You pulled your bottoms off, leaving your legs bare as you climbed into bed. 

It was slightly firm, a detail you actually enjoyed. Too soft and you couldn't sleep. This was perfect. Much to your surprise, you almost immediately drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

No nightmares. No dreams of Din or your old home.


	13. Didn't Notice What I'd Lost.

**Didn't Notice What I'd Lost.**

* * *

"Where's Y/N? Usually she says hi to me when you call!"

The booming sound of Greef Karga's voice made its way through the cockpit and Din stilled at the question. He'd just gotten a bounty from the older man, asking for a tough one to keep him busy for a few days. He needed something to keep him out of his head. To keep him from having to distract the child every ten minutes. To keep him from thinking about how empty his ship felt. To keep him from thinking about the dull ache in his chest. 

To keep him from thinking about you and how you'd willingly left him, with little to no promise of returning.

Din's jaw clenched and he thought for a moment before opting to tell the truth. "She's not here anymore."

Karga was initially silent at the response, the lack of sound near deafening in the Razor Crest, and the Mandalorian braced himself. "She left?"

Din nodded stiffly. "Yes."

"Did you ask her to stay?"

_That was a stupid question._

"Yes."

"Do you miss her?"

_More than anything._

He thought about his response for too long and Karga spoke again, cutting him off before he could begin. "Of course you do. Y/N put up with you for far longer than I expected, no offense, Mando. You're not exactly the easiest guy to get along with."

"I know."

He really did. He knew all too well that you should have left him long ago. He'd never been good to you. He'd try and then he'd get so lost in his own head that he'd say words that he didn't mean. He didn't know how to talk to you. He didn't know how to coexist with another person, aside from the child. He didn't know how to properly communicate his feelings. Hell, he didn't even know what it was exactly that he was feeling.

"My advice? After this job, find her. Find her and beg for forgiveness."

_Beg?_

"I...already tried that."

"You already begged? I'll be damned! Why did she leave to begin with? What happened?"

_A stupid trash can happened._

Din avoided the question. "I should get started on this job."

He could hear Karga sigh heavily through the com. "Get her back, Mando. You need her. You care about her. I've known you for a long time and I've never seen you keep someone around that long. The baby was an accidental pick up. Y/N was a voluntary one. You _asked_ her to come with you. That means something."

_It means everything._

"I need to go."

"Don't forget what I said! This one's dangerous. Good luck, old friend!"

The transmission ended and Din closed his eyes beneath the visor. His mind was plagued with thoughts of you. That wouldn't do. He needed to focus on something else. Something void of confusing emotions. Something empty and thoughtless. 

The job. 

What had Karga said? That this guy had been seen on Trask before heading somewhere nearby? Of course. So much for not thinking about you.

Everything about Trask made Din hate his life. The food? _Disgusting_. The mechanics? _Trash_. The Mandalorians? _Confusing_. 

You? _Gone_.

His fingers clenched the shifter knob tightly as he thought. He was supposed to be thinking about something else, but here he was thinking about you again. His head was throbbing and, for the first time in his life, he genuinely wanted to chuck his helmet across the room. He hadn't gotten any sleep since Trask, the feeling of an empty bed, and a mostly empty ship, making him cold at night. Everything reminded him of you. You had left some things behind, probably because he would have noticed you were planning to leave if you hadn't. The thought made him laugh emotionlessly to himself. 

_Smart_. 

Sighing, he set the course for a few planets over from his current location. He was attempting to fly without the use of hyperdrive. Was it because his ship was a mess or was it because you'd always loved those lights that illuminated the cockpit? He didn't know. He just knew that he wasn't touching the damn thing. Hand reaching for the shifter knob, he sighed when he saw it missing again.

He turned toward the child, finding curious brown eyes staring down at two shiny objects.

_Shifter knob? Of course._

_Hair clip?_

The Mandalorian felt his entire body go cold at the sight of that little jeweled barrette. His chest felt tight beneath leather and he was struggling to breathe. The room almost seemed like it was spinning. He threw his head back against his seat and groaned. _What the hell?_ The child made a noise beside him and Din sighed, turning again. This time, the sight was somehow even more painful. The green toddler had his little hand outstretched, three fingers waving the clip at the tortured man. It was as if everything in his life was taunting him, reminding him that you had left. The worst part? You'd left of your own free will and he hadn't been able to convince you to come back this time. 

Now, he was tired, cold, and tracking down some disgusting idiot.

Well, could he really call the guy disgusting if he basically did the same work that the Mandalorian did?

Another bounty hunter.

The child cooed and Din nodded. "I know. You miss her."

_Me too._

Large ears dropped slowly and the Mandalorian sighed, grabbing the child to rest him in his lap. Gloved fingers plucked the clip out of the smaller hand and he inspected the silver. It shined as if it were brand new and he faintly remembered you cleaning it sometimes. It was important to you. Sentimental.

_So, why'd you leave it?_

If you didn't plan on coming back, why not take it with you?

Din swallowed thickly and rubbed his thumb across the intricate details. "A long time ago, she told me that this was her mother's. That it was only ever worn for special occasions when she was a child. She probably thought I wasn't listening. She probably thought I never listened to her back then."

The child made a sad noise and waved his hand up again. So lost in his thoughts, the Mandalorian barely noticed the invisible tug. At least, he barely noticed until the item was pulled fully from his grasp and into the hands of the child. He let out a laugh, shaking his head in amusement.

"Alright. Keep it. She gave it to you, anyway."

The thought made him slightly jealous. You'd never given him anything. Nothing to remember you by. 

_Not true._

You'd given him something intangible. You'd given him all these feelings that he didn't know what to do with. You'd given him the silent promise of more. You'd given him a warmth he'd never known before. You'd given him something far more precious than that sparkling clip.

You'd given him the hope that he could be _more_. 

* * *

You'd been on board for a couple days and it had been amazing. Well, save for your nausea still lingering. Ignoring that small detail, the Royal Leviathan had been nothing but a great experience. The bed was comfortable, the refresher felt incredible, and the company wasn't bad either. Having Leo back in your life felt great. Well, it felt more than great if you were being honest. Being in the same space as him again brought up some...feelings. 

It hadn't taken long. After all, being around someone so talkative had quickly reminded you what normal conversation was like. You had gotten Din to speak a bit more, sure, but it was nothing like talking to Leo. Leo was an open book. You fell into the familiar groove of just being and the banter felt so right. If you weren't so determined to settle down on a planet somewhere, you were certain you'd accept his offer to stay on board in a heartbeat. Part of you hated yourself tremendously for that. It wasn't that you had forgotten about the Mandalorian. Certainly not. The issue was that you'd previously spent years of your life surrounded by Leo's warmth and the familiarity of it nearly felt like a home. Before meeting Din, you'd been certain that someone like Leo was who you'd settle down with. That would be the kind of man you'd want. Din had changed that mindset, but the fact remained.

Din wasn't here. You weren't with him anymore.

"You're zoning out again, Princess."

Three fingers waved in front of your face and you rolled your eyes, "I'm not zoning out. I'm thinking. I'd say you should try it sometime but I don't want that little brain of yours to short circuit."

"Ha ha. Very funny. You're a regular comedian, you know that?"

You smiled at him, taking in his features. He had trimmed his mustache this morning. You could tell because his hair was in a neat line and there was a small cut bleeding beside the corner of his mouth. Reaching a hand up, you brushed your thumb against the small wound.

"You cut yourself."

He hummed, "Sure did. You wanna kiss it and make it all better?"

You'd have laughed him off before. After the first day, you'd made it a point not to give into any urges to touch him. You didn't want to get his hopes up. You knew all too well what that felt like. Sure, you liked being here with him. Loved it, even. You couldn't stay, though. You hadn't asked about what he did for work but you knew it had to rely heavily on travel if his spaceship was this immaculate. 

There was something in his eyes this time that made you second guess yourself.

Cool grey was darkened by the widening of his pupils as he watched you. Your thumb was still resting against his mouth and your entire body still. Your breath was measured and your tongue instinctively slipped out to run along your bottom lip. He was watching you. He wanted to see what you'd do. 

He looked too damn good. So damn good, in fact, that you simply couldn't resist.

You leaned forward slowly, removing your hand from his face to tangle your fingers in the longer strands of his hair. You heard him groan quietly as you pulled his mouth forward to meet yours. As soon as your lips locked, he grabbed you at the waist and tilted his head to deepen the kiss. It was a toe-curling kind of kiss. The kind of kiss that left implications for things to follow and you moaned into him at the thought.

Maker, you wanted him _bad_.

"Then you can fucking have me, Princess."

You must have said the last thought out loud since he responded. He mumbled the offering against your lips as he pushed your shirt up. He was quick, excitingly rushed as he pulled your top up and off your head. He had you in just a bra and a skirt. 

He let out another groan, "Fuck, I swear you did actually get prettier. You're so damn soft. I could touch you for hours."

There was a dull ache in your core. The unspoken promise of what was coming hit you deep inside. He disconnected from your mouth and you whined. He let out a laugh at you and bent forward to lift you up by your bottom. He set you down on a metal workstation, the cold that hit your back making you shiver. Your nipples were hard and you were certain he could see them through the sheer material of your bra. 

Taking a step back from you, he let his gaze wander your exposed form. "Absolutely breathtaking. You are a fucking vision, you know that? Fuck, maybe I'll settle down on a random planet with you. Give all this up just to see you like this again."

He waved his hand around the space of the ship and the statement made you shiver. He didn't waste any more time. Heavy footsteps fell against the metal flooring as he stalked towards you, undoing the clasp of your bra in mere seconds. He must have done that countless times since you'd last seen him. Then again, you'd slept with other men since him. You even had feelings for another man, so who really cared?

Right? 

_Wrong_. 

"Leo-"

"I know, Princess. I got you." 

Your skin was hot, bare chest heaving as he ran both hands across your smooth stomach. Finally, he made full contact with your chest, fingers expertly tugging on your hardened nipples. He dropped into a crouch, running his hot tongue across an aching bud. You arched your back in response, letting out a loud moan. Then another when he took the same nipple in between his teeth, lightly scraping and tugging. Bad hand on your waist, he let his other hand trail down as he slowly tugged at the waistband of your skirt.

"You know I gotta ask, Princess." You whined when he pulled away from your chest to stare up at you. "You ain't gonna regret this, are you? Cause if you are then I don't wanna go any further. I won't keep touching you unless you're sure you want me to."

_Regret it? Definitely. He's not Din._

You pushed aside the thoughts, desperate to not think about the Mandalorian. "Just fucking touch me, Leo."

Your voice came out desperate and he smirked, "You always did get bossy when you were horny. It's kinda hot."

You glared at him and he laughed before turning his attention back to you. He dropped to his knees and your eyes widened. Was he going to-

_Maker. He was._

Your bottoms and panties were down to your ankles in one quick move and he wasted absolutely no time in spreading your legs open, his tongue darting out to suck on your inner thigh. You were certain you were dripping, probably making a mess of his clean workstation. He probably didn't care. Actually, you were certain he didn't care.

"You always tasted so damn good. Haven't had a sweetness like it in years. I'm a selfish man, Princess. Can't help myself from wanting to taste you first."

Your head rolled back in anticipation and you felt his hot mouth hovered above your center. He always made quick work of you like this and you were certain that this time would be no different. He licked a long stripe in between your folds and you both groaned.

"Leo."

He pushed his tongue deeper, lapping at your juices before sucking on the sensitive flesh of your clit. _Stars_. You were seeing stars. Your hands were gripping the edge of the countertop, his still pressed against your waist and thigh. Your thighs were tense, the unrestricted leg tightening around his head as you opened yourself wider for him. A good idea on your part, you thought, as his tongue dove deeper into you. 

"Fuck!"

He smirked against your lower lips and peered up at your flushed face, "Let me finish this first. One thing at a time, baby."

He nibbled lightly on your aching bud and one of your hands flew forward to tangle itself in his hair again. "Leo, I'm close."

He gave you a slight nod, mustache rubbing deliciously against you. "I know. I always got you quick like this."

You would've glared down at him if that didn't feel so damn good. Your toes were curled, one foot pressed against his upper back as he worked on you. So close. So fucking close. 

Holy hell, how long had it been since a man's mouth had been on you like this? It had only existed in your dreams on the Razor Crest, after all. Would it have ever happened with Din? _Maybe_. Only at the cost of being able to see him while he did.

He removed his mouth from you to bite down on your delicate inner thigh, "Get out of your head, Princess." You whined. "You shouldn't look like you're thinking right now. I want your eyes on me. Want you to stare right at me when I fucking make you cum."

Your pussy clenched at his words and you nodded, lowering your gaze to see him dive between your legs again. It was incredible. There was something so hot about watching someone's head between your thighs as they ate you out. _Yeah, Din would have never been able to do this_. Leo hummed in approval at your watching gaze, right over your clit, and you jolted. That felt amazing. 

So incredible, in fact, that you were right on the edge of euphoria. 

His licks were sloppy now, intent now on making you finish. He buried his face deeper, groaning as he felt you tremble. Taking your clit into his mouth once more, you cried out and clenched his head between your thighs. He rode you through your orgasming, giving you a few small licks as you calmed down. 

Then, he gently pushed your knees apart and stood up. He was so hard. You could see the firm outline of his erection beneath leather. You didn't care about blurring the lines anymore. You needed him.

If nothing else, you needed him inside you to erase the image of a certain Mandalorian.

_Shit. Not again._ Why was he always popping into your head at the worst fucking times?

You didn't have much time to think, thankfully, before he was gripping your hips and yanking you into him. He pressed his erection against your sensitive flesh and leaned forward to groan in your ear. 

"Fuck, Y/N, you're so hot. Taste so fucking good, too. I could die happy right now. The taste of you finishing on my lips. Like I said, though, I'm a selfish man. I wanna bury my cock inside you, Princess. Wanna cum inside that perfect pussy. I wanna fuck you until you can't walk. Then, I wanna fuck you some more."

_No_. 

You whimpered, disguised as a sound of pleasure. Only, it wasn't. It was the sound of a tortured woman, knowing she shouldn't be doing what she was doing. You knew you couldn't. Despite your relationship with Leo, you couldn't let him touch you like _that_. You could give him what Din couldn't take for himself. You could let him have that and walk away with a somewhat clear conscious. You couldn't give Leo what he wanted now, though.

The only man you wanted to be _inside_ of you was a stubborn Mandalorian.

He sucked on the delicate skin between your throat and shoulder, biting down to leave a mark. "Let me have it, Princess. I'll make you feel so good. You know I will. I'll carry you to my bed right now if you-"

Beep. Beep. Beep.

His words died on his throat and his head snapped up as he stumbled back wide-eyed. "The fucking hell?!"

You stared at his angry face as the red lights flashed from the cockpit. He ran a hand through his hair and growled in frustration. Then, giving you an apologetic look, he turned around to go find the problem, leaving you spent and sweaty on the counter. 

Watching him storm into the cockpit made your chest constrict. It reminded you of…

_Him._

It flashed you back to right after you'd put your lips around him. Right after you'd let him finish in your mouth and then said something ignorantly offensive, like the idiot you were. It made you see the tense outline of beskar basically sprint to the confines of another cockpit. 

Away from you. _Gone_.

Your lips trembled and you threw your head back, ignoring the sharp pain of it colliding with metal. You dug the heels of your palms into your eyes and took a deep breath to calm yourself. 

_Stop thinking about him. Stop thinking about him._

_I want you here, with me._

_No, no, no, no._

_Don't think about this now. Not after what you just did. Not after you'd let another man touch and taste you. Not after you'd just thought about settling down with someone else._

You felt your heart clench. Then, your stomach. You were going to be sick again. You hopped off the workstation, knees wobbling as you stood up. Then, you tugged your clothes back on and sprinted for the toilet again.

You sobbed as you threw up everything you had managed to keep down in the last day. You felt your whole body shake violently, then the whole room was shaking.

_Wait_.

The room was actually shaking. 

"Leo?"

You couldn't remember if the door to the cockpit had been closed when he walked in. If it was, then he couldn't hear you call. He didn't respond and you wiped at your mouth before marching towards the pilot. You walked up to the door, reminded instantly that it was motion activated, and it opened before you.

"Shit! Stupid piece of crap!"

You found Leo hunched under a control panel, goggles on his face as he fiddled with some wiring. 

"Leo? What's going on?"

He hit his head on the metal in surprise and you mumbled out an apology before he started. "Stupid landing gears are stuck. This ship was in perfect condition before I landed on Trask. Stupid fish brain fuckers."

"If the landing gears are stuck then-"

"I know. I'm working on it, Princess. Trust me. I'm gonna fix this. Right now the things on autopilot. Can't stand using that when we're heading into the atmosphere, but I don't have a choice. It makes the ride a little bumpy, so sit your pretty ass down before you get thrown around, okay? Can you do that? For me? Just sit down and strap in."

You gave a quick nod and stumbled to the co-pilot seat. Trembling fingers buckled yourself in and you took a deep breath. You'd been on worse rides than this. Hell, half the time Din landed it was in shittier conditions. The frozen wasteland where you'd crashed with the frog woman. The mess of a landing on Trask where the Crest fell into the water. You should be used to this. 

So, why were you so stressed? 

_He's not Din._

The thought raced through your mind before you could will it away. You knew Leo. Knew he was a more than capable pilot. An expert one, in fact. 

So then, why did you feel more uneasy about this than you ever had when you had rocky landings with Din?

"Got it! Fuck yeah!" 

Your thoughts were interrupted, thankfully, when Leo threw the goggles across the room and sprinted for his seat. He pressed a bunch of buttons and pulled hard at a lever. Then he turned back to give you a hard look.

"This is still gonna be a bit bumpy, Princess. It'll be better than it was but, since we're already decently far into the descent, my landing can only be so good. You need an anti-nausea tablet?"

You shook your head and gave him a smile, "No, I'll be okay. I trust you."

Something shifted in his gaze. He looked uncomfortable. You didn't quite understand the reason for the change but he gave you a curt nod and turned around to continue the land. It was bumpy, just like he had said but, soon enough, you were landed safely on a platform. He heaved a sigh and unbuckled himself, not saying a word before he left the cockpit.

_What was up with him?_

You shrugged it off and followed him out. He opened the hatch and pressed the button to extend the bridge. You grabbed a couple things of importance, the crystal and your hair clip, and tucked them into your boot before stretching your legs. 

You didn't know what planet you were on. It was unfamiliar to you. That meant that you hadn't been here with the Mandalorian either. 

_Surprising_. 

You'd been to so many places with him that you were shocked to find one that you hadn't. Then again, the galaxy was broad. It held so many systems, planets, moons and stars. You shouldn't be so surprised.

Leo grabbed a blaster, tucking it into a holster on his leg before handing one to you. You stared at him blankly.

"Um, what am I supposed to do with that?"

He stared at you in shock, "It's for your protection-"

"No, I get that. It's just...I don't know how to use it."

"Funny, Princess. Take the damn thing would you? This isn't a dangerous planet but it's better to be safe-"

"Leo, I'm serious. I don't know the first thing about how to use a blaster."

He gave you a look before furrowing his brows, "You travelled with a Mandalorian, a certified killing machine, and he never showed you how to use one of these?"

"Nope. He gave me a knife but-"

"A fucking _knife_? The hell are you supposed to do with that?"

"Hey!" You glared at him. "It came in handy!"

"Sure, if you haven't already been shot from twenty meters away! A fucking knife. Unbelievable. What a fucking idiot."

Well, you couldn't argue with that.

"I never needed to know how to use a blaster. So, he didn't teach me. Why is that so bad?"

His shoulders dropped, "I'll tell you why, Princess. I'm gonna be brutally honest so don't get mad at me. It's bad because if he valued your safety then he would show you how to properly defend yourself. Now, I ain't gonna leave you alone anywhere on this planet but I'd still like to know that you're safe if something happens. Therefore, you and I are gonna have a quick little lesson."

It made sense. Now that he'd said it out loud it made perfect sense. Why hadn't Din ever taught you? He wasn't on the Crest all the time. Half the time he was out for a hunt. The baby could've protected you in a pinch but that was hardly a confident tactic. 

You nodded and followed as he stalked off. "Okay. I get it. Teach me then. I'll probably be a shitty shot but it's better to know than to not know."

"There's my girl."

* * *

You were wrong. You weren't a shitty shot. It had taken you a mere three attempts to learn that you were secretly a fucking perfect shot. You hit every target dead center. 

Leo stood there in amazement at your talent. 

He let out a yell of triumph before standing next to you, "Maker, you're a natural! Actually, better than a natural. You could probably be a damn sniper with a shot like that. Shit, that's _hot!_ I think my blaster could use some service-"

You blushed and whacked his shoulder playfully, the comment making you slightly uncomfortable this time. "Oh, shut up. We don't have time for that. Didn't you say we needed supplies?"

"Yeah, yeah. Let's get you some food. Maybe some more of that nausea medicine, too."

"Ugh, I think everything is starting to taste like those damn tablets. All chalky and gross."

"Well, quit puking and I'll quit giving them to you."

The two of you made easy conversation as you headed into town. _Odd_. People were staring at the two of you. Did you have something on your face? 

You leaned over to whisper, "Is there a reason we're getting stared at?"

His eyes widened a bit as he took in your surroundings. One quick glare and every single being went back to their business. 

_Funny. That was how people treated Din._

_Stop that. Stop thinking about him. He's not here._

"Just ignore them, Princess. They can probably just see my raging hard on."

You choked, "For the love of-"

He laughed loudly and grabbed your hand to pull you into a random shop. The woman at the desk lit up upon your arrival. She sauntered around the counter and squirmed her way into Leo's space. 

"Hey there, sweetness. What might I be able to do for you?"

He smirked and gently pushed her off, "Not here for that kinda attention, sorry. Actually, I'm here to see about some medicine."

A fake frown tugged at her overlined lips, "Aw, darn. I was hoping a handsome man was finally here to see little, old me. No such luck. What are you in the market for, sweetness?"

He looked around the shop, not noticing the annoyed glare you gave the woman. She didn't respond, save for a small smirk, as she stared you down. She eyed you carefully and you shivered in discomfort under her gaze. 

"This one's looking a little pale. You sure I can't offer you something a little more... _substantial?_ "

He grunted from across the room, "She's perfectly fine. Just a little queasy every now and then. You have any anti-nausea stuff? Maybe a liquid? She's getting sick of pastilles."

The woman hummed, "I can give you a tincture. So long as she's not pregnant-"

"What?" He snapped immediately at her and shook his head. "Not pregnant. A tincture will be fi-"

"Um, Leo?" 

Your voice came out meek and you stood still. _Pregnant?_ You couldn't be. Could you? No way. You and Leo hadn't-

_Fuck._

Literally, fuck. The two of you hadn't but you and a certain Mandalorian _definitely_ had. You could feel a headache coming on. Followed by a familiar feeling in your gut. Ignoring it, you continued on.

"I-I'll just stick with the pastilles. They're cheaper and-"

"I don't care how much they cost, Princess. Money's not a problem."

You didn't know how else to convince him so you sighed, "Can we _please_ just get the pastilles?"

His head snapped in your direction and the room was silent. He knew what you were implying. Knew that it hadn't been with him. So, the only logical solution was that-

"You fucking kidding me? You're fucking with me. Tell me you're fucking joking."

"Leo-"

"No. Tell me you're fucking joking." 

The woman looked amused and you clenched your jaw. "Leo can we not do this here?"

He tossed money on the counter, grabbing the pastilles and something else you didn't recognize. You stumbled awkwardly after him as he bolted through the door. You were mortified. 

"Leo, wait-" 

You didn't make it far before you found yourself sandwiched between a very fuming man and a hard wall. "The Mandalorian? _Your_ Mandalorian?"

Tears sprung into your eyes, rough concrete digging into your back. "Leo, you're hurting me. Stop-"

"You slept with the fucking Mandalorian?"

He took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair as he stared you down. "It doesn't matter-"

"Answer the question, Princess. Please. Tell me you didn't. Tell me you slept with anybody else. You could be giving birth to a fucking Jawa and I wouldn't care. Just not-"

"I'm sorry." You averted your gaze. It wasn't technically a response, but it was as good as one. 

His jaw clenched, "What's he look like under that helmet?"

Your eyes widened in surprise, "Huh?"

"Under the fucking tin can. What's he fucking look like? Is he pretty? Because he won't be once I fucking find him. I'm gonna break his fucking face-"

"I don't know. I haven't seen-"

"You haven't even seen his face? I mean I know they've got some sorta fucking Creed and all that shit but you let a man fucking cum inside you without seeing his face? You've gotta be kidding me."

"It's his way. His Creed. I wasn't going to get in the way-"

"Any man that doesn't put you before everything else in his life isn't fucking worthy of you. Do you understand me?" He tugged at his dark locks and grabbed something from his pocket, shoving it into your hands before turning away. "Let's go back to the ship. You can take it there."

You stared at his back in confusion before looking down at your hands. "Did you buy me a pregnancy test?"

"I don't wanna talk about it. I wanna forget we ever had this conversation. I wanna pretend I've seen that it's negative. I wanna stop picturing a fucking trash can bending you over. So, let's go."

_Trash can._ That was familiar. 

The walk to the ship was awkward and silent. You didn't really know what to say. Should you talk to him about something to try to take his mind off of what happened? Did he even want to talk to you? Was he angry? Disappointed? Was he wishing it had been him? After all, he'd implied the idea before.

"What are you gonna do if you are?"

His voice was quiet, an unusual tone for the large man, and you almost didn't hear him. "What?"

"If you're pregnant. With... _his_ baby."

_Oh_. You hadn't thought that far ahead. You'd want him to know, wouldn't you? But the com probably didn't reach nearly far enough to find him on whatever planet he was currently on. How would you even tell him? Send a droid? He hated droids. Not as much as he used to, but he still wasn't fond of them. 

_How would he find out?_

You shrugged, both to yourself and Leo. "I don't really know. Don't have a plan, really. I wanted to settle down so I guess this would force me to follow through with that. I'd have to find a safe planet-"

"That kid would be beautiful."

You blinked at him before laughing softly. "I don't know what he looks like-"

"Doesn't matter. He could be a fucking Wookie and the kid would still be gorgeous. It'd take after its mom, I'm sure of it."

The compliment was surprising, given that he had just yelled at you in an alley about the entire ordeal, and you smiled to yourself as the two of you walked up the ramp. He stopped halfway, talking to a mechanic, and you boarded without him. You walked to the refresher, stomach bubbling with discomfort. Did you really want to do this? Did you really want to know?

You had to, right?

_Right._

If you did happen to be pregnant, then you needed to eat better. You hadn't eaten much as of late, struggling to keep everything down, but you'd force yourself to eat if it was to keep a baby healthy. You didn't even know what you wanted the test to say. 

Did you want a baby?

_No, not really. Not right now, at least._

Did you want his baby?

_...maybe. Someday._

If you were to have a baby, you'd want it to be Din's. That thought was heavy on your mind as you stared blankly at the wall. You were coming to realize that, though Leo was easier to understand, every time you pictured a future it was still with Din. Everything you wanted out of life still included him. You would've happily stayed on the Razor Crest forever, but the sheer thought of staying on this ship with Leo made you feel...nothing.

Comparing the two was like being back on Tatooine with the two suns. You'd come to notice, after a little while, that one sun always stood out just a little bit more than the other. Din was that sun. You'd called him cold before but he still brought out a warmth deep within you. One that Leo could never hope to.

You took a deep breath and fiddled with the package before taking the test. 

Then, you waited. 

Patiently.

Not really patiently but, well, you had to wait.

Your body was tense, lip sandwiched between your teeth and you bit down in anticipation. Finally, your allotted time was up and you heaved a sigh as you looked down. You blinked. 

_No way. No. No. No. No._

_Yes?_

Were you excited? _No_. Was it positive anyway? _Yes_.

You were fucking pregnant. Now what the hell were you going to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter was kinda long but I figured you guys wouldn't mind XD alsooooooo shout out to everyone who already knew where this was going! Next chapter will be an intense one, sooooo no bonus chapter this week. I'll see you guys next Tuesday. Smooches~


	14. Tortured Me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER/TRIGGER WARNING:
> 
> Hi loves! Welcome back~
> 
> This is mostly a big disclaimer so please pay attention! I have to put this in before you read the chapter because if I don't then I'd hate myself. This is a warning about the topics that follow in this chapter. This is a particularly rough one that includes mentions of violence, torture, death, and implied miscarriage. If any of you are sensitive to these topics then I'm begging you not to read. I previously asked a lot of you about your opinions on super heavy topics and the majority of you were in favor of me carrying on how I originally wrote. So, this chapter and the next will be absolutely angst filled. If you don't like that, then I am really sorry. I put in this disclaimer to warn you guys. I also tried to tag appropriately. If I missed any tags that would help warn people, it was not intentional. 
> 
> Anyway, I love you guys and I can't thank you enough for the support you've given me throughout this writing process. I'll be back either Thursday or next Tuesday for another angsty chapter. I might choose Thursday so that the heavy angst is dealt with in one week instead of spread out.

**Tortured Me.**

* * *

Leo hadn't freaked out as much as you'd thought he would. In fact, he was terrifyingly calm. That being said, he didn't look at you the same. Instead of looking at you like you were the stars themselves, he looked at you like you'd crushed his soul. Sort of how he'd looked when you'd left him all those years ago. Like you'd broken him and he'd probably never forgive you. He was quiet. He'd left you on the ship while he finished some things up in town. You didn't know what he needed to grab, but you kind of liked being alone. 

The only problem was that it left you lost in your thoughts. A dangerous place, really.

Now, you were cleaning. Anything to take your mind off the current situation. His ship was always pristine, metal gleaming because it was so damn clean. You'd cleaned the bathroom. That had been kind of gross, simply because you'd been puking in it so often. You'd fixed a couple panels in the cockpit. 

_What now?_

He'd previously told you not to go into the cargo hold but was it really that big a deal? After all, it was just the two of you on the ship. You'd be gone soon enough, anyway. You shrugged and deemed it okay, marching toward the door.

_Access denied._

What the hell? He had a password on this damn thing? Rolling your eyes, you punched in some numbers that were of importance to him.

_His birthday. Access denied._

_Your birthday. Access denied._

_The day you met. Access denied._

_The day you escaped the Empire. Access denied._

The day he escaped...you actually didn't know that one.

You glared at the pinpad. Stupid piece of crap. Huffing in annoyance you tried a new tactic.

_The numerical form of his name. Access denied._

_The numerical form of your name. Access denied._

_The numerical form of the ship's name. Access denied._

_His mother's name. Access denied._

_Father. Access denied._

"Fucking hell! What the fuck is the damn password?"

_Password._

_Access denied._

Thank Maker he wasn't quite that dumb.

You were about to give up when you tried one more. _Princess?_ You typed in the numerical version of his pet name for you and watched in joy as the lights turned green.

_Access granted._

"Yes! You sentimental bastard!" 

Your excitement lasted a mere few seconds as you marched into the frigid room. The sight of the walls mortified you, causing you to come to an abrupt halt in the doorway. Lined up along the walls were large sheets of carbonite. There must have been at least twenty faces, contorted in either pain and anguish or nothing at all. Some were simply calm but with their eyes open. Were they... _dead?_

You were going to be sick.

You had seen carbonite before, of course. Din used to use it regularly to transport bounties. Still did every now and then. What made you sick was a combination of the sheer number of people mixed with the fact that this was Leo's cargo hold. Leo's ship. What's more, you couldn't even pretend he was a normal bounty hunter like the Mandalorian. 

_No_. One look at the rebel insignia on one of the frozen bodies told you otherwise.

He hunted...for the Empire. 

The same Empire that had taken everything from both of you. The Empire that had destroyed your lives. The Empire that had beaten the both of you to bloody pulps as teenagers. That Empire.

The same Empire that everyone claimed no longer existed. You knew better than that.

The room was spinning. Your stomach was turning. You needed to get out of here. Where would you go? No clue. It didn't matter. You needed to run far away from-

"I really wish you would've listened like a good girl, Princess."

The sound of Leo's voice, void of all emotion, stilled you. You wanted to cry. Scream. Run. Fight. 

Only problem? Your legs wouldn't fucking move.

He took a few heavy steps forward towards you and you hesitantly turned your head to look at him. His gaze was cold, only a slight hint of guilt hidden in the depths of stormy grey. He was a predator. You? Now the prey.

"You always had a problem following directions, didn't you? Couldn't just stay out of the one fucking room I told you not to go into. No. You had to march your happy ass in here uninvited."

"Leo-"

"Nope. None of that shit. I told you not to come in here for a reason, Princess. You didn't fucking listen. Now, I have to do something I really didn't want to do." He let out an agitated sigh. "Do you have any idea how much I did for you? How much fucking effort I put into you not being dragged into this shit?"

_What the hell was he talking about?_

"You're the one that let me come on board. What do you-"

"Not what I'm talking about, Princess. You see those two empty slots over there?"

A knot formed in your throat as you turned. Sure as shit, there were two empty spaces in the row. 

"Wanna guess who those are for?"

You yelped at his close proximity, having been too distracted by the carbonite to notice that he was right beside you. His hand grabbed your arm, holding a firm and painful grip on you. You wiggled and yanked, bruising your own arm further, in a feeble attempt to break free. You impulsively swung your knee up, tearing a growl out of him as it collided with his crotch.

He pushed you against the ground. "You little fucking bitch."

Your torso made sharp contact with the edge of a box and you hissed in pain. You barely had time to respond when your hair was roughly grabbed and he yanked you backward. You thrashed around, trying desperately to grab hold of something and break free. It was useless. The only thing it did was anger him more and he flung you like a rag doll against the wall. 

You heard a sick crunch and then a sharp pain in your ribs. He must have broken one because the entire area was throbbing and your chest hurt. He threw you to the ground once more and you stayed put this time. You were low on energy and in immense pain. He was stronger than you. Faster than you. Bigger than you. 

He had you severely outmatched.

"L-Leo, why are you doing this?"

You looked up at him through blurry vision and he sighed, reaching into his pocket and tossing something in front of you. A tracking fob.

_Fuck_. That's what the shiny thing you'd caught a glimpse of before was.

"Get it now? Look, Princess, I'll spell it out for you. I work for the Empire. Well, what's still left of it anyway. I hunt things. People, if necessary. Most of these people are on ice just for their bounties. It's a side job, really. Nobody cares what I do as long as I deliver. They know how good I am, though. So, someone high up gave me an important mission. Your Mandalorian. Well, the child actually. The Mandalorian will be a profitable bonus."

"I thought those were only used for people with a bounty on their head?"

You were dozing in and out of consciousness but you wanted to get more information out of him. He always was a talker. 

He ended up responding, "Tracking fobs are typically used for bounties, yeah. Didn't you listen? This one isn't attached to your Mandalorian. Did you forget how he found out about the child?"

_Right._

_So, it wasn't attached to Din. Only the child._

"Why?"

This one was a personal question and he sighed, genuinely upset at the question. "You got out, Princess. Some of us never did. I had to do what I had to-"

"You don't have to hurt an innocent child! Or his caretaker-"

"You mean your lover? Ha. Hurting him will be _so_ fucking good. You know, my plan was so nice and thoughtful. I was going to get you away from him. Then, I'd put him in a slab of carbonite and give the baby to the boss. Easy. The Mandalorian would fetch a good price given all the people he's pissed off. Hell, maybe the boss might even want him. Or, I could keep him as a trophy. Either way, you were gonna be safe. I was gonna keep you around with me. I actually kinda missed you after you left me. Now? Now I don't have a fucking choice but to put you into that other empty slot. You fucking ruined everything, Princess."

"No, you ruined it, Leo. You could've been a good man. You could've made good choices-"

"Do you have any fucking idea what that Mandalorian does for a living? Don't act all high and mighty, Y/N. He's a weapon. A fucking machine. He does the same exact thing I do."

"But he saved that child. He's a good man. He saved that child and I won't let you give him to those people. He's as innocent as we were, Leo. Don't you remember? We-"

"Do I remember? Do I fucking remember? Shut the hell up. I remember every fucking second. Every fucking hit. Every fucking bloody wound. I got sliced by a fucking lightsaber. What did you go through after you left, huh? Did you start a nice little babysitting gig? Get knocked up by a 'good man'? That's rich."

You flinched at his words. He wasn't wrong. He'd gone through far worse torture than you'd ever endured. It was easy for you to claim that he'd had a choice when you hadn't been through the same thing. 

Who were you to judge him?

Then again, he didn't know half of what you'd been through.

"I'm sorry."

He knelt down beside your bruised form, pulling a lock of your hair between his fingers. "Don't pity me. If you're gonna be sorry then be sorry for making this a more difficult mission. For coming into this room. For fucking that damn Mandalorian. Be sorry for making this harder than it needed to be."

You were about to respond when he continued. "I hope you know I meant every word earlier. I'm gonna rip the fucking helmet off his head and fucking slice his throat. Then, I'm gonna melt down that tin can he holds so precious. Gonna melt it down and sell it to-"

You spit on his face. Right between his brows. A big wad of saliva was trickling down his nose.

"Fuck you, Leo. Don't you dare talk about him like that. His way of life may not make a bit of sense to you but he's ten times the man you are. At least he knows right from wrong."

His eyes were half lidded and he smirked, wrapping his fingers around your throat. He squeezed. Hard. Hard enough to make your vision go spotty and blurry again. He lifted you by your throat and pressed you against the wall, your feet dangling beneath you.

"Then why the fuck did you come crawling to me? You think he'd defend you like you're defending him? Not a fucking chance. He's not gonna love you like you want him to. No way in-"

"Take your hands off of her."

The both of you stilled at the sound of an angry modulated voice. Leo's grip on your throat tightened, but it wasn't the worst pain you were feeling. Your ribs were throbbing, your back on fire, and your lower stomach? Well, that was cramping like no other. You weren't nauseous but it was equally as bad, if not worse. Your hands reached up in an attempt to free your throat from his grasp and he smacked you against the wall.

"You look like just the man I needed to see. You come back for this one here? I'm surprised. I didn't think you Mandalorians were fucking sentimental."

"I won't say it again. Take your hands off of her."

You whimpered, your entire torso in sharp, stinging pain. You had stopped struggling once he'd whacked you against the metal that last time. You were in too much pain to try to move. Instead, your focus was dead set on Din. 

A million questions were running through your head and, though you hadn't meant to, you voiced the first one. "What are you doing here?"

Your voice was raspy, and your throat stung as you spoke. Leo's grip was too tight. It felt as if your trachea would be crushed any second. He didn't care. He just stared down the other bounty hunter and glared, "Just couldn't stay away, could you? Funny. I was gonna chase you down but here you made it so much easier for me. I should be thanking you-"

"Warm or cold?"

Leo looked confused. So were you, to be honest. "Huh?"

"I can take you in warm or cold. Your choice."

"I should be saying that to you, Mandalorian. I'm the one hunti-"

"Then we're hunting each other. I don't intend to let you leave here unless it's in a block of carbonite. Now, are you going to listen to what I said? Or should I take the other two fingers off that hand?"

You watched Leo flinch and then cried out when his knee made contact with your stomach. "Laugh it up, tin can. I could just as easily leave here with you breathing and her dead. Makes no difference to me."

_Ouch_. That one hurt you this time. Could he really mean that? After everything you'd been through together? Did you mean so little to your old friend? What kind of man had the Empire turned him into?

You grabbed the hand that was around your throat and he grunted in response, never taking his eyes off Din. "What is it, Princess?"

"W-Why?"

He huffed, "Why? How cliché, Princess. There's a lot of reasons why. I mean-"

He loosened his grip slightly and you greedily gulped in air, coughing before speaking. "No. If I mean nothing to you then why am I the password to the cargo hold?"

He stilled. Your question had clearly caught him off guard and he turned toward you in surprise. "What?"

Your saddened gaze met steel grey, "The password. It's Princess in numeric code. You could've picked anything so...why?"

He opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by the sound of a blaster. Taking full advantage of the distraction, Din had pulled out the weapon and expertly aimed it for Leo's head. Surprisingly, he'd missed. Well, he'd missed Leo's head, anyway. 

"You fucking piece of shit!" 

Leo shoved you against the wall, holding a blaster of his own at your trembling form. His shoulder was bleeding furiously and he was fuming. That was probably going to be a new scar to add to his collection.

"Leave her-"

"Alone? Let her go? Fuck that, asshole. You shoot at me again and I'm putting a hole in her pretty face. Actually, better yet," His aim lowered to your aching torso, "How's that?"

You knew the implications and whimpered, "L-Leo, stop this. You can go. Leave us-"

"Cyar'ika."

The nickname made you stiffen and you ignored the throbbing pain in your stomach. Your wet gaze flickered to the armor-clad man. Seeing him again was a shock. He still looked the same. Did he look the same under the helmet? You'd have no way of ever knowing, but you suspected he looked tired under there. Breaking away from that, you stared at him. The sweet name he'd called you wasn't just for comfort. You could tell. Underneath it was a silent question. He could probably tell how important Leo was to you. After all, you'd attempted to appeal to his heart to get him to stop. It was blatantly obvious you'd known him before today. So, the name was a request.

_Will you be okay if he dies here?_

You grimaced, both in physical and emotional pain. "Leo, please. Stop this. Stop all of this. Helping the Empire. Hunting people for sport-"

"Again. How is it any fucking different from what he does? Do you realize how hypocritical you sound, Princess? You've been shacked up, playing house with another killer. What would've been the difference with me?"

You knew what he was asking. Both men had their similarities. Maybe that's what had drawn you to them. Both were good at implying questions. Both were strong. Both knew you well. You loved both.

You loved one more, though.

Leo must have seen it on your face and he pressed the blaster deeper into your stomach. "You couldn't just make this easy for me, could you? You had to go and fall for this tin can. The hell is so special about him anyway? You've never even seen his fucking face."

He was right. You'd never seen Din's face. You'd only felt it once. Did it matter? You were curious, sure, but you'd felt him. _All of him_. You knew the man he was. He was a good man with even better intentions. He was rough around the edges but, beneath that, he was a warmth that surrounded you. He did everything in his power to keep you and the child safe. He cared.

He'd hurt you. That much was certain. He'd probably never intended to, but he had. Could you erase that pain? No. In the heat of the moment, he'd said things to you that shattered you. He'd never threatened to shoot you, though. He'd never put you in physical danger. He'd begged you to stay when you'd disappeared this most recent time. Begged. The old Din would have never done that. He'd grown immensely and, if you were honest with yourself, you had too. 

You were both slowly learning how to communicate with each other. You didn't need to see him to know he cared. You could feel it in the way he'd changed.

"I don't need to. What difference would it make? I've seen yours and you aren't half the man I thought you were. I trusted you. I grew up with you, Leo. We spent years trapped by the Empire together and here you are, no better than them. He's a million times the man you could ever fucking hope to be and-"

Smack.

Rather than shooting you, he hit you beneath the chin with the blaster. The impact knocked your head back against the wall and you heard a crunch. Everything hurt. Your stomach was on fire. Your head was throbbing. Your heart was aching.

Your eyes slid shut and everything went black.

* * *

When you woke back up, your vision was spotty. You were in unimaginable pain, slumped against the floor. You grasped at your abdomen, curling into a fetal position and blinking a couple times. 

Where were you?

The sound of metal on metal made your head turn. Between the spots, you could faintly make out what appeared to be Din pressed against the wall of the cargo hold. He was bleeding from his leg, elbow pressed up against Leo's throat as he tried to push the larger man off him. 

The only injury you could make out on Din was that wound on his leg. Everything else that could be wrong was covered by clothing and armor. It was easier for you to assess the damage done to Leo. His lip was busted, nose bleeding as he kept a firm grip on the Mandalorian. There was a bruise on his cheekbone and the same blaster wound from before on his shoulder. 

Clearly, they were too evenly matched.

The thought had you worried. If they were on equal footing when it came to fighting, then it only made logical sense that the larger man would have the advantage, right? That was Leo. Then again, Din had the beskar so maybe it wasn't such a difference. Though, if you were honest, the beskar left that usually lovely gap, right at his jugular. It'd be a perfect shot if Leo could get to it. 

_Fuck_. 

Your vision was still blurry but you squinted to look closer. You noticed that neither man was holding a blaster and you took a second to look around. One, most likely Leo's, was all the way across the room and had slid between those two empty spaces for carbonite. You shivered when you caught a glimpse of the frozen bodies surrounding the gap. 

_Where was the other blaster?_

It hurt so badly to move, but you forced yourself. Fingers still clutching desperately at your torso, you pushed yourself out of the curled up position, only for the top of your head to make contact with something.

_Bingo_.

Your gaze lifted and you caught sight of the shiny object beside you. This one was definitely Din's. The grip was wooden and the metal was far more weathered. You reached slowly for it, stopping instantly when you heard Din yell out in pain.

You looked back to the battle, a worried expression present on your face when you saw a knife sticking out of his side. Leo had gotten him right between beskar plates, the knife sharp enough to easily slice through thick leather. They were on the floor now, Leo's arm wrapped around Din's throat and you watched in terror as Din attempted to defend himself. Leo was too quick. He pinned the arm down with his boot and tightened the grip around the Mandalorian's throat. 

The image took you back. Back to when you'd watched a larger, more mature man hold Leo down in the same way. Back to when you'd both suffered at the hands of terrible men. Back to when Leo was on the same side as you. The trauma had stuck with him. Whereas you had pushed the memories back, Leo had clearly let them control him. He'd let them turn him into the same kind of evil you'd both sworn to never become. 

Then again, he hadn't had much of a choice, had he? 

You'd escaped. Sort of. He hadn't. 

The thought made tears fill your already blurry vision. The young man you'd previously loved was gone. Long gone. In his place was a tortured enemy, intent on doing whatever it took to stay alive. Even at the cost of his own soul. 

The sound of Din choking shook you and you whimpered, drawing both men's attention. Leo's eyes were wide, gaze resting on the blaster in your hand. He let go of his current opponent, just in time to be knocked down by your shot.

A perfect shot.

As it turned out, he had been right. You were a natural. Even in the midst of battle, painful memories flooding your mind, you hit him right in the head. Dead center.

His body fell back and you sobbed as his lifeless body collided with the cold, metal floor. You cried more when you saw the large puddle of blood beneath the back of his head. Then, louder when you heard the whisper of a pained, modulated voice.

"Cyar'ika?"


	15. This Isn't Fair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER:
> 
> This chapter mostly contains the topic of miscarriage and mentions the death that occurred last chapter. I'm sure you guys saw this coming after last chapter. I want to say thank you again for letting me continue this story as originally intended. This chapter was written during a hard time in my life and it was an incredible coping mechanism. I'm not telling you guys that for empathy, I'm only letting you know so you understand the portrayal. People experience this kind of loss differently, so this is just one example. Hopefully, the sadness of this chapter won't bring you guys down. I swear that's not my intention.
> 
> A/N: 
> 
> We're currently in very angsty territory but I swear it gets better from here. These two have a lot to work out but happy times are coming T_T I love you guys and I hope you have an amazing day (even though I'm torturing you)! I'll see you next week~

**This Isn't Fair.**

* * *

You didn't look at him when he attended to your wounds. He was directly in your line of sight as he gently lifted your chin, but you couldn't see him. You hadn't the slightest clue where you were, but you weren't in that room with him. You were numb, completely unaware of your surroundings. Hell, you couldn't even feel his touch as he worked on you.

Din was quiet, too. He didn't know what to say. What could he say? He didn't have the faintest idea what you were feeling. He'd killed men before, sure. It was a frequent occurrence in his line of work. He'd never killed a friend, though. Didn't have many he could kill, if he were honest with himself. He'd never killed someone that he'd held any sort of attachment to. 

Sure, he'd lost his family when he was a child but, after learning a bit more about you today, he assumed...so had you.

Your arm was still clutching your midsection and, though you weren't really aware enough for him to ask, he assumed you'd been injured. So, he pulled softly at your hand, only to let out a noise when you cried out and kicked him backward.

_That hurt._

He hit the door to the bathroom. Hard. The collision forced him to put pressure on his injured leg and he winced. Then, because he winced, it caused a chain reaction that made him clutch at his side. Looking up at you, he instantly noticed tears falling down your cheeks.

Your chest was heaving and you hyperventilated as you clutched more firmly at your lower stomach. The touch had woken you from whatever trance you'd been in and you could feel everything now. All of the sudden you were exhausted. Exhausted and nauseous.

You hopped off the counter, legs wobbling as you dropped to the floor. Your knees hit hard and you curled yourself over the toilet. Good thing he had brought you into the bathroom because you were about to let go of everything in your pained stomach.

You threw up three times. The third time it was all bile, mixed with a small amount of blood. It would've concerned you more, had you not been in so much damn pain. You dropped your forehead against the metal and took in a couple painful breaths.

You cried. Cried more than you ever had in your life. You didn't even know a person could let go of that many tears. How was it even possible for your body to store that much fluid? 

Then, you felt it. A warmth in between your legs. It was a foreign feeling you hadn't felt in months and you couldn't remember it ever feeling like that. You were bleeding. At first it didn't concern you. Of course you'd start your period whilst you were in the middle of puking and crying. What better a time than when you were already miserable?

_Period?_

Your mind finally caught up and your eyes went wide. You couldn't be on your period. You were pregnant. 

Weren't you?

Your entire midsection and lower back were throbbing as you came to the realization. You weren't pregnant.

_Not anymore._

Your entire body went rigid as you stared blankly at the vomit in the toilet. It wasn't until he spoke that you remembered you weren't alone in the bathroom.

"Y/N?"

Your head whipped up and you stared at him with terrified eyes. You were hyperventilating again. Tears were flowing down your cheeks in massive waves. Your lip was quivering as you stared up at the concerned man.

"G-Get out."

He stilled and took a tentative step toward you. A big mistake on his part. 

"Get out! Get out of the fucking bathroom! Get out! Get out! Get out!"

Your screams got louder and, though he didn't want to, he obliged. He slid the door open, taking one last concerned look at your mortified form, before stepping out and closing the door. 

Your cries echoed throughout the entire Razor Crest that night. He didn't know what to say. Hell, he wasn't even sure what all was going on. He attributed your cries to the recent death of your friend but, if he was really thinking about it, he knew that couldn't be all that was going on. There had to be more to it. Your cries were those of agony. Anguish and more than just physical pain. A loss greater than what he'd witnessed.

Neither he nor the child slept that night either. 

They stayed awake in the cockpit. Din was attempting to bandage himself and it was going terribly. He lacked the dexterity that your nimble fingers had. He'd tried to wrap his leg first but the bending down killed his ribs. So, instead, he tried tackling the wound on his side. It was deep and he let out a few curses as he took off his armor and lifted his arms. He pulled his shirt up slowly, hissing in pain when the material rubbed against the wound. 

This was so much harder when he had to do it himself.

He reminded himself to thank you for always patching him up as he sprayed bacta on the injury. That hurt too. How did even that feel better when you did it? How did everything feel better when you were around? How was it possible that simply your presence made his body hurt less? 

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice you through the open door of the cockpit. Your hand was still clutching at your stomach, eyes red and puffy as you slowly stepped towards your bag. 

Neither of you noticed as the baby waddled towards you, a little arm outstretched in your direction. 

The only thing you noticed at first was the loss of the ache in your body. The nausea was gone. Your chin was the only thing still throbbing. It was a much more manageable pain and your brows furrowed slightly. You still weren't fully aware of your surroundings. At least, not until you heard the quiet noise of the green toddler. Your eyes widened as a small thump sounded.

"Kid!"

You turned just as Din hobbled towards the sleeping child, kneeling down slowly. "Is he okay?"

The helmet whipped towards you and he stilled, hands hovering above the baby. It was like time was frozen. The two of you simply stayed like that, staring at each other in equally the same amount of shock. Neither of you said a word. 

At least, until the Mandalorian clutched at his side and let out a groan of pain. "Din?"

He lifted his head again, just as you were kneeling beside him. Though your eyes were bloodshot, the concern in them was still present. After everything you had just gone through, you were still worried about him. Maker, that sight made him weak.

Well, weaker than he already was.

He didn't have time to respond before you were wrapping his arms around your shoulder, pulling him up with you so that you could both make your way back into the cockpit. He kept most of his weight off his bad leg, leaning on you for more support than he would have liked. You were unfazed. Instead, you were focused on sitting him down.

"Just wait for a second, okay? I'm going to put the baby down and then I'll be back."

You went to move and he grabbed your hand, holding you in place. "I'm sorry."

Your body went still as you stared at him in confusion. "What?"

"Your friend. I know it hurt you. I'm sorry."

Your jaw clenched as you fought another wave of tears. How could you tell him? How could you tell him that, though you were sad that it had come to that, the real reason you were screaming was something far worse? How could you tell him that you were suffering a different kind of loss? How could you tell him that your heart was a special kind of broken? 

How could you tell him you had no doubt lost the baby he'd never known you were carrying?

He tilted his head, "Cyar'ika?"

Your heart hammered against your chest and you looked down to find your hand clutching far too tightly at his. He didn't seem bothered by it, only confused. You pressed your lips together in a line and nodded as you pulled away.

"It'll be fine. I'll get over that."

_That?_

You could feel his curious gaze from beneath the helmet and you inwardly yelled at yourself for slipping up. You couldn't lie to him, that much you knew. This wasn't lying, though. _Right?_ It was simply withholding information. You could handle that. You couldn't tell him. Wouldn't tell him.

No, you'd rather carry the burden yourself.

"I'll be right back."

He watched your back as you stumbled awkwardly out of the room, picking up the baby and walking off. _Strange._ You seemed surprised by his apology. As if you had been expecting him to say sorry for something else. Maybe you were still in shock. No, that wasn't it. He could always tell when you were lying. Even if it wasn't verbal. This time was no different. The only difference now, was that he hadn't the slightest clue what you could by lying about.

It took you a little while to come back. It hadn't been your intention. You'd originally planned to grab more bandages and bacta spray from the bathroom but you'd had to change your pants and underwear. The blood had seeped through both articles of clothing earlier and you opted to throw them away. That way, you'd never have to be reminded of what had happened. 

Well, until you walked back into the cockpit and laid eyes on the Mandalorian.

Simply the sight of him reminded you. It made your heart hurt and your lower belly ache again. Neither was actual pain, more an imaginary feeling that came with your tortured mental state. He was staring at you again and you were certain he was going to notice how weird you were being. 

So, you forced a smile and stepped beside him. "Sorry, I had to...take care of something first."

_That was vague._

Your gaze flickered and you finally noticed that he was halfway shirtless. "O-Oh! Is this okay? I didn't even realize that you were-"

"It's fine."

His voice was stiff, uncomfortable even, and you tried not to stare as you worked on the injury. Your fingers were trembling as you brushed them against the warmth of his ribcage and he winced when you came directly above the jagged cut.

"Leo really did a number on you. I'm so sorry."

The heavy apology made him sigh, "It's not your fault."

"It is, though. If I hadn't left then I would've never been on that ship with him. If I hadn't been on that ship with him then-"

"I was wrong."

You stopped bandaging him and stared up in confusion, "What are you talking about?"

He was silent and you wondered if maybe you'd misheard him. After a couple minutes, you continued your work. You had finally finished with the more serious wound when he spoke again.

"You're the most selfless person I know. I was wrong. What I said to you right before Trask-"

"It's fine, Din. I haven't thought about it-"

"I told you, you're a terrible liar."

It was your turn to be silent this time, and you chewed on your lip as you sprayed a layer of bacta onto his leg. "This one should heal without a bandage. You'll be fine to walk on it-"

"Talk to me."

You sighed, "What, like a story?"

"You _know_ that's not what I meant." You could hear the hurt in his voice. "Please, Cyar'ika."

You fell backwards to sit on your bottom. Lip still tugged between your teeth, you ran a shaky hand through your hair. Rather than looking directly at him, your eyes roamed his naked torso. This was the most you'd ever seen of him. You were right that he was tan. He had beautiful, golden skin and there was the faintest little bit of hair on his chest. Sure, he wasn't as fit as Leo had been, but there was still a strength to his body that you decided you liked better. Oh, and that trail of hair just above his pant line would have done wonderful things to your insides had you not been so out of it. 

Your staring must have made him uncomfortable, because he folded his arms to cover his midsection. "I really don't know what you want me to say."

His response was quick. "Anything."

"Anything? Bread on Trask is gross. Actually, food in general on Trask is gross. I don't know how or why anyone would willingly eat-"

You were interrupted by an annoyed groan. "Really?"

"You said anything." 

Your voice had come out weaker than intended. For the first time in a while, you genuinely didn't want to talk. Not even to Din. You were afraid that if you talked about anything from the last few days, it would all come out in a big flood. All your pain. All your trauma. 

You didn't want to talk about it because talking about it meant thinking about it. 

"Thank you for saving me, then."

Your eyes widened and you huffed out an emotionless laugh, "You didn't need saving. You would've been fine without me. You always are."

"No, I'm not."

The implications of his words were heavy. It was almost a silent way of telling you how he felt. How he wanted you around. Needed you around. There was nowhere in the galaxy he thought you belonged more than on this ship. With the child. With him.

The thought of being with him made you nauseous again. Not because you didn't want to be with him. Of course that wasn't the reason. Being with him was all you'd ever wanted. It was just that, now that you'd lost a piece of you that he'd helped create, you couldn't look at him without thinking about it.

You couldn't look at him without picturing what could've been. A beautiful child. A fourth member to add to this little family. The family that you had come to adore, even more than the one you'd lost as a child. 

A tear cascaded down your cheek and you whimpered, "I'm sorry."

His hand brushed your jaw and you flinched, immediately pulling away. Even his touch made you queasy. You heard him let out a sigh and it was one you hadn't heard before. Maybe...sadness laced with disappointment? _No._

_Pain_ mixed with disappointment.

"He was right."

That caught your attention and you looked up at him again, "Who? Leo?"

He shook his head, "No. That Sullustan. I never do anything to make you want to stay."

"Din, if this is about what you said to me before Trask-"

"It's more than that, Cyar'ika. Your nightmares. Are they really that wrong? You deserve better. I can't give you that."

"Din-"

He shook his head again, "Don't defend me. I scare you. I've hurt you."

The bile was rising again and you could feel the coming of another attack. Your breathing was becoming more difficult and you squeezed your eyes shut. How could you tell him that you'd already forgiven him? How could you tell him that the vicious words he'd said were gone from your mind the second he walked into that cargo hold? How could you tell him that the pain you felt wasn't caused by him?

How could you tell him that the pain was far worse than anything he could ever do to you?

You couldn't. 

You reminded yourself again. It wouldn't be fair to him. He was going to lose either way, but at least he wouldn't know the pain of losing a child. You could carry this burden alone. This pain you felt was excruciating and if you could spare him from the same, then you'd do it in a heartbeat. So, you stayed silent. You remained quiet until he rose from the seat and started for the door.

"We'll talk about it. Someday." You were a liar. "I just need time. Please?"

He paused at the doorway and you watched as the beskar glinted in the light. It surrounded him as he turned. Almost like a halo. The picture was so stunning it made your heart skip. He gave you a nod and, with armor in hand and shirt pulled back down, he left you alone in the room with the door shutting behind him.

You sighed and laid back on the cool, steel floor. Absentmindedly rubbing at your empty womb, you stared at the ceiling. You were torn. You wanted to be alone, but being alone meant getting lost in your own head. In tortured thoughts. Being with Din? The same. More tortured thoughts. He was going to lose either way, and so were you. There was no outcome of this where the both of you were happy. 

"I wonder what you would've been like. Quiet? Like your dad? Or maybe you'd talk too much like your mom? Maker, you'd have been perfect. So fucking perfect."

Your eyes slipped closed and you smiled softly as an image invaded your thoughts. The image of a beautiful little boy with messy brown hair and eyes like yours. He was running ahead of you, hand in yours as he smiled brightly. His other hand was wrapped by a larger one. A familiar hand. 

_Din's._

Only, instead of armor, he was wearing a plain shirt and pants. He was facing away from you but you saw a similar head of messy brown waves. The little boy was laughing and, as you looked down, you saw another child laughing. A familiar small, green toddler giggling as you ran with him pressed against your body. 

Then, everything was falling apart. The sweet dream turned sour. There were Imperial ships surrounding you. The ground was shaking. Both children were crying and you struggled as someone tried to pry the little green toddler from your arms. Turning, you recognized the sadistic smirk of Moff Gideon. 

"Did you really think you could run from me? Hide on this little planet and live happily ever after? Please, Y/N. Don't be so naive. You can't have a perfect family. There are consequences to traveling with the Mandalorian. Consequences to keeping that child from me. You will never be safe."

All of a sudden you were surrounded by bodies. Din. The sweet little boy.

You bolted upright, sweating and crying as you sucked in a breath. The nightmare had felt so real. 

_But it wasn't._

You weren't running through a field on a beautiful planet. You weren't holding the baby. You had never seen Din without his helmet. You didn't have a child.

You took a deep breath and rubbed at your stomach again, a smile resting on your lips. "I would have loved you. I _do_ love you."

It didn't hurt any less. The ache was still there. In your abdomen and your heart. Your mind was a mess. Still, you couldn't help but think to yourself.

_Maybe...it's better this way._


	16. Piece Us Back Together, Slowly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER:
> 
> Not sure if I need to put this at the beginning of every chapter now, but there are mentions of miscarriage in this chapter. On the bright side? We're starting the healing process, folks! 
> 
> Sorry if this chapter is a little short. It's still got a lot of emotion in it, though, so I think you guys can let it slide XD I probably won't post a bonus chapter of this story this week on Thursday, but I will definitely see you next week! Smooches~
> 
> Updated 1/19/21: The next chapter was already written but tbh I don't love how it turned out. Soooo I'll be taking this week off probably, unless I can fix it by Thursday. Sorry for the slight break but I promise it'll be worth the wait!

**Piece Us Back Together, Slowly.**

* * *

The sight of carbonite had always made your stomach churn, and this was no exception. The two of you were headed to Navarro, back to see Greef Karga. It was going to take a day or two so, currently, you were standing in front of a block. A block with a familiar face in it.

"It wasn't your fault."

You didn't look at him when he spoke, opting to stare still at the frozen form of your old friend. "I shot him, didn't I? That wound in his head is from my hand."

"It's never that simple."

You gave him a shrug and stepped closer to the carbonite. Your hand was raised and you ran the tips of your fingers across the outline of his cheek. Then, down to where his heart would be. You took another step forward and rested your forehead gently on the sheet. 

"You loved him. Didn't you?"

It was a selfish question. Din had so many questions about your time with Leo. It had been days since you'd left the Razor Crest, but it had felt like an eternity to the Mandalorian. So, the bigger question remained. 

Why did you stay on his ship but not Din's?

"I loved Leo a long time ago. We met after we'd both been captured by the Empire. A smaller faction that were more in tune with the idea of capturing their slaves instead of creating them. I had already been there for a while when Leo showed up. They had already taken off his fingers."

You ran your hand further down to make contact with the covered flesh, before continuing. "He was a little older than me. Funny, now that I think about it, I never actually asked how old he was. I just know that I was fourteen or so and he wasn't much bigger than me at the time. Anyway, he didn't get along with anyone. He'd fight and yell. Constantly got on everyone's nerves. He paid for it, too. The hand was probably a result of him talking back before. Bruises all the time. Even a blaster wound once."

Your eyes were closed and you didn't give Din any time to speak before you kept going. "It was a lot of manual labor. Nothing very exciting. There were a lot of families, though. I didn't think it was common but it made it easier to keep everyone in line, I guess. There was a small group of us that didn't have that. We were captured alone. No family left. It was harder to keep us in line. Maybe that's why, after a while, Leo and I were the only ones left out of that group."

"Cyar'ika-"

You cut him off, not wanting to hear whatever he was about to try to comfort you with. "I left him. He was my family after I got captured and I left him. They started selling some of the women. I think I was like nineteen at this point. You ever been to a slave trade? Young women sell for a lot of money if you find the right kind of buyer. So, then it was just Leo."

You turned toward him this time, his helmet directed right at your watering eyes. "The Leo you saw, the one I shot...wasn't the Leo I knew. I don't care what that tracking fob says. I saw enough on that ship to know that they broke him fully after that. I know you had a job to do and this is fine for you but-"

"Fine for me?"

His tone was sour and you furrowed your brows. "You're used to seeing this, Din. Used to-"

"Seeing you cry?"

You shook your head, "The carbonite-"

"I'm used to doing that myself. Not having to rely on someone else. Not having to watch you cry as you shoot someone that you shouldn't have had to shoot. That was my job, Cyar'ika. Not yours."

"So you're mad that you didn't get to shoot him yourself?"

"No. Yes. No but yes."

He didn't elaborate and you glared at him. He was terribly awful at trying to comfort you, if that was even what he was attempting to do. You heaved out an angry sigh and took a few steps, moving to walk past him and out of the room. His hand gently grabbed your arm.

You narrowed your eyes as you turned your head. "Is that why you never taught me how to use a blaster?"

"What?"

The question must have caught him off guard. "Is that why? Is it because you didn't want anyone helping you with your bounties? Is it because it doesn't do anything for you if you haven't caught it yourself? Is it-"

"Stop."

"No, I want to know! Is that it, Din? Do you get a raging hard on after you capture someone? But not when someone helps you? Does it-"

"Stop!"

He yelled it this time, uncharacteristic of his usual demeanor. He grabbed your other arm, pushing you softly against the wall. He caged you in, not letting you move, as he pressed his forehead against yours. It was an intimate move, considering you had just been screaming insults at him.

"Din, what are you-"

"Besides credits, I get nothing out of bounty hunting anymore. It was a purpose. A job. Never my life. It doesn't make me feel whole, Cyar'ika. It's an empty profession, driven by a desire to do something productive. You should know me better than that by now."

He was right. You did know him better than that. You had basically told Leo the same thing. Din was a good man. With even better intentions. His way of life was different from the norm, but he was wholeheartedly a good man all the same.

You let out a shaky breath, "I'm sorry."

"I never taught you how to use a blaster because I never wanted you to have to use one. I had no intentions of ever making you shoot someone. I would never put that on you. You should have never needed to defend yourself. Or me. That's my job. I should have been able to protect you."

It all made so much more sense to you now. He got mad at you every time you did something to put yourself in danger. When you had gone off with Forn and then thought for a split second that he was dangerous. When you had run off into that disgusting slime cave to retrieve Din's armor. When you went with the frog woman into the hot spring. When you ran off on your own on Trask. 

Every instance that he was saying hurtful things wasn't fueled by actual anger...it was fueled by fear.

Sure, it still wasn't healthy. You knew that. Even so, it made something ache in your chest. The thought that he only got angry when it was instigated by his own personal fear made you...happy? That _definitely_ wasn't healthy. 

Maker, you two were so broken. 

But, maybe that was what worked?

You pulled your arms out of his gentle grip, raising your hands to press them to the sides of his helmet. You pressed your forehead harder against his and then leaned up to kiss the metal. Once. Twice. Three times. You didn't want to stop. It wasn't his mouth but it was as good as it. It was still him. With the helmet on, it was still his face. 

"I'm sorry I ran. Again."

He didn't move. "You had every reason to. If you want...I know you said you wanted to settle down."

Was he asking you what you thought he was asking you?

Your eyes watered as he continued, "So, I'll take you wherever you want. Any planet. Name it."

_Wait_. What about the baby? He couldn't settle down before taking the child where he belonged.

"I'll drop you off. I won't drag you-"

"Stop."

Your entire body was shaking. Your chest hurt. Your eyes were watery. Your lower stomach was sharp with that familiar phantom pain again. 

He wasn't asking what you'd thought he'd been asking. 

Your palms dropped to his chest and you pushed, ignoring his grunt of pain as you stumbled out of his grasp. Then, you whipped around to point a finger at him. It was shaky, just like the rest of you.

"You think that's what I want? You think, after all of this, that I don't want to be with you?"

"Why were you so upset last night?"

The question cut deep and you averted your gaze. "I told you we'd talk about it someday-"

"You're a terrible liar."

"Don't ask me questions that I'm not ready to answer and I won't have to lie."

This was ridiculous. It was like you were on trial and he was interrogating you. Why couldn't he just let the both of you be happy in the moment? 

"What are you hiding?"

Silence. This time it was you refusing to speak. Your lips were pressed in a firm line, tears falling down your cheeks. You'd promised yourself that you wouldn't tell him. You'd promised that you'd bear the pain on your own. 

"S-Stop asking. Please."

His body was still and your tears kept falling. "You're keeping something from me, Y/N."

You hated that. You didn't want him to call you that. Anything else. He could call you anything besides your actual name. Mesh'la. Cyar'ika. 

What had Bo-Katan said? 

_Riduur_.

"Please, Din…"

"Don't hurt you?"

The reminder of your nightmares was like a blaster wound to your chest and you whimpered. "Just stop asking, please. I-I can't talk about it. Please. Anything else."

"The only person hurting you is yourself, now. I'm asking what's wrong. You won't answer."

That wasn't fair. He always did the same. Whenever he was angry, he'd storm off into the cockpit and ignore you. Who the hell was he to reprimand you for the same?

You glared at him, "Fuck you. That's what you do every time. Hypocrite."

"And you hate me for it."

"Hate you? Is that what you think? I just kissed you and you think I hate you?"

"Yes."

You wanted to rip your hair out and you couldn't stop the pouring out of secrets. "You think I hate you? I don't hate you, Din. _I love you_. I love you more than anything else in this fucking galaxy. When I was with Forn, all I thought about was you. When you went into that dragon's mouth, I was terrified. When I left you on Trask, I watched you to make sure you were okay. I called Bo-Katan to ask her to help you when you went onto that stupid ship. When I was with Leo, all I thought about was you. About how nobody else compares. About how the only person who could ever make me feel whole was a damn Mandalorian that I don't understand. The only man I could ever completely give myself to...is you."

Silence. He was so still after the confession, that part of you could have believed he was a droid that had been shut off.

"I gave everything to you, Din. Does that mean nothing to you?"

His voice was quiet, probably barely registered by that modulator. "You shouldn't."

_That's it?_ That was all he was going to say? You'd all but poured your heart out to him and all he had to say was that you shouldn't love him? 

You were numb. "Okay."

"Okay?"

His question sounded pained and you nodded slowly, "Okay. You don't want me to love you. You don't want me to be with you. You don't want me in the way I want you. What should I say? Should I cry some more? Would it make a difference? Would you care? Would it make you love me if I fell to the floor and cried? No. It wouldn't. Nothing I do will ever make you love me. You won't let yourself."

"Cya-"

"I was pregnant."

The announcement stopped him. You'd told yourself that you would carry the pain on your own. That you'd keep it from him to save him the heartache. That you'd put the burden on you, rather than the both of you. 

If he wasn't willing to love you then why would you keep protecting him? 

"I was pregnant. That's what I wouldn't tell you. The big secret you wanted to know so badly. I was pregnant and...now I'm not."

He was in disbelief, barely choking out a response. "W-What are you-"

"I said what I said. I was pregnant. I lost the baby. When I was screaming at you in the bathroom. You know, I wanted everything. With you. I would've kept it, too. Wherever I was going to go. Whatever planet I was going to stay on. I would've stayed there with that baby. It would've been a permanent reminder of everything I feel for you. It's gone now." 

Silence. He didn't say anything. What could he say? Sorry? Could he take back what he had said just a few minutes ago? When he'd offered to drop you off on a planet? When he'd told you not to love him? 

_No_. He couldn't. Not now.

"I plan to see this through, you know? Now that I'm here, I'm keeping my word. What I said to you back on Tatooine. I'll stay until you get that baby back to where he belongs. If he isn't already where he belongs."

You gave an uncertain smile and turned around, walking out of the room and leaving him to swim in his own thoughts.

* * *

The second you walked out it was like you took the air with you. Din's entire body was still. Lungs frozen. Even his heart felt like it wasn't beating. 

He'd never been so cold in his life. Not even that first time he'd held you, when you'd pulled him out of his frozen state.

There was a loud ringing in his ears, reverberating in the confines of his helmet. It was like it was mocking him. The noise was deafening and only got louder the longer he stood there. The room was so quiet but his mind was so loud.

He knew he should've chased after you. Said something. Taken back the way he'd responded to your confession of love. Comforted you.

The problem? He still couldn't move.

He was frozen in time and space, drowning in the emptiness that consumed him.

He wanted to grab you. He wanted to pull you against him. He wanted to kiss you. He wanted to comfort you as you cried. 

He wanted to feel something. Anything.

Instead, all he felt was alone.

More alone than he'd ever felt before. More than when his parents had died. More than before he'd found the child. More than before he'd met you. More than any time you'd left him.

If this was how badly he hurt, then how much pain were you in? 

He'd done a lot of things to inadvertently hurt you in the past but this surely outdid them all. He felt terrible. He hated himself. He wanted to drop you off on a random planet, maybe Navarro, and leave you alone so he could never hurt you again.

The problem?

Despite it all, he never wanted to let you go again. Couldn't. Wouldn't.

He needed you more than the air you'd taken from him. He knew that now. 

Collapsing into the pilot's seat, Din debated how to process the information he'd been given. He'd never wanted children before. Never thought about it. He'd seen far too much in his lifetime, including the loss of his own parents, so thinking about it made him more certain.

Bringing a child into this galaxy would be a mistake of the highest order.

Still, something nagging him in the back of his mind told him that, with you, he might have changed his mind.

With you, maybe he'd let himself be happy.

_Nothing I do will ever make you love me. You won't let yourself._

You were right about half of that statement. He tried not to let himself. You deserved better than he could give you. The problem?

Din had never felt anything quite like it, but he was fairly certain he already loved you. 

He had since the moment he'd met you.

* * *

As soon as you'd walked out of the room, something ran into your leg. A tiny something. A small, cute, green something. He peered up at you with those curious eyes and you smiled down at him before bending down to pick him up.

"Hey there, cutie. I've missed you."

He snuggled into your chest as you held him, cooing softly as you embraced. You were probably holding him too tight. He didn't seem to care, if you were. You didn't care either. You'd missed him. Both of them. 

You shook the thoughts of the Mandalorian from your mind and smiled again as you walked, "What do you think, handsome? Want some food?"

He looked back up at you, gurgling an affirmative as you stroked his ear. You could do this, right? You could go back to being his caretaker. You could go back to watching him when his father was gone. 

_Father_.

He could've been. Would he have wanted to? You'd never talked about it. You'd told him what you wanted out of life but he'd never told you what his plans were. They had changed since he'd learned a bit more about the child, that was for sure. Maybe that was the only thing he had planned. The only thing he wanted out of life in the moment was to get the baby back to his own kind. 

Maybe he'd had a plan all along and you weren't part of it.

You pushed the thoughts aside as you heated the broth. You'd impulsively made three. It was like second nature, cooking for Din as well. He'd never eaten in front of you, but the food you'd made was always gone when you went back. If you were to carry out your original plan of helping until the baby made his way home, then it was only natural you'd continue the way things had been before.

If only it were that simple. 

Cooking was an easy enough start, though. You poured the broth into one of the cups, handing it to the child as he sat on the counter beside you. Then, you kept heating the rest until it was actually hot. Into two more cups. Going through the motions felt almost therapeutic. It was natural and you liked that. It was easy to think about and kept you away from other more painful thoughts.

When it was done, you turned to see that the child hadn't touched his broth yet. Strange. He always ate quickly, never waiting for you. Instead, he was whining quietly and staring at the door. 

"Do you want to eat with him?"

The toddler tilted his head and gurgled at you. It sounded like an affirmative, so you sighed. You gently grabbed him and set him down on the ground, handing him his own broth. Then, you grabbed the one you'd made for Din and started towards the door.

"I don't know if he'll eat with you, but let's go find him."

You had hoped to keep a bit of distance between the two of you. Apparently, the child had other plans. How did he always know when the two of you didn't want to see each other? How did he understand the two of you well enough to know when to push you together? 

It was a mystery.

The two of you walked towards the cockpit. Stop number one on your search for the Mandalorian. This was the first stop because it was, more often than not, where he actually would be. You pressed a button to open the door and we're surprised to find it empty. 

You turned down to your small companion. "No luck here. Maybe the cargo hold?"

You really didn't want to go in there again. Every fiber of your being hated cargo holds now. For multiple reasons. Still, you reluctantly trudged on. You made it in and still no luck.

"Where did he go?"

The refresher was next. Nothing.

The baby and you both looked at each other, equally confused. Finally, you checked where you'd least expect him. The baby made a happy noise and you assumed he was able to feel the presence of his caretaker. His bed? That was definitely unlike him. 

Then again, you had just dropped a heavy bomb on him. 

Shrugging, you knocked lightly on the closed door. You got no response. _Typical._ If it had just been you, you'd have simply left the broth and turned away. The baby wasn't going to let you, though. He peered up at you curiously and you sighed, finger gently pressing against the button that opened the small area.

Sure as shit, there he was.

Fully clothed, he was laying on the bed. His fingers were laced and he was staring up at the ceiling. He definitely wasn't asleep. You'd seen him sleep before. 

"Sorry to bug you but he wouldn't eat with me. I think he wants you."

He didn't respond, didn't even move. The child made the first move. He set his own broth down and made grabby hands up toward the covered man. The helmet tilted slightly, still silent, and he reached down to grab the needy toddler. Then, the lukewarm broth. 

You peered down at the one in your hand and looked back up at him, only to find him staring at you. "This one's yours. I wasn't sure when you'd eaten last-"

"Not hungry."

You nodded slowly at his abrupt response. "Okay. How are your injuries? Do you need-"

Clink. You stared in shock as the door closed before you finished your sentence. He was shutting you out. It made sense. You weren't sure what an appropriate response was to what you had told him. You had no way of knowing whether he was sad or relieved. All you could recognize was that he didn't want to talk to you.

_Fair enough._

You set the broth down beside the door, just in case he decided later that he was hungry, and turned to go busy yourself.

* * *

The ride back to Navarro was a bumpy one. It was a silent one, too. Aside from the occasional baby noise, the cockpit was quiet. Thankfully, the flight hadn't been too long, so you hadn't had to busy yourself too much. You washed some dishes, including one untouched broth cup, and cleaned up all the blood and bandages from around the ship.

Now, you were strapped in as the three of you made your descent. More bumps. The Razor Crest was barely hanging on. You hoped that Greef Karga would be able to do something about that. The silence of the cockpit was driving you nuts, so you peeked down at the child. He looked back up at you and you thought to try something.

You covered your eyes, instantly uncovering them. "Peek-a-boo!"

He giggled and you smiled happily at him. You repeated the process a few more times, until he grew bored of it. Then, your body went rigid as your thoughts decided to torture you again.

You would have been able to do that with your own child if-

"Can you pull that lever?"

You turned to see the helmet aimed at you, staring you down. Your eyes were wide, glazed with uncried tears, and you nodded your head frantically. Your small hands removed from the child, you pulled hard on the lever he was pointing to. He could have reached it. He could have done it without your help. 

"You could have-"

"You were thinking too much. Hurting yourself again."

His voice came out as a quiet whisper and his words stilled you again. He knew he hadn't needed your help. He'd only asked to save you from yourself. To keep your mind from wandering too close to painful territory.

You let out a breathless laugh, "Thank you."

He gave you a short nod and continued with the landing. You kept your eyes on him the rest of the time. Watching as he tensely pressed buttons. He wasn't any less stiff and uncomfortable than you. It was in the way he did his daily activities. This wasn't like him. He was distracted.

Probably by the same thoughts that swarmed your mind. 


	17. Keeping Me From You.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: This chapter does mention some of the previous trauma. Nothing major, but there is still some grief associated with what happened in earlier chapters. Some slight mentions of things that people usually associate with panic attacks. If any of that is going to trigger or hurt you in any way, please don't read. I never want you guys to be miserable when you're reading...
> 
> A/N: Sorry for skipping last week's upload! I just wasn't really happy with what I had, so I needed to work on it some more. We're getting to the end of this story T_T well, this one...I'm planning a follow up story to this one that'll deal with more of what goes down in Season Two. This story has two or three more chapters left and then the next one will pick up where it leaves off. I'll probably take a brief two week break in between the stories, just to get a couple more chapters done for the next one before I start uploading it. Obviously, I'll give you guys more details as they come~

**Keeping Me From You.**

* * *

Greef Karga and Cara both greeted you when you landed this time. You were secretly grateful for the extra company. It would make it easier not to speak to Din. Though, if you were being honest, he was making it pretty easy on his own. His silence was deafening. Still, if Cara hadn't been there, Karga would have definitely noticed something was wrong between you and the other bounty hunter. 

Still, the way you exited the ship clearly had their curiosity peaked.

They stared at you with questioning gazes as you jumped off the ramp. Karga's gaze flickered between the distance that was in the middle of the two of you, baby currently in your arms. It didn't take him long to speak, and you found yourself pleasantly surprised when it wasn't a question. Instead, he made a comment about the state of the ship. 

"Looks like someone could use some repairs!"

Din walked up to the graying man and they shook hands. "How's my credit around here?"

"I think we can work something out. After all, you brought something for me."

_Something? More like someone._

You ignored the rest of their conversation as you stood off to the side. You didn't want to think about the body currently frozen in carbonite. Instead, your gaze flickered to Cara as she walked towards you. She reached out to gently touch the child's hand.

"How have you been, Y/N?"

You forced a smile, "Good. We've been good. Things look incredible, even from here. You guys have done a really good job. I didn't think Navarro would ever look like this."

She nodded and looked over to where the Mandalorian and Karga were talking. "Thanks. It hasn't been easy. Also, you're a crappy liar, you know. What's wrong with you two?"

_Shit_.

You shrugged nonchalantly. She was right. You were awful at lying and nothing about that had changed. Still, you wouldn't talk about the heavy parts of it with her. She was a friend, sure, but she wasn't close enough for that. You'd give her just enough to let it go.

"He hasn't been talking to me." A bit of truth always helped. "I left for a while. Now, I'm back. I told him I'd see this through. Help watch the child until he figures out where the little one belongs. After that…I don't know. Maybe I'll find a planet to settle down or something."

She almost looked disappointed and a part of you thought she was going to ask more questions. She didn't. What she did say surprised you.

"I'm sorry to hear that. The last time I saw the two of you, everything seemed to be going well between you two."

It was your turn for questions. "What? The last time I saw you, we were fighting against Moff Gideon and he was still saying one word to me at a time-"

"He's always been quiet. It felt different when you looked at him, though. When he said he'd take the kid to wherever he belonged. He gave you an out but you wouldn't take it. Gave him some big smile and said you'd go with him."

She was right. You'd all but forgotten about the entire moment. He'd made you go with her during that awful fight. The droid had stayed with him. You'd thought you were going to lose him and that was the exact moment that you had realized-

"I love him." She snorted and you flushed in embarrassment, sputtering out more words. "I-I didn't mean to-"

"To tell me that? You didn't need to. It was obvious anyway."

You narrowed your eyes and she laughed some more. The baby did, too. It was like he was mocking you for your stupidity. The commotion must have caught the attention of the two men, because Karga came over with a big laugh of his own.

"What's so funny?"

Cara pointed to you and you shook your head, "Cara's laughing at me because I said something stupid."

"It wasn't stupid. Just funny because you didn't mean to say it to me."

Your eyes widened as she defended you from yourself. Then again, that's what you needed now, wasn't it? Din had done it on the way here. She was doing it now.

The only person you needed saving from currently was yourself.

You rolled your eyes, a small smile on your lips. "Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up. I'm an idiot."

"I'm feeling left out of this joke!"

The older man faked a hurt look and you pulled one arm from around the baby to push at his shoulder. "Not telling. I know you wanna hold the baby anyway."

"A distraction? You always were a quick one, Y/N. Now, let me see him! Come here, little one."

You laughed softly as you handed the baby over to the older man. He held him in both hands, getting a good look at him. The image made you smile. He was like a doting grandpa, making sure the baby was in good condition.

"Have they been taking good care of you? Have you been taking good care of him?" He looked between you and Din, eyebrows rising when the baby gave a noise. "Yeah? Yeah. He said yeah. Oh yeah." 

Cara smiled at the both of you and shook her head, turning to follow and leaving the two of you alone. You didn't want to look at him, but you couldn't help yourself. You peered upward, only to find him staring off at the baby and Karga. It looked like he was lost in thought, and you assumed it was a simple case of slight jealousy.

"Relax. The kid likes you more."

Your attempt at a joke went ignored and he started walking. You let out an annoyed huff and jogged after them as they walked into town.

_Why even bother trying to talk to him?_

The three of them made small talk, talking about the state of Navarro. You zoned out as you looked around. You'd been here before with him to drop off bounties, but it hadn't been often or for very long. Most of those times, you hadn't even left the ship. The last time you'd left the ship on Navarro, well…

That was the day you and Din had-

"If the Empire couldn't settle it, what makes them think they can."

Your eyes widened at the mention of the Empire and you grimaced. It reminded you of part of the reason you were here. Your body went cold and you stopped behind them, staying still as they started walking into the old cantina. 

_Leo. The Empire. Killing him._

It all flashed through your mind in rapid succession and you felt bile coming up your throat. You wanted to vomit at the reminder. Then, the memory of vomiting made your lower abdomen sharp with pain. It was like every memory led to another and they entangled themselves in a web of agony. Your breath hitched and you almost let out a gasp.

"Y/N?" Cara's voice broke you from your thoughts again and she smiled at you. "You'll want to see the inside. Trust me."

You nodded, ignoring your racing mind, and gave her a fake smile before following her into the building. What you saw inside, floored you. At the back of the room was a droid, teaching a group of young students. The last time you'd been inside, the place was falling apart in ruins and, before that, was a mess of dirty, terrible people. Now, it was a classroom. 

Absolutely beautiful.

You beamed at Cara and she smiled back. "A school?"

"Things have changed a lot around here."

Karga moved forward with the baby, eyes fixed on Din as he spoke. "We're gonna leave the little one here so we can talk business."

The Mandalorian moved towards them, "Wait. Wherever I go, he goes."

"Mando, please. Where we're going, we don't wanna take a child. Trust me. Besides, I know that's not true. You leave him with Y/N all the time."

He looked between the two of you and then kept on moving. You watched as he set the boy down towards the front of the classroom. If you were being honest, the thought of leaving him here made you just as nervous as it did the Mandalorian. You bit your lip and looked up at Karga as he came back.

"Can I stay?"

The question must have surprised everyone, and all three looked at you in surprise. You thought about it as they stared you down. Had you ever requested to stay behind before? _Never_. You always went with the armor-clad man when you came off the ship. Even during that big battle the last time. Cara had to basically drag you away from him when he was sitting there bleeding out. It was completely out of the norm for you to want to be apart from him.

"No."

The voice surprised you. It was modulated, firm in tone. The sound of a very stubborn Mandalorian. One that wouldn't negotiate.

Cara cleared her throat awkwardly, "He'll be fine here. You have my word."

That wasn't why you wanted to stay. You couldn't tell them that, though, so you gave a reluctant nod. You heard the droid tell the class to settle down and you followed the first two out, turning back to find Din staring at the child. Then, he turned towards you and you stared at each other. 

He hadn't wanted you to stay with the child, so he couldn't be that concerned... _right?_

You took a breath and turned around to keep moving, the Mandalorian hot on your heels. Thankfully, it wasn't that long a walk to your destination. You followed behind Cara, eyes darting to the blue man sitting at the front desk. The young Mythrol looked wholely uncomfortable in the presence of the Mandalorian, releasing a spray of some sort of bodily fluids in response. Then, he turned his attention towards you and relaxed slightly.

He tensed back up and turned his attention back to the men as soon as you'd heard Din mention him running off again. "Let me assure you, I do not want to spend any more time in carbonite. I still can't see out of my left eye."

_Carbonite_. 

Your jaw tensed as he looked at you again and he must have taken that as a sign that you'd experienced the same. "Did he put you in that awful stuff too? I hope you have full vision, at least. I mean, the stuff's terrible and I've seen some gnarly stuff. Ever seen a Fledgling Mythrol evacuate their thorax? Absolutely-"

"Don't talk to her."

The sound of the pissed off, modulated voice shut him up instantly and you looked away. You wanted to be anywhere but here. You zoned out again, not moving as Cara and Karga walked away. You could hear them talking about work and you sighed quietly. 

Well, you zoned out until they started talking about Imperials again.

"It's an old Imperial base."

"It's where all those troops came from when we defeated Moff Gideon."

They kept talking and you pinched the bridge of your nose. You could feel the coming of a headache and you glanced up when the Mythrol slid something toward you. 

"Headache? I get them all the time. I've got one now, since that guy's here." He was whispering and you assumed he meant Din.

"He gives me headaches, too."

The young man let out a quiet laugh and you smiled at him. You quickly took the tablet, giving him a silent 'thank you' and focusing back on the trio. You immediately caught sight of the helmet aimed in your direction. To anyone else, it probably appeared as though he was still looking at the map in front of him, but you knew him better than that. The slight upward tilt of the visor told you exactly what you needed to know.

He was listening to them, but his attention was on you. It gave you little comfort. Something about it made you shift uncomfortably. Maybe it was simply because he hadn't been speaking to you, or maybe it was because you didn't really know how to act around him anymore. Either way, his watchful gaze made you feel small. Like you were the prey he was hunting now. 

You flickered your gaze away from him, trying to ignore the way that his beskar glinted in the light. A feeble attempt, really. Every time you looked at him, you were torn in two, walking a fine line of temptation and terror. So, you tried to focus on something else to brush off the conflicting emotions that bubbled beneath the surface. You glanced down at the little tablet in your palm and quickly tossed it back into your mouth. It dissolved in a matter of seconds, hopefully on its way to ease the tension in your brain.

At least, until you thought about the last time you'd taken medicine.

Swallowing thickly, though the pastille was long gone down your throat, your jaw clenched. All the painful memories that you were trying hard to keep at bay were reaching a boiling point. You'd thought they already had, back on the ship when you'd gotten into that last argument with Din. When you'd told him about the baby. 

About what you'd lost.

You could feel your heart rate speeding up, your breath hitching in your throat as you squeezed your eyes shut. The tears threatened to spill over and your chest felt tight. You pressed both of your palms to your temples. Ears ringing, you barely picked up on the sound of his voice. Still, you managed to hear the familiar modulated whisper.

"Stop thinking about it."

Your eyes snapped open and you took a deep breath as you stared back at him. Karga and Cara were talking about details, clearly not paying attention to either of you, and Din was still staring at you. He must have seen it. Your panic rising must have alerted him. Still, you didn't know how you heard him if they didn't.

Furrowing your brows, you went to open your mouth, only to be cut off by the static by your hand. "If you say anything, they'll ask what's wrong. Breathe."

_Right. The com in the glove._

The faintest smile made its way to your lips, falling immediately when you realized what he had said the first time. "Stop thinking about it? Easy for you to say."

Your whisper back was laced in venom, the upset part of you taking control, and you watched as he turned from your glare. Still, you listened to his advice and tried to take slow, deep breaths. You managed to calm yourself down a bit before turning back to find them talking about making Navarro into a safe planet. A trade route. The idea of it was brilliant. Unfortunately, it meant they were asking the Mandalorian to help them wipe out that last base. 

It sounded simple enough, but was anything ever really?

Din asked for details, all but agreeing to help, and you grimaced. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. If you just managed to stop thinking about one trauma, here came the next. You gave an annoyed sigh that turned their heads. You flushed in embarrassment and Cara frowned at you.

"I know this isn't your kind of thing-"

You cut her off, frustration rising. "Killing people? No, it's not. I've done it once and I'd like to never have to do it again."

The words hung heavy off your lips. They didn't know the pain that you were talking about. Din did. He knew exactly the death you spoke of.

_Leo_.

Leo, who was still in a brick of carbonite on that ship. Thinking about it, you continued. This time, your attention was on Karga.

"What did you want that last bounty for, anyway?"

He was surprised, but about to respond when a voice laced in anger and static cut him off. "Don't tell her. Pretend she never asked that question."

"I want to know-"

"No. I won't repeat myself."

Everyone in the room was uncomfortable as you two argued. They'd never seen it before. In fact, it was almost unheard of. You were usually so tame and joking around with them. This side of you was new. 

Brought out by a stubborn Mandalorian that refused to speak to you for more than a sentence.

"I don't give a shit what you do or don't want me to know, _Mando_. I killed a man, so I'd like to know what exactly he did. Call me crazy, but I need to know that he deserved to be shot in the fucking head."

"You already do. Asking about it won't make you feel any better."

Your jaw clenched when he spoke. He wasn't wrong. You'd known Leo deserved it the second you grabbed that blaster. The second he'd put his hands on you, and then again when he'd stabbed Din. You had a million reasons why Leo had earned his place in that carbonite. 

It was just...you couldn't convince yourself that you had made the right choice.

You couldn't convince yourself that any of the decisions you had made, leading up to this point, were the right ones.

Why were you even here?

You'd said it was for the child, but was it really?

Was it because you liked the torture?

Or was it because, try as you might, you simply didn't know how to be without Din anymore? 

You'd spent so much time around him, comforted by his presence, that you didn't know how to be if he wasn't there. You'd spent every second apart from him, thinking only of him. Every dream was about him. The air you breathed only existed around him. Your happiness depended on him. 

You couldn't live without him.

"You two are perfect for each other."

Everyone turned toward the blue man, including you. Everyone else glared and your eyebrows shot up, nearly into your hairline. He just shrugged nonchalantly, ignoring everyone's watchful gazes.

"I'm just saying. She shot someone in the head with a blaster. That's pretty hard to do, especially when she's not used to shooting one. At least, I assume since she doesn't carry one. Plus, anyone willing to go head to head in an argument with that guy and not die must know him pretty well."

_Perfect for each other?_

You wanted to agree with him. You wanted to tell him that he was right. You wanted to go back to being happy with Din.

If only he'd allow it.

"Did anyone ask you?"

You glanced back at the Mandalorian after he spoke, only to find him looking past you. He didn't turn when you set your sights on him. Didn't shift uncomfortably. It was almost like he was already used to this. Your chest constricted as your thoughts raced again.

He didn't look bothered, in the slightest, that you weren't really on speaking terms.

He'd give you a few fleeting words, to distract you from tortured thoughts, but that was it.

It was like the two of you were back to square one, when he was pushing you away as you tried to get closer to him.

He was just the Mandalorian again, and you, the babysitter.

You let out a frustrated breath, turning to the Mythrol. "Do you ever stop talking?"

He pouted and you heard Karga's booming laugh in the background. "See? She's even mean to me like the Mandalorian. Here I was hoping to finally have someone kinda on my side."

"I'll be on your side when you stop grouping me with him. I'm a glorified babysitter not his fucking girlfriend."

The venom in your words didn't go unnoticed and you ignored everyone's silent stares as you walked outside. You could feel the watchful eye of a Mandalorian beneath that helmet and you paid it no mind. You needed to cool off. They needed to talk business. Fine, but you were damned if you were going to let them bring you along. 

Besides, if the two of you were back to the way things used to be, then why not go back to the school? After all, you were a babysitter. Not a fighter. 

You kicked a random pebble and started off toward the old cantina. You didn't get far, when a heavy hand fell on your shoulder. Instinctively throwing your elbow back, he caught it before you could slam it into beskar. 

"Careful. You might hurt yourself."

You scoffed, yanking your arm out of his grasp. "Like you care."

He was silent and the familiar scene had you shaking your head in frustration. You pulled away completely and started back on your trek. You made it a whole five meters before he stopped you again, gloved fingers gripping your waist gently. You wanted to push him away. You wanted to be angry. 

Still, you couldn't help the way your body ignited into flames when leather made contact with a little sliver of your bare skin. 

You shivered, goosebumps forming on your arms at the familiar feeling. Maker, you'd missed that. How long had it been since he'd touched you? 

Too long. Far too long.

His thumb rubbed soothingly across the flesh of your lower back and you whimpered. "Din-"

"We need to go back inside."

"I don't want to."

He sighed, the familiar frustrated kind. "Let's go back."

Your shoulders instantly dropped as he let you go and you let out a huff. "Right. Back. Back to the way things were before. Just the way you liked it."

You heard his boots stop in the dirt and you turned around to find his helmet aimed down. He wasn't looking at you. He looked lost in thought again. He didn't disagree with you, though.

You ignored him, brushing past to go back inside. "I'm not going with you guys. I won't."

You didn't want to. If they wanted to go on this little mission, they could do it without you. You weren't getting dragged, against your will, on a mission to mess with remnants of the Empire. 

Besides, you'd be of no use to them for something like this. No use to him.


	18. Anywhere You Are.

**Anywhere You Are.**

* * *

They'd dragged you along. You'd attempted to argue, but it had been useless. Din had all but forced you beneath the watchful gazes of Cara and Greef Karga. He'd forced your hand, knowing you wouldn't openly argue with him anymore while they were around. So, against your better judgement, you sat sandwiched between Karga and the man you wanted to sit with least on this planet.

No, not the Mythrol.

_The Mandalorian._

His presence beside you only ignited your anger at him. You'd been fully ready to let it go. The fury. The upset. The pain. If only he'd seemed as willing. Instead, he was making decisions for you and driving you insane.

So, imagine your disdain when the familiar cold of beskar, coupled with the roughness of leather, against your leg made you shiver in a familiar way.

Your body was reacting to his touch. Craving more.

_Annoying_.

You huffed in frustration, pulling your leg away from him and crashing your knees together in an attempt to brush off the desire that pooled between your thighs. Then, just your luck, the speeder jumped over a large bump and you found yourself tossed to the side. Directly back into the wall of a man you currently wanted to be far away from.

He rested a hand on your thigh, trying to keep you upright as you swayed beside him, and you bit your lip. The familiar metallic taste of copper hit your tongue and you sighed. He gripped your thigh tighter and you turned sharply toward him, only to find him already looking down at you.

That slight downturn of his helmet was doing sinful things to your insides.

Groaning, you slapped a hand to your forehead. You'd unknowingly gathered the attention of everyone else around you. Cara was the only one to speak.

"Are you alright?"

"Huh?"

Your mind was hazy as she turned back toward you, raising a brow and smirking at the sight of your position. "I asked if you're okay."

You made eye contact with her and she glanced down at the hand resting on your thigh. It was a silent question beneath the vocal one. It was laced with sexual innuendo and it made a flush creep up your neck. You were unnaturally warm now, the cold of beskar beside you only increasing that heat.

Clearing your throat, you nodded far too quickly. "Yes."

"You sure? You look like you have a fever."

Narrowing your eyes, you pulled your thigh from the Mandalorian's grasp and sighed. "I'm great. Fantastic. Just don't know why I'm here."

The older man on your other side jumped in, voice booming with humor. "Well, because Mando here can't seem to leave you anywhere!"

"Told you. They're perfect for each other!"

You huffed at the Mythrol driving. "Why are you _still_ talking?"

He either didn't seem to get your message or was blatantly ignoring it as he continued. "What's it like? Living with this guy. You ever see his face?"

There was a brief pause before you spoke. "Of course not. I don't need to."

Your voice wasn't laced with venom like before. Instead, it was filled with compassion and understanding. Acceptance. It had taken quite some time, but you genuinely understood now.

You'd probably never see his face and that was okay. You didn't need to. You knew him.

Despite how mad you wanted to be at him for shutting you out, you still cared.

Besides, what was the use in being upset about something that you had no power to change?

You'd never see his face.

_Right?_

Glancing up at the stiff man beside you, you caught a glimpse of him staring off. He wasn't looking at any of you. He was thinking about something. Something that bothered him.

The conversation was dropped, Cara turning her attention back forward and Karga busying himself. Everyone around you was focused on something else and you took the opportunity. You rested your palm on the beskar that covered Din's thigh, making him jump in surprise. His head whipped downward and then back up at you. You gave him a reassuring smile, brushing your thumb across the leather beside the metal, and turned your attention back forward.

A silent acclamation.

_It's okay._

* * *

Then, the lot of you had discovered that the base wasn't mostly empty like you'd originally thought. Somewhere along the way, Karga had shoved a blaster in your hands. The weight of it made you sick. He hadn't noticed. When you'd gone to hand it back to him, you'd just come into contact with two men that were typing on keypads. The older man had his back turned to you instantly and didn't spare you a second glance, leaving you with the feeling of heavy metal in your shaking palms.

"Destroy it!" 

One of them yelled that, right before they started shooting. Then, everyone was shooting. Everyone, except you.

Din took one of them out. Karga took the other. Then, as the rest of the group stumbled forward, Din turned back, only to see you standing there frozen. Your jaw was clenched, knuckles white as you gripped the blaster far too tightly. You heard him let out a soft sigh as he pulled the blaster from your grip.

Then, he tucked it away and brushed his gloved fingers across your cheek. "Are you alright?"

You shook your head and he pulled you close, only for a second. Your face was pressed against his chest as you squeezed your eyes shut. Tears threatened to escape and he pushed you at arm's length, brushing them away as he looked down at you. 

"Breathe."

You whimpered quietly, only loud enough for him to hear, and your entire body trembled. You hated it. You'd lifted your arm slightly, in a feeble attempt to help out, and it had immediately sent you back in time. It was all still fresh in your mind. The guilt that gnawed at you. The pain that crept up in your abdomen. The tortured thoughts that plagued your mind.

The ache that had been present in your heart since the day you'd left Din on Trask.

It was all pouring over you, drowning you in a sea of awful emotions.

Salty droplets trickled down your cheeks, falling around his gloved thumbs and saturating the leather. You couldn't breathe like he'd told you to. The air was too thick. It felt like your throat was closing up.

Still shaking and lost in thought, you barely registered the closing of the gap between you. The Mandalorian took a step forward, crowding you in armor, and he rested his forehead against yours. You gasped at the feeling of cold against your skin, air finally flowing freely to your lungs. Then, you looked up at him, straight into where you were certain his eyes were. He pressed his palms against your cheeks and held you like that, allowing you to wrap your arms around his neck.

"Thank you."

He hummed in response and you were about to say more, when a loud voice spoke behind him.

"What the-"

Both of you turned at the sound of Karga's voice, breaking apart slowly. Din brushed the rest of your tears away, and the two of you started walking towards the rest of the group. You were all standing in front of, what appeared to be, bodies floating in bacta. _Maybe?_ To be quite honest, you weren't sure what the hell you were looking at.

The word 'lab' fell from Cara's lips and you nodded in agreement. "Definitely a lab. Cloning, maybe?"

You'd heard the stories. It was a faction of the Empire that you were far too familiar with. You'd never actually seen it in action before, though. It was disgusting. You'd seen labs, but nothing like this. The thought of using someone's genetic information to make copies for warfare had never sat well with you. Besides, what else could the Empire possibly be doing with these bodies?

"I don't like this."

The modulated voice was right beside you and you nodded again, "Me either."

All of the sudden, the three of you turned to stare at the message that the Mythrol had found on the hard drive.

"-the body rejected the blood. I highly doubt we'll find a donor with a higher M-count, though-"

You tuned the rest out as the other three walked towards the transmission. _M-count? Why did that sound familiar?_ You racked your brain for an answer, but came up empty. Maybe it was something you'd heard of during your time being a slave? Maybe it was something you'd heard about before then?

When you were a kid?

"-unfortunately, we have exhausted our initial supply of blood. The child is small and I was only able to harvest a limited amount without killing him-"

Your eyes widened, glancing up to see Karga and Din looking at each other. The thought of people taking blood from the small being made you shiver. _Disgusting_.

"-if the experiments are to continue, as requested, we would again require access to the donor. I will not disappoint you again, Moff Gideon."

The transmission ended and everyone was still, save for Karga who was shifting in discomfort at the name. Din had told you he'd defeated Moff Gideon, though. He wouldn't lie to you about something like that.

"This transmission has to be old, right?" You stepped beside the Mandalorian and looked up at him. "You killed him. This has to be an old message."

"No." The lot of you looked at the Mythrol as he spoke. "This recording's three days old."

You wanted to vomit. Unfortunately, you didn't have much time to think about it before you were being shot at again. You instinctively grabbed the extra blaster from Din's belt and shot back, nailing one of the stormtroopers directly in the chest. The sound made you shudder but you tried to ignore it.

"We need to get the kid."

"Jet back. You'll be faster that way. We'll head back to the speeder and meet you in town."

_Wait a second. Jet back?_

That meant flying back and only one of you had a jetpack. The implications of what she was saying killed you. You trusted Karga and Cara, sure, but being anywhere that wasn't with Din didn't sit right with you anymore. Especially in a dangerous situation.

The situation between you two was complex. Completely incomprehensible. One second he wasn't speaking to you. The next, he was grabbing you and pulling you close to make sure you were okay. Add in the fact that, when he touched you, he could still ignite your body into flames, you were hopelessly confused. 

Confused by him, but also wanting to be right beside him for every single step.

The child took priority, though, and you reluctantly nodded as you turned to go with the other three. You didn't want to leave him. Didn't want him to leave you. Still, you needed to push aside the selfishness for the benefit of that little green toddler. After all, he was like a son to you, despite the way that thought cut deep. Taking a deep breath, you stepped toward Cara. That is, until a hand clasped itself in yours.

"Where are you going? I said we need to get the kid."

_We_. He had said _'we'_ , hadn't he? 

You shook your head and looked back at him, "I'll be too much of a burden. You'll get to him faster without me. He's the important one, not-"

"I'm not leaving you anywhere."

A montage of memories flooded your mind. The words had brought up every instance in the past where, despite your beliefs, he'd claimed to want you by his side. 

_I'm not leaving you anywhere._

_I wanted to bring you back home_

_This is not a clan of two. It's a clan of three, Cyar'ika_

_I would tear through every fucking planet, moon and star to find you._

The sentence made your heart clench and you couldn't respond. You didn't know how to speak with your heart racing the way it was. So, he made the move for you. He dragged you along with him as you ran down the winding corridors. Then, he pulled you flush against him when you reached a ledge.

"Do you trust me?"

You gave him an incredulous look. "That's the stupidest question you've ever asked me."

"Is it?"

Your eyes widened in surprise and, though it wasn't exactly the time for it, you pulled away from him for a split second. The two of you really needed to get going. The child was in danger and the place was probably going to blow up soon, but it was like nothing existed around you as you stared up at him. 

Swallowing thickly, you reached a tentative hand up to brush your fingertips against the cold of his helmet. "You should know the answer, Din."

"I don't."

"Yes, you do. If you don't know the answer to that question, then what are we doing?"

He was silent, visor tilting slightly to the left in an image that you recognized. Shame or guilt. It was the little changes in his demeanor that always told you what he was feeling. It was funny, if you really thought about it. How you could so easily read a man that was so closed off to everyone else. He was bad at talking about his feelings, so you'd come to pick up on the nuances.

Like the way he turned his helmet.

Softening your gaze, you stepped closer to him, pressing your bodies together again. "Don't ask me if I trust you. Do you think I trust you? I know you. Do you know me?"

The Mandalorian made no initial move to grab you and you could almost see the wheels turning in his messy head. Despite how calm his exterior was, you could feel the uncertainty that he was no doubt feeling. You wanted to comfort him. You wanted to reassure him. 

You'd done it all before, though.

You'd told him you loved him.

He didn't need to ask if you trusted him. The answer was clear. 

He needed to trust himself. With you. With your heart. 

In the matter of a split second, he gripped your waist tightly and pulled you fully into him. The two of you were flying through the air instantly. You wrapped your arms far too tightly around his neck, not out of fear but out of the desperate need to cling to him. He landed a second later, setting you gently on the ground and brushing the hair out of your face. He clearly wanted to say something but wouldn't get the chance. You heard the panging of a blaster shot against metal and your arm whipped up as you shot the hiding trooper directly in the head. 

He fell to the ground with a thud and Din turned to see, immediately whipping back around to hold your shoulders. "Are you okay?"

You blinked up at him in confusion. "Of course. Why? I'm not the one that got shot at."

"Earlier."

_Right_.

Earlier when you'd needed to shoot, you couldn't. The sheer idea had made you want to puke. The weight of the blaster had felt like tons, heavy on every part of you. The cold of the steel had sent chills up your spine.

Holding a blaster earlier had flashed you back to shooting your friend.

So, why did it feel fine now?

_Din_.

It was different because you did it to protect him. For him. 

Gnawing on the inside of your cheek, you gave him a slow nod. "I'm okay now."

"Are you sure?"

"Do you trust me?"

His body stiffened at your response, a jab at his earlier question. You let the corners of your mouth upturn slightly. You wanted to stay like this with him. The sarcasm laced with underlying emotions brought you comfort. It was like nothing had changed between you. 

It was almost like you two were still together and had never been apart.

"That's the stupidest question you've ever asked me."

You raised a brow, silently challenging him. "Is it? I can think of a lot of dumber questions. Favorite planet?"

His shoulders shook and you beamed brightly at the sight of his silent defeat. Then, he did something that surprised you. He answered.

"Tatooine."

Your smile fell slightly as you thought about it. "Tatooine? It's dry as hell. Two suns is miserable. The place is all desert. You almost got eaten by a dragon last time we were-"

"It's where I met you."

Eyebrows shooting up into your hairline, you felt your breath hitch. You were speechless. For the second time around him, you didn't know what to say. 

At least this time it was for a happy reason.

You laughed softly, shaking your head. "You're an idiot."

"I'm a frozen trash can, Cyar'ika."

_Cyar'ika_.

Maker, you'd missed that name.

"I like frozen trash cans."

"Do you trust them?"

"Only one. With my life and my heart. Does that frozen trash can trust me?"

His word was a whisper. "Yes."

You took a deep breath and glanced over at the ledge of the building. The height of it made you nervous. Still, you knew he wouldn't let you get hurt. So, grabbing his gloved hand in yours, you ran with Din towards the edge. He grabbed you tightly and jumped off, barreling through the sky toward town. 

You probably should have been terrified of flying. Shooting a blaster again should have made you queasy. You were perfectly fine, though. Totally calm in his arms as you flew toward the school.

Well, maybe calm wasn't the word. 

Despite the gravity of the situation, being pressed against him again made your body hot and your brain foggy. So foggy, in fact, that you weren't paying attention to yourself. Your words flew out of your mouth before you could think them fully through.

"Do you think anyone's ever had sex in the sky like this?"

There was a slight dip in your flight pattern, the drop making you squeak in surprise. He leveled the two of you back out instantly, not responding to your question. He didn't need to. You brushed the tips of your fingers beneath his helmet and bit your lip when they made contact with heated skin. Your accidental question had, no doubt, gotten a reaction out of him. 

"You're all over the place."

Raising a brow, you tilted your head, random locks of hair whipping around you. "All over the place?"

You were silently thankful for the helmet, because the modulated voice was far easier to hear through the wind than if he were speaking without it. "Your emotions."

That was vague.

Vague but accurate.

You sighed, shrugging as much as you could in the confines of strong arms. "So are you. One second you won't talk to me and the next you're wiping my tears away and being sweet. You ignore me but then you tell me you won't leave me anywhere. Make up your mind, Din."

"I already have."

You glanced up, beneath messed up lashes, and found him looking down at you again. Your eyes watered slightly and you knew it wasn't because of the wind. 

"You're sure?"

He nodded, continuing to stare down at you. If your brain wasn't mush, you would've thought about the fact that he wasn't looking where he was flying. You didn't care either way. You'd let him fly you blind. You knew he wouldn't let you get hurt.

Was this what it was like to completely trust someone?

_Definitely_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ASDFGHJKL ARE YOU GUYS HERE FOR US GETTING BACK TO SOME HAPPY AND (SLIGHTLY) HORNY FEELS???? 
> 
> because I am. XD
> 
> Happy Tuesday! As I mentioned before, this story is almost done. Fear not, though! There will be a second story that follows. We've got two chapters left of this baby and then I'll be taking a little break between stories. Only a couple weeks to get the creative juices flowing. 
> 
> Sorry this chapter is a teensy bit short but the next two will be loooooong so I think you guys can cut me some slack. I'll see you guys next week! Smooches~


	19. These Minefields That I Walk Through.

**These Minefields That I Walk Through.**

* * *

You were going to vomit. Your barf was going to be splattered all across the windshield of the Razor Crest if he didn't stop flying the ship like a crazy person. The baby was having a great time, arms flailing in the air as he giggled. You, on the other hand, not so much. Your eyes were wide as saucers and there was a disgusted frown on your lips.

"I'm going to puke."

He was focused on evading the fighters that were currently shooting at you. "You were fine earlier."

You glared at him, "You were flying perfectly steady! This is-oh no."

You pressed a hand against your mouth as he twirled the ship again. You squeezed your eyes shut, willing the urge to puke away, and directed your attention.

_Just watch the baby. He's having so much fun. Just keep looking at him. Is he waving cookies in the air? Where the hell did he get cookies?_

"If you need any nausea medicine, there should be some to your left."

Your tortured gazed shifted, dragging slowly toward the area he spoke of. Sure as shit, there was a small package of the familiar pastilles. The same ones you'd eaten far too many of in your time apart from the Mandalorian. 

The sight of them made the urge to puke even stronger. 

Thankfully, you didn't have to think about it for long. Just then, Din shot the last fighter and steadied out the ship. He leaned back to look at the two of you. You were certain your entire face was green with nausea but the child probably looked overjoyed.

"Not too bad, huh?"

You were about to retort when the baby suddenly barfed up a blue puddle onto his clothes. Instead, you laughed loudly. The hilarious view made the nausea dissipate and you were almost grateful to those random cookies the baby had eaten.

"Oh boy."

He pressed a few buttons and then turned around to wipe off the puke with the end of his cape. The sight made you smile and you didn't think before you spoke.

"You really are a dad."

_Shit_.

His body went still and you squeezed your eyes shut, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"It's okay."

You gave him an apologetic look and he stared back at you. You were about to say something when Karga's loud voice came through the com. He thanked Din and offered him a drink, which was declined, before telling the three of you to be safe. 

"Thank you! Tell Cara I said bye!"

You heard his chuckle through the receiver, "Of course. Oh, and Y/N?"

"Yeah?"

There was a long pause before he spoke again. "Take care of those two. They need you. Even if they can't _say_ it."

Your eyes flickered back to Din and he was staring at you. "I don't know. To be honest, I think I need them more."

He laughed and then the transmission was cut off. The two of you stayed like that. Din's helmet was directed straight at you and you held your gaze steady on him. It felt like an eternity, the two of you not saying a word. You weren't even paying enough attention to notice the baby's curious gaze moving between the two of you. 

"Cyar-"

"Din, I-"

You both started talking at the same exact time and then immediately stopped. Your cheeks were red and you finally pulled your gaze away from him, staring down at your lap to play with a stray thread on your skirt. You were so focused, that you didn't notice he had moved to crouch right in front of you. At least, not until he rested his hand on your ankle.

He pulled the blaster out of your boot and you grabbed his wrist, "Stop. I-I want to keep it. I mean, I feel bad because it's Karga's and I technically stole it, I guess, but I-"

"Why?"

Why? Why _did_ you want to keep the stupid thing? 

Your voice moved faster than your brain. "Because I want to be able to protect you if you need it. Because you're important to me. Because I don't want to imagine a life without you in it. Because I know that beskar protects you from a lot, but it doesn't protect you from everything."

"Definitely doesn't protect me from you."

You blinked at him in confusion, "Why would you need protection from me?"

He put the blaster back into your boot and gently grabbed your hand, pressing it against the chest of his armor. You stared blankly at him, head tilted in confusion. Then, he grumbled something under his breath. He awkwardly gave you your hand back and stood up.

"How can I be so bad at this?"

You were going to ask him what he was talking about, until you watched him peel the chestplate off. After that, some of the layers of leather that covered his torso. Then, when his upper body was only clad in a knit shirt, he crouched down again and pulled your hand up. He placed it directly above his heart.

Your eyes watered as you stared at him, feeling the quick and heavy pounding of his heart. His heartbeat was frantic, contrasting with his calm demeanor.

"Your heart's racing."

"I know."

You pressed your palm flat against his chest, then moved it up to his exposed neck. Then back down, trailing it down the center of his body to his belt line. He made a noise as you pulled the clothing up, sliding your hand under his shirt. He was so warm. He shivered as your hand kept exploring, visor still staring directly at your face.

"I missed you."

How many times had you told him that, now? Too many. You had to stop leaving him. You were more certain of it now than you'd ever been before. This man had the ability to destroy you. He held all the power over you.

"I know that, too."

You let out an annoyed huff and went to pull your hand away, only to have him grab it in his own again. "Why are you so difficult?"

He wasn't looking at you anymore. Instead, his head was downcast as he stared at your conjoined hands. His other hand was awkwardly playing with the stray thread that you had previously occupied yourself with.

_Why was he acting so weird?_

"Why didn't you want to tell me?"

A million thoughts raced through your mind, playing in rapid succession. The time you'd spent crying alone in a bathroom was on a loop on your brain. The phantom pain was sharp again in your lower abdomen. The vivid image of that beautiful family you'd dreamed about came to the forefront of your mind. Coupled with the new sight of Din cleaning up the blue puke, it haunted you. 

Reminding you of what you'd lost.

This was hardly the time to start a family, especially given how complicated his life was at the moment, but you couldn't help the longing. You knew it was selfish. You knew it wasn't what any of you needed right now. You had much more important plans, especially for the child you still had. 

Nevertheless, it was like a large bruise. Always present but only hurting when you pushed on it. A bruise that, surely, wouldn't be healing any time soon. 

Your voice came out in a pleading whine, "Din-"

"I need to know, Cyar'ika. Why?"

Even through the modulator, you could tell he was uncomfortable with the topic. Sure, he'd been the one to ask, but he hadn't really wanted to. It was a heavy conversation. You were uncomfortable, too. Neither of you wanted to talk about it but…

You _needed_ to.

If you were going to stay on this ship. If you were going to try to be with him in any capacity. If you were going to move on, then you needed to be honest. There could be no more secrets between the two of you.

The ache would always be there and you'd always experience little reminders but, maybe, the two of you could get through it. Together.

"I didn't want to hurt you."

The response caught him off guard and he looked up at you, fingers finally ripping out that stray thread. "What?"

You sighed and continued, "You saw how I was. It hurt. It hurt so fucking bad. Still does. I think about it at the worst times. The image of a happy family pops into my head sometimes and then I remember-"

"With me?"

His question was full of a million other questions. It held numerous implications. He was an idiot for asking, though.

You let out a laugh. "Teach me another word."

"You didn't answer-"

"Teach me another word right now and I'll answer."

He let out a disappointed sigh and nodded, "What word?"

You leaned closer, a small smile on your lips as you flicked the forehead of his visor. "Idiot."

"Cyar-"

"Nope. I said I want to learn the word 'idiot'. I already know what the other word means."

He went still at your confession and he gripped your hand tighter, "What?"

You leaned back in your seat and shrugged, "I know what it means. I'm glad you're using it again, too. I hate it when you call me by my name. Feels as gross as when I call you Mando. It's like I'm talking to someone else. Now, _sweetheart_ , you want to indulge me and teach me the word 'idiot'?"

He choked slightly in discomfort, but obliged you anyway. "I guess I'd go with utreekov."

You sounded it out slowly. "Ooh. Tree. Cove. Utreekov?"

"Good."

You flicked his forehead again, "Perfect. Now I have something to call you in public."

"What?"

You laughed loudly and pulled your hand out of his, wrapping your arms around his neck. "Tell me what you want, Din."

"What do you-"

"Don't ask me what I mean. You know. You're an _utreekov_ , but you know exactly what I mean. When I picture any sort of future, you're always a part of it. I've told you that before. Now, you tell me. What do you want? From me."

Silence. You'd expected it this time. He was glancing back down, avoiding your intrusive gaze. The question was making him uncomfortable. He had never been good at expressing his feelings, and this was no different. The only thing that had changed was your insistence. You were going to be pushy this time around. You had to be. For your own sake, and his, if you were being honest, you needed to push him.

"Utreekov."

You could feel the glare from beneath the helmet and you gave him a gentle smile, pressing your forehead against his. "Cyar'ika…"

"I have the rest of my life to wait, you know. I could sit here forever until you give me something. Until you remind me that it was a good idea for me to tell you everything I told you. The baby might get fussy if you take too long, though."

You looked directly into the visor and patiently waited. More silence. Maker, he was making you regret this. Exposing your deepest emotions was terrifying when you did it with a man that had spent his whole life protected by armor. He'd probably never let himself feel much before. 

"I'm not good at this."

"I know."

He groaned in defeat as you used his own phrase against him. You were getting far too good at this. You were impossible for him to hide from now. Even though he was always covered in beskar, save for the current moment, you were so good at peeling back the layers. Exposing him until he had to admit, even to himself, that he needed to let go. 

"I should be the one protecting you."

Your head tilted, "What are you talking-"

"I should be the one that has to be strong. Not you. You shouldn't have to carry anything like that on your own."

_Oh_. 

You hadn't known what you'd been expecting him to say, but it certainly hadn't been that. His previous silence, for days on end, had made you think he was angry at you. To an extent, you'd been right. He was only angry, though, because you'd been hurting yourself.

Again, he'd shut down because of your pain.

Emotionless to almost everyone else, but the most empathetic man you'd ever met.

You smiled softly. "The truth? I didn't want you to feel the same pain. It was agony. Knowing about what could have been. Thinking about what I wanted and how I couldn't have it-"

"Who said you can't have it?"

The question flashed you back to that first time you'd run away. When he'd chased after you to the hotel room. When he'd touched you so sweetly. When he'd basically confessed that you could have what you wanted. He'd give it to you. 

The implications made you flush as you stared at him. "I know what I want. You never told me what you want."

"With you, Cyar'ika? Anything. Whatever you'll give me."

Your eyes watered at the confession. Was it him telling you he loved you? No. Was it just as good? Yes. He was a hard nut to crack and you had a lot of progress to make. All the same, this was what you needed. If he was willing to try, then so were you. It wasn't even a question anymore. 

"I love you."

"I know."

You snorted and rolled your eyes, grabbing the sides of his helmet and pressing a long kiss to the front. You stayed like that, lips pressed to the cold metal and foreheads together, for what felt like an eternity. It was perfect. Nothing could ruin the moment.

Except that little green baby puking up some more cookies. That could _definitely_ ruin any moment.

He made a disappointed noise at the two of you, blue liquid dripping down his chin as you laughed. "Where did he even get those cookies?"

Din sighed as he wiped the barf off again, using the end of his cape like a rag. "No clue."

You shook your head in amusement, leaning down to grab the rest of the sleeve from the baby's hands. He made an angry noise and you pointed a finger at him. "No. No more cookies."

You picked him up and held him close to your chest, smiling down at him as he stared up at you. Was there a cuter being in the galaxy? Probably not. He was by far the most adorable little thing you'd ever seen. You brushed your knuckles against a protruding ear and he cooed happily.

You didn't realize it, but the sight made the Mandalorian weak. The image of you holding the child, looking at him as if he was the only thing that mattered, was going to be permanently imbedded in the man's mind. He'd never tire of it. 

It made his heart race again. 

He didn't quite understand it, if he were honest. He'd seen it a thousand times, so why was it different now? Was it because he'd just somewhat fixed things with you? Was it because he knew you loved him? 

_Maybe…_

He cleared his throat uncomfortably, pushing his wandering thoughts away as he picked up his armor. "We're headed for Corvus. It's a-"

"Moon. A forest moon, right?"

"How did you know that?"

You smiled slightly, still staring down at the child. "Reading. I did a lot of that when I was-"

_With Leo._

Your eyes glazed over with a faraway look and he gently rested a hand on your shoulder. "Your books are still here. If you wanted to keep reading. I saw one about Mandalorians."

Your eyes widened and you flushed in embarrassment. You set the child down in his seat and rubbed the back of your neck. You weren't quite sure why you were embarrassed. Maybe because you'd just professed your love for him and now he knew that you'd read about his people? 

Your mouth started moving again, your usual embarrassed ramblings. "Three. There's three books on Mandalorian culture. I mean, one's in my bag. I took it with me. I don't know why. I guess I just wanted to feel close to you, even though I was upset. I read it a lot when I was pregnant. Honestly, I wasn't really sure how I was going to raise the baby."

The thought stung, but not as badly. Maybe, being together with him again had helped you heal. 

"I thought maybe I could raise them like you, but then I realized-"

"No."

He interrupted you with a gruff response and you stared at him. "No?"

"If you'd had that child...I wouldn't have wanted it to be like me."

Your heart wrenched at his quiet confession. Did he think so lowly of himself? There were far worse people in the galaxy. He was one of the best men you'd ever known. He had his flaws, sure, but who didn't? His slightly cold personality was a consequence of years alone. Your presence, in conjunction with taking care of the child, had clearly warmed him up a bit. He was a good man before. 

He was an even better one now.

You took a step towards him, grabbing the armor in his hands and setting it down on the pilot's chair. Then, you ran your palms against his torso, coming up to make contact with his heart again. You spread them apart, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to the clothed area.

"You don't see yourself the way I see you, then. Or even the way the child sees you."

You felt him still, "How many times have I pushed you away now?"

It was a fair question, you supposed. He had broken you multiple times. Now that you thought about it, though, you'd done the same. You were hardly the easiest person to get along with. 

You stared up at him, only to notice his head turned away from you. "I have a question."

"You haven't answered mine."

"I know. Humor me."

He sighed and you watched his head turn towards you. "What is it?"

"If the lights are off in here, will you kiss me?"

The question caught him off guard and he tensed. "Not in here. Hyperdrive lights up the cockpit. I can't-"

You nodded in understanding, "Okay. What about later? Can I sleep with you again? Like the first time. If it's dark like that, will you kiss me?" 

He was still slightly stiff. Were you pushing your luck? _Maybe_. He was used to sleeping alone. Used to eating alone. Used to doing everything alone. 

"Yes."

A stupid grin broke out on your face and you beamed up at him in response. "Yes? Really?"

He nodded slowly. "Now, answer my-"

"I'll answer it tonight. When you kiss me. I'll answer any questions you have."

He groaned in annoyance and you laughed. You were far too stubborn. He should have known that by now. He'd simply have to suffer and wait. You'd spent so much of your life waiting for him. This time, he could wait for you. He could endure the sweet torture of knowing something he wanted so badly was nearly in reach. 

You'd make it worth it, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Asdfghjkl okay this chapter ended up being shorter than I thought it was and I'm so very sorry buuuuut the last chapter is next and it's SO GOOD. Ugh. I love these two and they're finally communicating and it's so beautiful. I could go on and on but I won't. Last chapter of this fic will be posted next Tuesday and then, as I previously mentioned, I'll be taking a short break before I start posting the next story. I'm excited for you guys to see what I have planned!
> 
> As always, I love you guys and thank you so much for all your love and support. See you soon! Smooches~


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